I don't have one because my wife and I were both so broke when we got married. What are your thoughts on this article/sob story? I'll hold off on my comments until later but have a feeling many of you will see it the same way I do.

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/10/13/style/modern-love-prenup-is-a-four-letter-word.html?mc=aud_dev&mcid=keywee&mccr=dommob&kwp_0=556849&kwp_4=2005217&kwp_1=838621&referer=https://m.facebook.com/

Those people seem to be doing things out of order.

I'm a planner, by nature, but I think prenups are awful. The only way I can see needing one is if it's the second marriage and there are kids from the first marriage and you want to keep the kid's inheritance separated.

My husband and I had about $.50 combined when we got married so we never even considered a prenup.

A prenup is like having a contract with liquidated damages. You don't intend to exercise but if you do it maximizes your risk exposure.

Only way Id ever have one would be if I didn't care if she balked and walked. Already have kids, not having more, enough money that the future supply of women is no concern. In that case, it's a must.

Thoughts on the woman in the article?

One of the more anti-climatic articles I've ever read. That's how that ends? With no ending?

She's the typical person who followed the advice of "do what you love" but is no good at it. That's the reason I switched sports in high school. Loved one sport but was better at another one so I played the one I was good at and maximized that.

I'm not a fan of prenups for first marriages. Just doesn't feel right. But, I'm a huge proponet of prenups for older folks. My FILs wife died and he remarried almost immediately to someone who we did not trust and was clearly trying to win the lottery. He didn't see it but we did.

He was smart enough to do a prenup with her. She left pretty quickly once she realized she wasn't going to get anything out of it.

tamutaylor12 said:

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Thoughts on the woman in the article?

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She's horrible at making life decisions.

Don't be someone else's 5 year retirement plan.

tamutaylor12 said:

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Thoughts on the woman in the article?

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Spend thrift who never considered how profitable one venture is over another.

For older couples, it forces the financial topic ahead of time. I prefer to have discussions sooner rather than later.

For a younger couple with no assets, it is irrelevant.

For a younger couple, it protects the parent's legacy. I have a friend who broke off his own wedding the day before b/c his soon to be father-in-law wanted to edit the prenup. His father-in-law chose to use his attorneys to brake off his daughter's wedding. I wouldn't want my daughter to end up with someone like my friend, but I found it interesting how much influence the girl's father held in their relationship.


Edit: Changed a "father-in-law" to girl's father.

Just curious; what was the edit that was made?

He deleted the groom.

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What are your thoughts on this article/sob story?

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The article misses the forest for the trees. The prenup is irrelevant. The important thing for her was to openly discuss their financial issues in a way that was freeing instead of being a hindrance.

My take was that she had a really sketchy financial past full of bad decisions and lack of planning. She was marrying a guy that had all of his ducks in a row. I feel like prenup forced the "real talk" about financial decisions and life goals. Instead of taking that head on and acknowledging past errors, she turned it into a "prenups are bad" conversation. I saw no desire to make corrections and live on a more financially stable path.

I work around a lot of high earners that put in massive hours just to support lifestyle choices made by their significant others. I guess thats why the story rubbed me the wrong way as much as it did. It just seemed like she was trying to make this into a "they are shaming me because im bad with money" thing.

AgBank said:

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For older couples, it forces the financial topic ahead of time. I prefer to have discussions sooner rather than later.

For a younger couple with no assets, it is irrelevant.

For a younger couple, it protects the parent's legacy. I have a friend who broke off his own wedding the day before b/c his soon to be father-in-law wanted to edit the prenup. His father-in-law chose to use his attorneys to brake off his daughter's wedding. I wouldn't want my daughter to end up with someone like my friend, but I found it interesting how much influence the girl's father held in their relationship.


Edit: Changed a "father-in-law" to girl's father.

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Sorry but this is a really confusing paragraph. Who broke off the wedding? Your friend or the FILs attorneys? You claimed both. Plus, whose prenup was the FIL wanting to edit? The groom's and his daughters or his own?

A buddy of mine just got married, his wife is a licensed professional and will likely earn significantly more than he will. It was HIS lawyer that recommend the prenup as a safe gaurd against her getting sued.

Are prenups even really useful for those getting married in Texas?

My understanding is that a person's assets are theirs prior to marriage so long as you maintain and have documentation. Everything earned afterwards is considered 50/50, including 401k growth and potentially dividend reinvestment (which can be tricky).

At that point, you'd want a prenup to start specifying things at a the most minute level which I think is overboard.

They're used to protect potential large inheritances and family wealth

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I work around a lot of high earners that put in massive hours just to support lifestyle choices made by their significant others.

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I don't believe that anyone earns a high income just because their wives make lifestyle choices. They are all "about that life" - long hours, high performance, not many people can do what they do. It's its own rush. The salary is just so they can measure themselves against other like-minded people.

SoupNazi2001 said:

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diehard03 said:

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I work around a lot of high earners that put in massive hours just to support lifestyle choices made by their significant others.

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I don't believe that anyone earns a high income just because their wives make lifestyle choices. They are all "about that life" - long hours, high performance, not many people can do what they do. It's its own rush. The salary is just so they can measure themselves against other like-minded people.

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Disagree with this I know some high earners that would like to slow down and partially retire early or work part time but their wife is accostomed to a certain lifestyle and is not open to changing. The husband would rather keep working then risk a possible future divorce and constant fighting over money.

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This is what I'm talking about and it seems much more common than I expected. They work more hours and take on more projects than they would like to help the wife keep up appearances. Most of these guys are content with their million dollar houses and a reasonable vacation a year. Wife wants to take the kids on a 3 month European tour for summer vacation because Jill from across the street got two months.

Not meaning to denigrate all women and their spending habits. Just bothers me when I see girls in their 20s be completely irresponsible with money then bank on marrying a rich guy. Chick in the article hit a little close to home (not my home).

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Most of these guys are content with their million dollar houses and a reasonable vacation a year.

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I just don't buy it. I know similar people as well, and they are driven/A-type and would pursue these projects regardless. They, too, want to be in the next social status than wherever they are.

it's easy to talk about slowing down and "retiring early" when it's not realistic because you have no desire to do so.

I think a lot of guys play the card that the spending and/or lifestyle is the result of their wife. I think it is usually a mix of the two.

I think some people try to accumulate wealth or financial independence so they can do other things in life. Many others are addicts for the stress/experience. I work w a lot of them.

I'd never work to sustain a lifestyle solely that my wife required. That'd feel like indentured servitude to pay debts and bills.

Any man or woman that works to support another's lifestyle (excessive I'm assuming) has a broken relationship imo.

Additionally...

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Just bothers me when I see girls in their 20s be completely irresponsible with money then bank on marrying a rich guy. Chick in the article hit a little close to home (not my home).

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How does this hit close to home if it doesn't hit close to home? Why does this bother you?

Hits close to home as in I see it a lot in my personal life. My wife and I are on the same page with spending and we are both middle income so the situation doesn't apply directly to me.

I think it bothers me for a couple of reasons. First, I hate seeing people living a miserable life where they feel trapped by their high income job. Some of them probably love the status but I think a lot of them are really over it. Especially when they start hitting late 50s.

Second, I hear the behind closed doors conversations of the wives. Its pretty egregious how some of them view their husband. I know its a game a lot of women in this demographic like to play and they actually care much more about their husband than they let on, but its sad to listen to.

tamutaylor12 said:

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Hits close to home as in I see it a lot in my personal life. My wife and I are on the same page with spending and we are both middle income so the situation doesn't apply directly to me.

I think it bothers me for a couple of reasons. First, I hate seeing people living a miserable life where they feel trapped by their high income job. Some of them probably love the status but I think a lot of them are really over it. Especially when they start hitting late 50s.

Second, I hear the behind closed doors conversations of the wives. Its pretty egregious how some of them view their husband. I know its a game a lot of women in this demographic like to play and they actually care much more about their husband than they let on, but its sad to listen to.

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Totally get it but it's easy to be over it once your money hits critical mass.

tamutaylor12 said:

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My take was that she had a really sketchy financial past full of bad decisions and lack of planning. She was marrying a guy that had all of his ducks in a row. I feel like prenup forced the "real talk" about financial decisions and life goals. Instead of taking that head on and acknowledging past errors, she turned it into a "prenups are bad" conversation. I saw no desire to make corrections and live on a more financially stable path.

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I mostly agree. You have two people with mostly different view of life. I don't look down on people that choose lifestyle or a job they have a passion for over money. And if they live alone, there is no issue. But in this case she is marrying a guy who focused on security and is responsible with his money. She mentioned she had $10K in credit card bills. These two are oil and water financially. I don't blame the guy at all for wanting some assurance if things go south.

YouBet said:

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Sorry but this is a really confusing paragraph. Who broke off the wedding? Your friend or the FILs attorneys? You claimed both. Plus, whose prenup was the FIL wanting to edit? The groom's and his daughters or his own?

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Sorry. I guess I assume both. My friend told me that he called off the wedding b/c the FIL (and attorneys) added an unfavorable clause dealing with my friend's future earnings. My impression, knowing my friend, is that her dad got a bad feeling about his soon to be son-in-law and forced my friend to call off the wedding through the new clause.

This happened about 8-10 years ago and at that time the girl's dad was worth more than a billion dollars.

IDAGG said:

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tamutaylor12 said:

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My take was that she had a really sketchy financial past full of bad decisions and lack of planning. She was marrying a guy that had all of his ducks in a row. I feel like prenup forced the "real talk" about financial decisions and life goals. Instead of taking that head on and acknowledging past errors, she turned it into a "prenups are bad" conversation. I saw no desire to make corrections and live on a more financially stable path.

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I mostly agree. You have two people with mostly different view of life. I don't look down on people that choose lifestyle or a job they have a passion for over money. And if they live alone, there is no issue. But in this case she is marrying a guy who focused on security and is responsible with his money. She mentioned she had $10K in credit card bills. These two are oil and water financially. I don't blame the guy at all for wanting some assurance if things go south.


I blame the guy.......for being a moron and marrying a financial idiot. He knows this will not end well.

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This happened about 8-10 years ago and at that time the girl's dad was worth more than a billion dollars.

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i'm signing that prenup...no matter what the language is.

I find it hilarious that the guy in the article is supposedly so smart, successful and protective of his assets, yet is stupid enough to have a child out of wedlock. Then he demands a prenup. That chick can smoke him the next 18+ years in child support.

Add to that, she's too stupid to realize she has the ace in the hole.

I bet that relationship ends well.

roveram said:

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smart, successful

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Relative to her, he likely is.

Pointless in Texas

I wasn't worth much when I got married, so it didn't even cross my mind. I am curious why some say it's worthless in Texas though. I'm guessing it's because Texas is a community property state, but doesn't that only apply outside of other agreements? If two spouses-to-be waive their right to community property acquired within a planned marriage, prior to the beginning of the marriage, does the state of Texas say that's illegal?