Ever since my birth father and my dad died five years ago, I've found myself resenting Father's Day. I know it seems so irrational, and maybe even a bit stupid, but it's just a day that reminds me of loss. I hate that they are both gone, especially that I never got the chance to reconnect with my estranged birth father before he died (that's a long story), and I find myself hating Father's Day as a result.

Anyone else feel this way?

I don't have nearly the same circumstances so I don't feel that way but I am sorry for your loss.

Once I became a father it became more meaningful to me I guess, but still feels like just any other day.

The biggest benefit is no one gives me grief about what I want to do for the day/weekend.

No. My father died 34 years ago. I don't just miss him on Father's Day, I think about him and miss him every day.

I do for sure. Lost my dad a week ago. We did not have a great relationship ever and now that he is gone I realize I still have all my daddy issues and zero chance of resolution for any of them. Which is frustrating and confusing and sad and all sorts of I don't know. I'm sad he's gone but also sad at the whole damn situation and remorseful of what should have been, rather than what it was. And I hate that that is my overarching thoughts, instead of celebrating my dad just for being my dad.

My first Fathers Day without him on this Earth and yeah, already resent it.

Resent? Heavens no. If anything, I reflect on how close we were compared to he and my other siblings, and it makes me realize that I am the patriarch of my clan now. I hope to be as good an example of hard work and kindness to my kids and grandkids as he was.

I understand how Father's Day can be tough. My biological father left my mom and I when I was young. My step-dad and I had a horrible relationship until I was out of college. We seemed to get it right before he died years ago.

I thank God every day for my family and I pray that I can be the best Dad that I can be. I think I get it right more than I get it wrong.

I learned that Father's Day isn't about me, it's about my family and I. It's going to be a great day today.

I'll have to let you know. Not sure I ever will resent it? But I think it will be a constant reminder that basically I didn't make an effort to take him out for last Father's Day (couldn't at the time but didn't find time in the next 6 months). And now I can't as he passed 12/30. So this is my first one without him and the guilt lately has been real.

Ryan the Temp said:

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Ever since my birth father and my dad died five years ago, I've found myself resenting Father's Day. I know it seems so irrational, and maybe even a bit stupid, but it's just a day that reminds me of loss. I hate that they are both gone, especially that I never got the chance to reconnect with my estranged birth father before he died (that's a long story), and I find myself hating Father's Day as a result.

Anyone else feel this way?

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No, and since my father is nearing the end of his life I plan on spending as much time as I can with him and letting him know how lucky I am to have him as a father.

I don't resent it but it annoys me when people want to wish me a happy Father's Day. I'm not a father and mine is dead. What's happy about it for me?

I would guess there are a lot of people that resent it.

Not me. But a lot.

Resent? No.

Bittersweet? Yep.

https://texags.com/forums/34/topics/3467395

My dad died in January. No resentment at all. Instead I've found myself reflecting and thankful, along with motivation to be the best dad I can for my two daughters

Mine died in March after quite a long decline in health.

I dont particularly care for my father and resent that I have to acknowledge this holiday to keep the peace with my mom. I wish I had a better relationship, but he is not a nice/good man.

He gave me a middle name to match his mistress and tolf me about it in my 20's. Hes a POS.

I'm sorry chiken. Hang in there.

Mine had another kid with the woman he married after he left my mom. I thought for years that I had a half sister floating around. Then years later after my step-dad died my mom told me that if my biological father ever reached out, I had her blessing to have a relationship with him. He never did, nor did I. And I'm too old now.

Mama TCR also told me that if a half-sister ever presented herself to insist on a DNA test. Said that a man used to call her house, thinking she was the new wife, and would ask if "it's safe to come over." Guess karma finds a way…

I'm touched and very sorry for those of you who had difficult dads. Life is complicated. Those of us who had great dads are blessed, those of us who didn't... Well, God can redeem the pain that comes from that too. Much love to the Texags family today.

Jack Cheese said:

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I'm touched and very sorry for those of you who had difficult dads. Life is complicated. Those of us who had great dads are blessed, those of us who didn't... Well, God can redeem the pain that comes from that too. Much love to the Texags family today.

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I was always lucky that I had a stepfather who became a great dad after my birth father chose heroin over us. I spent more than 20 years searching for my birth father, and after he died, it wasn't so much that I missed him (he was never there for me to miss), I missed the possibility we could someday reconnect. That final resolution was so strange because for a long time afterward I would find myself thinking about the next steps in my search to find him and I would remember that 1/3 of him is in an urn in my living room.

Losing my dad to Alzheimer's was certainly the more difficult experience, and maybe my resentment of Father's Day is simply me being jealous of those people who still have fathers in their lives.

I don't resent it, but the entire month is a slog for me.

Daddy's birthday
Father's Day
The day he died

All in the same month.

My kids are buttholes, so yeah, Father's day ain't as fun as it should be. I can't wait for them to grow up

Aggie Class of 2026 said:

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My kids are buttholes, so yeah, Father's day ain't as fun as it should be. I can't wait for them to grow up

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Mine took me to a microbrewery for an afternoon of drinking yesterday. Father's Day can be really cool when they're adults.

I'm mixed on it. My dad is still doing well at 80 and he is coming over with my brother and his wife for pulled pork in a few hours and that will be great. My son and I get along well now that he is not a jerk of a teen. My daughter and I are estranged due to her a-hole husband and that makes me a bit resentful as we changed and gave up a ton for her to have a solid home. She was an "oops" when we were 21 and we just said what the heck and got married and we have had an amazingly good life.

So I'm proud of my pop and my son and angry at my son-in-law a-hole. But that's just part of this crazy world.

My father was a low life POS. After my mom died in 2007, he married a bimbo the next year. The two of them then tried to steal his widowed father's life savings. My father was an only child who treated his parents like garbage. They resented it, so they left everything to my sister and me in their wills.

My grandfather was 93, in a nursing home, and made the mistake of giving Dad durable POA. My father and the bimbo wife had liquidated $385k when we realized what he was doing. This was only possible because my sister had access to Pop's checking account, and my father was making $50k deposits and withdrawals to/from that account.

Last time I saw the b**tard, he was perjuring himself in a lawsuit that was eventually settled for far too little money. I learned 2nd hand that he'd died in 2017, and the world is a better place.

I don't resent the holiday though. Most people love their fathers.

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I dont particularly care for my father and resent that I have to acknowledge this holiday to keep the peace with my mom. I wish I had a better relationship, but he is not a nice/good man.

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This is *exactly* how I felt about Father's Day when my parents were alive. I always called, but I'd time my call for a time that I'd likely get the answering machine. Mom was happy, and life went on. Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one in your situation (in case that's helpful).

My dad died in 1991. Before his time. Wife's dad died in 1994 at 62. Best dad and FIL anyone could have ask for. Great day to reflect back on the memories. Hate or resent the day?….. Not hardly.

My parents divorced while I was young and my dad didn't do much more than every other weekend until he moved out of state when I was 12. Then it became phone calls and once and sometimes twice a year visits. He cut off child support when my sister and i respectively turned 18 and did little from that point on. I don't resent him, I feel sorry him.

I resolved that I would do it right if I ever had kids and now have an amazing relationship with my sons now almost 18 and 20 and that's given me a wonderful Father's Day today

FIDO*98* said:

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He cut off child support when my sister and i respectively turned 18.

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That's not how child support works. The state AG enforces child support. His legal financial obligations end at 18. You're an adult at that point.

Not saying it makes him a good guy and most dads would continue to help their kids. I'm sorry he didn't.

I'm well aware of how it works and my childhood pre-dated the current AG system. That was the entire point of that part of my comment. IOW, once his legal obligations were done he didn't do a thing to help out. I turned 18 at the beginning of my senior year of HS and my sister did as well. My mom still had the financial burden of supporting kids at home regardless of us being legally adults

It makes perfect sense to me that you would feel that way. I am glad that you had your dad, but you didn't deserve to be abandoned by your bio father in the first place. Losing them both around the same time would super suck. You have a double whammy for Father's Day. Grief can be so complicated.

I used to feel resentment and a slew of many other things for my dad for a long time after he died and Father's Day was a reminder of that, totes. The resentment was poisoning me so I sought help to process things and have been able to let it go. But I've had 20 years to your 5, and perhaps it does not affect your life as negatively as it did mine.

It was so freaking uncomfortable but doing therapist guided empty chair work in front of several other people (who also had their turn) was what helped me make the biggest progress. He was already dead but being able to tell my dad all the things I wish I could have told him - good and bad - and have it be witnessed by others gave me a feeling of relief and of being heard and understood and not alone. Therapy, writing letters to him and airing my grievances at his headstone also helped me with acceptance and in letting go.

Oh! And I've seen a psychic medium a couple of times who specializes in talking to dead relatives and it.was.AWESOME!!!

Amie Balesky used to live in Spring and now lives somewhere moral rural. She does all her sessions by Zoom. She's not cheap but was well worth it for the peace it brought me.

Ryan the Temp said:

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Ever since my birth father and my dad died five years ago, I've found myself resenting Father's Day. I know it seems so irrational, and maybe even a bit stupid, but it's just a day that reminds me of loss. I hate that they are both gone, especially that I never got the chance to reconnect with my estranged birth father before he died (that's a long story), and I find myself hating Father's Day as a result.

Anyone else feel this way?

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I get what you're saying. While other families are celebrating the presence of an important man in their lives, it's kinda tough for those of us who can only grasp for legacies and good memories. Same for Mother's Day (my mom died on Mother's Day 11 years ago). It's just not the same.

I don't resent Father's Day, but I find I'm a bit more sad than I expected. My Dad died in April. He had dementia, and he was struggling, so I was able to make peace with his death pretty quickly. But seeing all of the Father's Day ads and displays does make me a little sad.

Dad was an Army aviator, but when I was in elementary school, his schedule was surprisingly stable, and he was able to do things like be my coach for Little League. As I got older, he was doing more flying time away, and I got used to him being gone. We were still pretty close, but I don't think either of us felt like we had to see each other all the time. He and my Mom divorced while I was in college, but we kept in touch regularly, and we'd see each other once a year or so. Anyway, he was a great guy.

On a side note: I found out who my biological father was about five years after his death, and about three after my biological mother's death. He was a veteran of both Korea and Vietnam, and I think he and my biological mom weren't bad people, but just didn't make some good decisions.

Ryan the Temp said:

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Ever since my birth father and my dad died five years ago, I've found myself resenting Father's Day. I know it seems so irrational, and maybe even a bit stupid, but it's just a day that reminds me of loss. I hate that they are both gone, especially that I never got the chance to reconnect with my estranged birth father before he died (that's a long story), and I find myself hating Father's Day as a result.

Anyone else feel this way?

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Women on twitter seem to.

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He cut off child support when my sister and i respectively turned 18

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wut

AggieArchitect04 said:

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I don't have nearly the same circumstances so I don't feel that way but I am sorry for your loss.

Once I became a father it became more meaningful to me I guess, but still feels like just any other day.

The biggest benefit is no one gives me grief about what I want to do for the day/weekend.

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This. Zero ponce and circumstance. No celebrations and fighting crowds at restaurants. I revel in doing what I want with zero guilt, which usually amounts to nothing

I will add that this year's was definitely a very bitter sweet one. The sweet: I got to go to Omaha and watch the Aggie play with my two oldest kids who are both current Aggies. The bitter: My wife lost her day a month ago which is really soon then to have to experience a fathers day.

Father's Day use to be somewhat of a drag. My wife's father passed away in 2003, she always goes on about how hard the day is for her; basically raining on my parade. However, three years ago I learned that my father, who is still alive, is not my biological father. My biological father died in 1976. So now that I have a dead dad too she can't one up me anymore, so Father's Days have been much improved.