We're #3 in the nation. The highest we've been since over half the current players' parents were in high school.
College GameDay is in Columbia, ABC's 2:30pm slot, and Texags.com has already built Playoff mockups.


And that's exactly when the universe decides it's time.



The Chain of Disasters

• The Continental Breakfast Massacre
  The team hotel's "free hot breakfast" becomes a biological weapon. Half the offensive line goes down after suspiciously gray sausage patties labeled "Maple Surprise." Our nutritionist is seen Googling "how to rehydrate an entire SEC roster by noon." By kickoff, we're fielding more IVs than first downs.
• The Helmet Heist
  Missouri takes the decals off their helmets before warm-ups. Whispers of a CU Buff team blow through the Ozarks. Confused and inspired by what they think is a "Make-A-Wish" opponent, the Aggies accidentally allow 283 rushing yards in sympathy.
• The Backup's Backup
  Missouri's starter tweaks an ankle in pregame. Their backup QB starts… for one drive… before his backup enters. He's a former walk-on from rural Kansas who once threw a football over a grain silo.
  He proceeds to set an SEC record for passing efficiency in a debut: 27/28 for 389 yards. His lone incompletion? A deliberate spike to "keep things fair."
• Altitude Sickness in the Ozarks
  The Aggies weren't ready for the "high elevation" of Columbia, Missouri (approx. 738 feet).
  Trainers scramble with oxygen tanks while Missouri players laugh between sips of water and bites of bbq nachos. The local weather app registers our conditioning level as "Houston-level humidity tolerance: poor."
• The Ozark Expedition
  On Friday night, a group of players gets lost in the Ozark cave system trying to find where Jason Bateman filmed Ozark. By morning, three starters and a GA emerge covered in bat guano, carrying a stolen prop sign that says "Welcome to the Lake."
• The Mascot Mix-Up
  Reveille X accidentally follows Truman the Tiger into the Missouri tunnel before kickoff.
  She refuses to return, reportedly "tired of being associated with mediocrity." Truman tweets, "She's one of us now."
• The Equipment Truck Detour
  Our equipment truck took the wrong exit and ended up in Branson. Players are forced to warm up in commemorative Yakov Smirnoff's Dinner Theatre T-shirts. The SEC Network calls it "a metaphor for Texas A&M football."
• The Columbia Confusion
  Texas A&M's Grad Assistant film crew confuses Columbia, Missouri with Columbia University, because Tigers and Lions are basically the same thing, right. Texas A&M watches film on Columbia and game preps for the best Ivy League football team in NY.

The Scoreboard
Missouri 32, Texas A&M 17

Statistically, we dominate every metric except the only one that counts: the law of averages.

Postgame Fallout

• TexAgs ignites a new BAS for the Aggie Nation...the Playoff Slide.
• Someone posts "FIRE EVERYBODY" before the game clock hits zero.
• A&M drops to #13, somehow on the outside looking in at the 12 other playoff teams.
• South Carolina moves their Senior Night to next week at College Station.

Final Thought
We didn't lose to Missouri. We lost to the universe, to geography, gastronomy, and hubris.
The Ozarks took our dignity, our playoff hopes, and our breakfast buffet privileges at the Hampton Inn and Suites.

And somewhere in Branson, a veterinarian anxiously awaits the birth of the first Tiger Collie hybrid puptins.

I endorse this message.

Damnit!

I thought i moved to the Jurassic subscription \_(?)_/

No- we gonna "we today" them

Bill Superman said:

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Losing in November is what we have historically done, so until we do something.................

The more realistic our playoff run chances become, the more unhinged your posts become.

I am very happy with an 8-0 start for the first time since 1992, but we have lost 4 consecutive November SEC games and 6 consecutive November or later games to Power 4 opponents since a 51-10 win over Mississippi State on 11/11/2023.

11/25/2023: 42-30 loss at 10-3 (6-2 SEC) LSU
12/27/2023: 31-23 loss to 10-4 (7-2 Big 12) Oklahoma State in the 2023 Texas Bowl
11/2/2024: 44-20 loss at 9-4 (5-3 SEC) South Carolina
11/23/2024: 43-41 4-OT loss at 5-7 (2-6 SEC) Auburn
11/30/2024: 17-7 home loss to 13-3 (7-1 SEC) Texas
12/27/2024: 35-31 loss to 7-6 (4-5 Big 10) USC in the 2024 Las Vegas Bowl

Also, we have lost 7 consecutive November or later road games since a 34-13 win at Tennessee on 12/19/2020.

11/13/2021: 29-19 loss at 10-3 (6-2 SEC) Ole Miss
11/27/2021: 27-24 loss at 6-7 (3-5 SEC) LSU
11/12/2022: 13-10 loss at 5-7 (2-6 SEC) Auburn
11/4/2023: 38-35 loss at 11-2 (6-2 SEC) Ole Miss
11/25/2023: 42-30 loss at 10-3 (6-2 SEC) LSU
11/2/2024: 44-20 loss at 9-4 (5-3 SEC) South Carolina
11/23/2024: 43-41 4-OT loss at 5-7 (2-6 SEC) Auburn

Hopefully, we can snap all three November or later losing streaks by beating Missouri on Saturday.

Was that a Night Court reference?

Is it 1985?

Did Raptor use Seth McFarlane as a ghost rider?

We are doomed, doomed I tell ya

College Gameday isn't in Columbia this week, and since that is how you started the post, everything thereafter is null and void.

Good guys by a billion!!

Did you mean ghost writer?

Amazingly accurate analysis. You sir, are a savant!

Gig'em

Raptor said:

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We're #3 in the nation. The highest we've been since over half the current players' parents were in high school.
College GameDay is in Columbia, ABC's 2:30pm slot, and Texags.com has already built Playoff mockups.


And that's exactly when the universe decides it's time.



The Chain of Disasters

• The Continental Breakfast Massacre
  The team hotel's "free hot breakfast" becomes a biological weapon. Half the offensive line goes down after suspiciously gray sausage patties labeled "Maple Surprise." Our nutritionist is seen Googling "how to rehydrate an entire SEC roster by noon." By kickoff, we're fielding more IVs than first downs.
• The Helmet Heist
  Missouri takes the decals off their helmets before warm-ups. Whispers of a CU Buff team blow through the Ozarks. Confused and inspired by what they think is a "Make-A-Wish" opponent, the Aggies accidentally allow 283 rushing yards in sympathy.
• The Backup's Backup
  Missouri's starter tweaks an ankle in pregame. Their backup QB starts… for one drive… before his backup enters. He's a former walk-on from rural Kansas who once threw a football over a grain silo.
  He proceeds to set an SEC record for passing efficiency in a debut: 27/28 for 389 yards. His lone incompletion? A deliberate spike to "keep things fair."
• Altitude Sickness in the Ozarks
  The Aggies weren't ready for the "high elevation" of Columbia, Missouri (approx. 738 feet).
  Trainers scramble with oxygen tanks while Missouri players laugh between sips of water and bites of bbq nachos. The local weather app registers our conditioning level as "Houston-level humidity tolerance: poor."
• The Ozark Expedition
  On Friday night, a group of players gets lost in the Ozark cave system trying to find where Jason Bateman filmed Ozark. By morning, three starters and a GA emerge covered in bat guano, carrying a stolen prop sign that says "Welcome to the Lake."
• The Mascot Mix-Up
  Reveille X accidentally follows Truman the Tiger into the Missouri tunnel before kickoff.
  She refuses to return, reportedly "tired of being associated with mediocrity." Truman tweets, "She's one of us now."
• The Equipment Truck Detour
  Our equipment truck took the wrong exit and ended up in Branson. Players are forced to warm up in commemorative Yakov Smirnoff's Dinner Theatre T-shirts. The SEC Network calls it "a metaphor for Texas A&M football."
• The Columbia Confusion
  Texas A&M's Grad Assistant film crew confuses Columbia, Missouri with Columbia University, because Tigers and Lions are basically the same thing, right. Texas A&M watches film on Columbia and game preps for the best Ivy League football team in NY.

The Scoreboard
Missouri 32, Texas A&M 17

Statistically, we dominate every metric except the only one that counts: the law of averages.

Postgame Fallout

• TexAgs ignites a new BAS for the Aggie Nation...the Playoff Slide.
• Someone posts "FIRE EVERYBODY" before the game clock hits zero.
• A&M drops to #13, somehow on the outside looking in at the 12 other playoff teams.
• South Carolina moves their Senior Night to next week at College Station.

Final Thought
We didn't lose to Missouri. We lost to the universe, to geography, gastronomy, and hubris.
The Ozarks took our dignity, our playoff hopes, and our breakfast buffet privileges at the Hampton Inn and Suites.

And somewhere in Branson, a veterinarian anxiously awaits the birth of the first Tiger Collie hybrid puptins.

---

The Ozark Expedition....should have added that Ozark was actually filmed in Georgia...(Lake Lanier)

YaGuey09 said:

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College Gameday isn't in Columbia this week, and since that is how you started the post, everything thereafter is null and void.

Good guys by a billion!!

---

Yep, it cannot happen. Good try but GameDay is critical for all hell to break loose.

A&M wins another!!

Raptor, this all makes sense and I agree. But, why are the Missouri cheer girls wearing boots? It seems to me that this would cause their round off back handsprings to over-rotate due to their mass. Do you think these corn fed Big 10 gals are trying to balance their foundation to their bodies? I'll hang up and listen, but the rest of your post is spot on. Ags lose.

YaGuey09 said:

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College Gameday isn't in Columbia this week, and since that is how you started the post, everything thereafter is null and void.

Good guys by a billion!!

---

There's a College in Colombia, Missouri, is there not?

On Saturday, there will be a game in Colombia, will there not?

So, there's a college and game on a day....in Colombia, right?

I think you see where you screwed up.

Sorry, one more question. This is one of the more fake tan and fake hair color gals you could have found. Her teeth are blinding though. Do you this Missouri gal is a better fit in the Big10 or the SEC because I'm not buying the costume. I'm sure Ags lose on Saturday, but this needs to get resolved.