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Anyone here have experience with infertility and adoption?

2,327 Views | 24 Replies | Last: 7 hrs ago by Ghost of Bisbee
Ghost of Bisbee
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9:16a, 9/5/26
AG
Alright GBers, I'm about to get raw and vulnerable for a minute, which I know goes against the normal shenanigans on this board
I'm hoping for a few genuine responses because I know some of you have been through something similar.

My spouse and I have been seeing fertility doctors and, after several diagnostic tests, found out yesterday that our chances of conceiving naturally are extremely low (<1%). We were also told our odds would remain very poor even if we were to pursue IVF.

I never expected receiving news like this would lead to as much grief as we're experiencing. Hits like a freight train.

We're obviously still processing everything, but adoption is something we've started thinking about. We don't have children, and I'm fortunate that one of my benefits through work is reimbursement for adoption expenses up to $20K.

Got a few questions:

  • If you and your spouse have dealt with similar infertility challenges, what helped you cope with the grief together? Anyone here go through an experience where tests and a doctor told you the probability of conceiving was almost zero but you still managed to conceive naturally?
  • For those who pursued adoption, what was the experience like? How did you come to the decision, what type of adoption did you pursue, how difficult was the process, and how do you feel about it looking back years later?
Not really looking for medical advice or recommendations for fertility treatments. Just hoping to hear from people who have walked this road before.

Appreciate your perspectives, and if you're the praying type, we would very much appreciate your prayers. Thank you.
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rjhtamu
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10:37a, 9/5/26
AG
Might try the health board. You also might try to get people to DM or talk privately about it. It's still an intensely sensitive and private topic alot of people don't approach publicly.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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rjhtamu
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10:38a, 9/5/26
AG
After re-reading your post another time, I can see why you might also appreciate some "honest" GB replies too.

I'm willing to share my story and advice, do you happen to have a personal email you would be willing to share?
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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Ginormus Ag
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1:09p, 9/5/26
AG
We did 3 years of fertility treatments with no luck. Tried everything. Even acupuncture. Took some time off. Went to the A&M game vs Tech on 10/31/10. Stayed at the LaQuinta on Texas and did some business before midnight yell. Kid # 1 was born in 7/11. Decided to go for #2. Knocked it out in 1 try. Kid # was born in 8/13. Thought we were being careful, wife said don't worry. Kid # 3 was born in 6/18. If we schedule tech again I can give you the magical room number at LaQuinta.

Wish you the best of luck.
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Athanasius
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1:54p, 9/5/26
AG
Will probably say more later, but research Reactive Attatchment Disorder before adopting.
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Jaspers Ghost
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In reply to Ghost of Bisbee • 2:17p, 9/5/26
AG
Ghost of Bisbee said:
Alright GBers, I'm about to get raw and vulnerable for a minute, which I know goes against the normal shenanigans on this board
I'm hoping for a few genuine responses because I know some of you have been through something similar.

My spouse and I have been seeing fertility doctors and, after several diagnostic tests, found out yesterday that our chances of conceiving naturally are extremely low (<1%). We were also told our odds would remain very poor even if we were to pursue IVF.

I never expected receiving news like this would lead to as much grief as we're experiencing. Hits like a freight train.

We're obviously still processing everything, but adoption is something we've started thinking about. We don't have children, and I'm fortunate that one of my benefits through work is reimbursement for adoption expenses up to $20K.

Got a few questions:

  • If you and your spouse have dealt with similar infertility challenges, what helped you cope with the grief together? Anyone here go through an experience where tests and a doctor told you the probability of conceiving was almost zero but you still managed to conceive naturally?
  • For those who pursued adoption, what was the experience like? How did you come to the decision, what type of adoption did you pursue, how difficult was the process, and how do you feel about it looking back years later?
Not really looking for medical advice or recommendations for fertility treatments. Just hoping to hear from people who have walked this road before.

Appreciate your perspectives, and if you're the praying type, we would very much appreciate your prayers. Thank you.



All I know is my nephew is adopted. I rarely ever even think about it, like probably in ten years. He's just my nephew. It was wonderful for them.

Only advice would be make sure with the child from early on you just talk about how they were adopted and it's never an issue because that's just the child's normal reality. Obviously I way over simplified that.


Do it! Kids suck, but they're great more often than they suck and I can't imagine my life without them.
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Tatem
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2:47p, 9/5/26
I adopted 9 years ago (domestic-she was born in the us)
We did some fertility, acupuncture, etc (I'm female)

I would be happy to answer questions. It was emotional process, we used a facilitator and it took a year from starting with her to birth. Total cost was alittle over $40,000. You do get an adoption credit

Little Tatem is the greatest blessing

Edit to add-we started Cps classes but I felt God was drawing me towards private adoption. You create a book about you and your spouse and present it to birth moms. You get matched with a birth mom who selects you. The day I walked into the hospital was very emotionally. I knew I would be taking this child from her birth mom. Our birth parents fell away (their choice).
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Tatem
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2:51p, 9/5/26
Also I would 100% do it again if I was younger
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malenurse
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6:11p, 9/5/26
AG
My son and his wife, both class of '11 adopted Rylie when she was two days old. Depending on where you live, check out AIM adoption in Spring.

He posts here as Charley Conway. They took Rylie to her first game today.

ETA they went adoption route because my son had testicular cancer when he was 20.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, it's still on the list.
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3rd Coast
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6:19p, 9/5/26
AG
Been through and still going through this. When a woman wants a child and can't, it creates a problem. My heart goes out to you and your wife. I will pray for you.
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Ghost of Bisbee
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In reply to rjhtamu • 6:23p, 9/5/26
AG
rjhtamu said:
After re-reading your post another time, I can see why you might also appreciate some "honest" GB replies too.

I'm willing to share my story and advice, do you happen to have a personal email you would be willing to share?

Absolutely, and I really appreciate you reaching out.

ghostofbizbee@gmail.com
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Howdy Dammit
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7:36p, 9/5/26
AG
Praying for you. Wish more people pursued adoption.
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Ghost of Bisbee
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In reply to Ginormus Ag • 11:54p, 9/5/26
AG
Ginormus Ag said:
If we schedule tech again I can give you the magical room number at LaQuinta.

Bookmarked!

Appreciate your comments
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Ghost of Bisbee
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In reply to Tatem • 12:07a, 9/6/26
AG
Thank you for sharing, this is very helpful. We are open to the possibility for sure.

May be a crazy coincidence, maybe not, but about a week and a half ago we were scrolling through the streaming channels trying to find our next show to watch. Randomly stumbled across "Trying" on Apple TV+, a 6 year old series at this point. Had never heard of it before then, and the premise for it is a couple finds out they can't conceive and so they pursue adoption, with the show documenting their journey.

I don't usually read much into 'signs', but if that isn't one...

Also know a couple who was told they couldn't conceive, so they adopted, and then naturally conceived afterwards.
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Tatem
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10:47a, 9/6/26
I've seen people on Facebook have good luck with Rowe casa hormone kit. I personally have not tried that particular product
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swimmerbabe11
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12:01p, 9/6/26
Praying for yall!
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cj774
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In reply to Ghost of Bisbee • 12:44p, 9/7/26
AG
Ghost of Bisbee said:
Thank you for sharing, this is very helpful. We are open to the possibility for sure.

May be a crazy coincidence, maybe not, but about a week and a half ago we were scrolling through the streaming channels trying to find our next show to watch. Randomly stumbled across "Trying" on Apple TV+, a 6 year old series at this point. Had never heard of it before then, and the premise for it is a couple finds out they can't conceive and so they pursue adoption, with the show documenting their journey.

I don't usually read much into 'signs', but if that isn't one...

Also know a couple who was told they couldn't conceive, so they adopted, and then naturally conceived afterwards.


Have a buddy and his wife who struggled to have a kid. They were told they would never conceive naturally due to a medical condition.

I see you noted it's not an option for you but they were able to go the IVF route because it was a great benefit of his job at the time. After he left that job they basically thought that was it. But no less than a couple of years later they got pregnant naturally.

Not saying you should not pursue the adoption route (which I think more people should do) but just saying you never know.
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Ghost of Bisbee
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5:02p, 9/7/26
AG
@ Jasper's Ghost and @ malenurse: thank you for sharing your perspectives on adoption

@ 3rd Coast: Thank you very much, and we will pray for your family's situation as well

@ Howdy Dammit and @ swimmerbabe11: Thank you

@ CJ774: Thanks for sharing. Love hearing when it works out
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CowtownAg06
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11:42a, 9/8/26
AG
I have some unique perspective here. My parents had fertility issues, and I am the adopted child. My childhood was great and I am so thankful for my parents/proud of my story. So much so, my wife and I have adopted two kids after we had 2 bio kids.

I'd be happy to talk more in depth about our experience. One thing I have learned.... every situation is different. Good news, all bio kids are different too.
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infinity ag
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1:22p, 9/8/26
Sorry to hear this, I have no suggestions unfortunately but my best wishes are with you and your wife.
I hope it works out, whatever it is.
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Tree Hugger
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1:42p, 9/8/26
AG
Good luck GoB and thank you for sharing. I'm so glad I never had to deal with such an issue since all I had to do was look at Mrs. TH and there was a bun in the oven.

I don't really have any advice to give, but just wanted to send out a good 'ol GB high five of encouragement.
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fc2112
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2:32p, 9/8/26
Yeah, good luck. Our problem was the opposite of infertility.
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Caliber
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4:08p, 9/8/26
AG
Might ramble a bit here... We had a very similar story to yours, infertility and low chances and they couldn't tell us if IVF would be any better.

The grief process is difficult because it gets a fresh wound every time someone you're close to announces a baby. And then when you tell people, all they want to do is give advice, have you tried this or that, etc. Like you haven't been exhaustively looking for a solution. You need to take some time for that process as you consider adoption. Close the chapter and grieve it. The adoption process carries its own trials.

We decided on a private adoption, largely due to me not wanting to go through the home requirements for foster, and we could afford it.

The process can be scary, especially because almost all adoptions today are open to some extent. The best advice we received on open adoption, is to realize that the women placing their babies are being incredibly selfless when there are other options now. Sure, they have problems, but they chose to carry that baby. You do have some factor of another family in your story, but that is dealing with the birth family vs your family. We don't have direct contact with them anymore, their choice, but just provide email/photo updates once or twice a year. We know a family that takes the birth mother on vacation and other family activities. Both have different kinds of issues.

That advice and that, if you endure, there is a baby at the end of the adoption process. There will likely be bumps on the way, some can be really tough, but it carries a certain level of certainty.

We had a quick adoption, 6 months from application to placement and 6 months to finalization after placement, though we did go through a couple big bumps right after placement.

We are also the people many adoptive parents hate because 2 years later we naturally had our second kid. Out of the blue, hadn't been doing anything different than the many years before. You will hear a lot of stories about things like that, but its far from the norm.

We had a My Adoption Storybook made right off, so this has always been part of her life. We choose to be a little private about a lot of her birth family and adoption story and let her choose what to share.

One thing we like to say, is that she WAS adopted, not is adopted. Small detail but we explain it the same was as being born. Adoption is the way you entered are family, it was an event. Now you are our family.

We both come from large families and no one has ever questioned her being a part of the family. Most of the extended family forgets that she is adopted unless something specific comes up. There have been some funny moments when people forget because my daughter has a dry sense of humor and good timing when someone says something about adoption.
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Charlie Conway
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1:29p, 9/12/26
Sent you an email, sorry it's long.
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Ghost of Bisbee
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12:52p
AG
@CowtownAg06:
Thank you for sharing your story. If you have any additional advice and/or know of reputable adoption agencies around Central Texas/Greater Austin area, please feel free to reach out to my e-mail at ghostofbizbee@gmail.com.

@Caliber:
Thank you as well for sharing your story. A few of your notes resonate strongly with me. Your paragraph on grief hits home. Part of what has been particularly helpful for me about this thread is I've received very empathetic responses from those like yourself who have lived it. It's not as easy for my spouse and me to find others in our everyday lives who can offer that kind of perspective because most people in our network haven't experienced it themselves. It's a tough topic for people to engage with when they haven't experienced it, and I can appreciate that, as I never understood the weight of infertility until we were faced with it ourselves.

You mentioned going through a couple of big bumps right after placement. If you don't mind sharing, what happened? One thing I'm trying to understand is what kinds of challenges are most likely to arise after a child has actually been placed with you but before the adoption is finalized. If you'd rather share privately, my e-mail is ghostofbizbee@gmail.com.

I also want to acknowledge rjhtamu and Charlie Conway for both reaching out over e-mail to dive deeper into this topic with me. Good Ags!

There have been others who haven't posted in this thread who have also reached out privately, and I want to thank you as well. I'm choosing not to share those usernames given they reached out privately and haven't posted here.
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