Dammit I Love The Babylon Bee!!

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Irish 2.0
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12:39p, 8/9/22
14 Things The FBI Found In Donald Trump's Safe

Quote:
Here's what they found:
[ol]
  • Thousands of McDonald's receipts: Immaculate record keeping!
  • Three pallets of Norvell Premium Sunless Tanning Solution, Dark 1: Only the best for our President!
  • World's best president mug: The mug has been detained for questioning.
  • Barron's Xbox controller because he's grounded from Xbox: This is a relief. We thought he was ghosting us on Xbox Live.
  • The kickstand for Biden's bike: Sneaky!
  • Obama's actual birth certificate: Everyone was wrong. He was born in Zap, ND. Weird.
  • A note that reads "You FBI guys are low IQ. Sad! Not good!": This was found in a safe within a safe.
  • Free verse, reflective poems: So sensitive!
  • Several dozen copies of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Probably the inspiration for all the booby traps federal agents had to evade.
  • The actual nuclear codes and not the fake ones he slipped to Biden: Wait a minute, wouldn't the real president have the nuclear codes?
  • Little tiny shampoos which were stolen from the White House bathroom: Ladies and gentlemen, we got him!
  • Over a million unsent tweets: Carefully recorded and cataloged on papyrus scrolls.
  • A signed agreement between Trump and Pence that he would not "mean tweet" Pence: Appears to be scrawled in crayon on a KFC napkin.
  • The Mirror of Erised: When he looks into it he sees world peace.
    • [/ol]
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    Tom Kazansky 2012
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    In reply to Irish 2.0 • 12:41p, 8/9/22
    Irish 2.0 said:
    14 Things The FBI Found In Donald Trump's Safe

    Quote:
    Here's what they found:
    [ol]
  • Thousands of McDonald's receipts: Immaculate record keeping!
  • Three pallets of Norvell Premium Sunless Tanning Solution, Dark 1: Only the best for our President!
  • World's best president mug: The mug has been detained for questioning.
  • Barron's Xbox controller because he's grounded from Xbox: This is a relief. We thought he was ghosting us on Xbox Live.
  • The kickstand for Biden's bike: Sneaky!
  • Obama's actual birth certificate: Everyone was wrong. He was born in Zap, ND. Weird.
  • A note that reads "You FBI guys are low IQ. Sad! Not good!": This was found in a safe within a safe.
  • Free verse, reflective poems: So sensitive!
  • Several dozen copies of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Probably the inspiration for all the booby traps federal agents had to evade.
  • The actual nuclear codes and not the fake ones he slipped to Biden: Wait a minute, wouldn't the real president have the nuclear codes?
  • Little tiny shampoos which were stolen from the White House bathroom: Ladies and gentlemen, we got him!
  • Over a million unsent tweets: Carefully recorded and cataloged on papyrus scrolls.
  • A signed agreement between Trump and Pence that he would not "mean tweet" Pence: Appears to be scrawled in crayon on a KFC napkin.
  • The Mirror of Erised: When he looks into it he sees world peace.
    • [/ol]
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    AgGrad99
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    12:43p, 8/9/22
    This one made me laugh out loud:

  • A note that reads "You FBI guys are low IQ. Sad! Not good!": This was found in a safe within a safe.


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    Tramp96
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    12:43p, 8/9/22
    I want to have a beer with those guys.
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    In reply to Tramp96 • 12:48p, 8/9/22
    Layne Staley
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    1:10p, 8/9/22
    Best satire ever. They know how to rip on Praise Church Bands better than anyone also.
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    TxTarpon
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    In reply to Irish 2.0 • 1:11p, 8/9/22

    Quote:
    A signed agreement between Trump and Pence that he would not "mean tweet" Pence: Appears to be scrawled in crayon on a KFC napkin
    Crispy gold crunchy funny there.
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    Gigem314
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    1:21p, 8/9/22
    They started out as mostly "cheesy church humor" but have absolutely found their stride over the years.

    Empathetic humor is a lost art today.
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    Hammerly High Dive Crips
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    1:22p, 8/9/22
    https://instagr.am/p/ChC2hq6FTih

    Satire is only funny if there is truth to it.
    Agnes Moffitt Rollin 60's - RIP Casper and Lil Ricky - FREE GOOFY AND LUCKY!
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    Hammerly High Dive Crips
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    In reply to Gigem314 • 1:24p, 8/9/22
    Gigem314 said:
    They started out as mostly "cheesy church humor" but have absolutely found their stride over the years.

    Empathetic humor is a lost art today.
    I agree. They almost always hit the mark big. I do enjoy their church-denomination oriented stuff though, but I get that many non-church goers or people with little church background would find it humorous.

    A few other good ones from past days and I'll stop...

    https://instagr.am/p/Cg-A1GGF7I5

    https://instagr.am/p/Cg5G__YsR6H

    https://instagr.am/p/Cg5A8zhF2ZX
    Agnes Moffitt Rollin 60's - RIP Casper and Lil Ricky - FREE GOOFY AND LUCKY!
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    1 edit
    puryearag85
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    1:55p, 8/9/22
    TChaney
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    1:58p, 8/9/22
    Damn, and I was hoping for the real location of Al Capone's vault.
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