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I flew all the way from Flagstaff, Arizona to Phoenix, Arizona because my manager doesn't own a globe. We took off from the Flagstaff Airport, Hair Care and Tire Center there. The plane was really small, like a pack of gum with eight people in it, going -- (imitates sound of a tiny airplane) half the speed of smell. On the way there, we lost some oil pressure in one of the engines, so we had to turn around. It's a 9-minute flight. Can't pull it off with this equipment. And they told us about it over the speaker system of the plane, which was stupid because they coulda just went (looks backward) "Hey, we lost some oil pressure." [Ron gives a thumbs-up.] Heard ya! Sure did. of course, I'd been drinking since lunch, so I was like "take it down, I don't care. Hit somethin' hard, I don't wanna limp away from this wreck." The guy sitting next to me is losing his mind. Apparently, he had a lot to live for. He turns to me, he says "Hey man! [gasps for air] Hey man! [gasps for air] If one of these engines fails, [gasps for air] how far will the other one take us?" So I was like, "All the way to the scene of the crash! Which is pretty handy 'cuz that's where we're headed! I bet we beat the paramedics there by a half-hour! We're haulin ass!"

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Why do people feel compelled to bring up random comedians in a very specific comparison between two somewhat similar comedians?

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I told him, "We're all gay, man. It's just to what extent are you gay." He says, "That's bull**** man, I ain't gay at all!" I said, "Yes you are and I'll prove it." He says, "Fine, prove it." I said to him, "All right. Do you like porn?" He says, "Yeah, I love porn, you know that." I said, "Do you only watch two women doing it?" He said, "Naw, I'll watch a man and a woman make love." I said, "Oh, do you want the guy to have a tiny, half-flaccid *****?" He said, "Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co-- I did not know that about myself."

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