Anyone read this book?

Abigail Shrier was on Rogan recently, I believe. And then I saw she was on Jordan Peterson. I didn't listen to either, but my wfie did and really liked it. Then a school councilor I know who has kids of his own recommended it to me as a must read.

I'm a little over half way through it and it's great.

It's about the mental health of our youth.
- Therapy having little to no evidence of helping children, the flaw of therapy and using it to treat "normal kids"
- Our kids not learning how to cope with normal life adversity and distinguish it from real trauma.
- Our schools, teachers, and councilors that play pseudo-therapists and the harm it does to them.
- Social-Emotional Learning and curriculum in schools
- And how all of our mental awareness nowadays has led to a less mentally healthy society.

It's help me identify some areas that I cater to my kid. Particularly, checking in to see if he's "having fun" and it's also pointed out some areas I've struggled with, particularly with rumination.

Anyways, phenomenal book.

Rumination?

I wonder if some of this issue comes down to the over bias of girls over boys (and women over men).

Rumination is not a problem that boys naturally tends toward. This is why compared to girls they tend to be more selfish, rambunctious and unruly. So to get boys to behave more like girls (who are the gold standard because they are easier to teach and control) they increased the rumination in boys by emphasizing it more.

But this also harms girls because now girls, who likely can naturally handle rumination more so than boys, are ruminating even more above what they can tolerate. This leads to higher rates of depression, gender confusion, sexual orientation etc.

How much time did a boy who was 12 in 1990 spend asking himself is he gay. Versus how much time does a 12 boy today spend asking himself is he gay.

I don't know the technical definition. The way I understand it it's thinking through to the point of obsessing's about things you've done/said that you regret. That's how it effects me anyways.

It's just not healthy. Make a mistake, own it, change it, move on and forget about it. Live in the present.

C@LAg said:

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TheCurl84 said:

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Rumination?

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"Like a cow chewing on a cud"......is that the idea?

Helicopter parents plus thinking a pill is the cure for everything !

Woods Ag said:

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I don't know the technical definition. The way I understand it it's thinking through to the point of obsessing's about things you've done/said that you regret. That's how it effects me anyways.

It's just not healthy. Make a mistake, own it, change it, move on and forget about it. Live in the present.

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easy example. Imagine you are fat.

To ruminate is to think you are fat and then spend your time thinking how being fat hurts you, how people perceive you differently, how hard it will be to change, how there are some upsides of being fat, etc.

To healthily process is to think you are fat and feel bad about it. Then think of how you can work towards being healthy and start taking those steps.

Yes.. I love to explore all angles of a problem/situation. I believe it makes me good at my job, but it also has sent me down dark roads that affect my mood.

In the book she covers it as us constantly asking our kids to think about their feelings. How did the feel about this or that, etc. "Can you imagine how that would make you feel?" to help simulate a feeling in them that they don't have.

Ive been touring kindergartens across our city and it's floored me the amount of time dedicated to our 4-5year olds feeling and helping them to identify and understand them.

We've finally settled on a independent private school, but the leash is short. They told us to identify topics we didn't want discussed between my kid and the counselor. I said all of them. I don't want him talking to the wannabe school therapist. I'll govern and maintain my kids emotional and mental health and you teach him Math, Science, Reading, Writing, and History. If he's out of line, you tell me.

I think therapy/counseling/coaching is a good thing...depending on the provider.

Unfortunately, the world of therapists and psychologists were among the first to be consumed by the woke cancer. The ones I know personally tend to be the most unhappy, ill suited, fall for any pseudo science babble, word salad speaking, navel gazing, gullible, constantly offended and deranged people I know.

If those are types are the mental health provider, of course they do more damage than good.

I've long wondered if the broad societal focus on mental health awareness has amplified the problem. And that's not to say that therapy and treatment for mental health conditions doesn't have its place.

It can be good in adults. But adults have a fully developed mind and can push back or disagree with a therapist. A kid is a blank canvas unable to push back.

They're also not voluntarily going to therapy. They're sent there by their parents. That signifies to them "something is wrong with you and Mom and Dad can't help you."

It's worth the read as it swims straight upstream of the modern way.

Woods Ag said:

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I don't know the technical definition. The way I understand it it's thinking through to the point of obsessing's about things you've done/said that you regret. That's how it effects me anyways.

It's just not healthy. Make a mistake, own it, change it, move on and forget about it. Live in the present.

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Ha sometimes I fall victim to this, even sometimes over mundane things I have said or done that could be taken the wrong way.

I literally will remind myself of the following, and it often works lol



F the world if they want to be petty, only God can judge me

Started reading the book on the airplane a few days ago. I'm about 1/2 done, but so far it's been solid. Anyone raising kids or working with them needs to read this.

evolution of parenting philosophy.

when i was growing up as a kid parents wanted children to take on as much as possible because parents believed the best way to learn was to experience choices and life and learn from our mistakes.

parents today sheild their children from choices, decisions and pain which is a disservice to kids who will turn into adults. kids today haven't been empowered to be or act like adults because the parents have always treated them like children. even when they are 25.

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- Our kids not learning how to cope with normal life adversity and distinguish it from real trauma.

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The fear of having kids kidnapped or sexually abused along with concerns about bullying means kids are rarely left on their own or to solve their own problems. Learning to navigate life on your own develops confidence and is one of the main things to be learned during childhood.

That is a big topic. That they are constantly monitored and protected.

Man, I remember I would spend days outside roaming our small town on my bike with the neighborhood kids. We had "the woods", "the trails", "the store" that was 5 miles down backroads to a little convivence store. We camped outside in a tent as often as we could on the weekends and walked up and down the roads telling stories all night. I'd find my mom on the front porch at 2am smoking a cigarette, and we'd go chat with her and then off again. We fought, made up, and did it all again.

I think counseling can be a positive thing. It was for me when i went for several years in my mid 30s. I am a better person for going. But it was a Christian based counseling setup and was really helpful. That said it was not all feelings mambo jambo at the end of the day it was pretty practical. I could see especially in a secular sense all the psychobabble that could be put into kids-young adults minds that make them feel worse or way too into their own head than they really need to be when they probably just need to grow up or grow out of whatever is going on..