TLDR: almost got tased on the street in New Orleans.
I was almost tased my bachelor party weekend after getting kicked out of a bar in New Orleans. This was the last night there and I was pretty drunk off my ass. We drank all day and night for 3 days and were able to stave off getting sick or dehydrated by drinking pedialyte all weekend. This is easily the biggest binge I've ever been on.
The bar was full of people. We found a table and immediately started doing shots. Not long after something caught my eye…
The band at the bar made the mistake of leaving a full kit of drums just off the stage. I decided it was an invitation to join their band and started playing right in the middle of their set. I guess they had two drum kits because the drummer was yelling at me while we both tried to play. I took this as a signal that he wanted to compete head to head…a "drum off" if you will. Never one to back down from a challenge, I obliged. This is probably a good point in the story to explain that not only do I have no ****ing idea how to play the drums, I also don't play any musical instrument, nor do I have a firm grasp of beat, tempo, etc. I can kinda sing.
So anyways, there we are with the band trying to finish their song and me going absolutely ape **** just off stage. I mean I was really getting after it. Initially I was playing it like bongos because I hadn't found the drum sticks left on the floor. Once I picked those up I could really perform. Rattaaattaaatt!!!!
Ultimately the song ended, but I took the liberty of a solo and played on. The drummer was pretty fired up at this point and yelling at me from the stage. I yelled back. This shouting match continued for about a minute while the entire bar watched in disbelief. Eventually we started hurling personal threats toward one another. The entire place had gotten pretty quiet and you could hear very clearly what each of us was saying.
So, the kid had an Obama shirt on and I was intending to say "I'll **** you up" but combined it with "**** your Obama shirt" and what accidentally came out, as loud as I could yell, was "I'LL **** YOU IN THAT OBAMA SHIRT!"
He looked confused but still pretty angry. I was confused myself but a crowd had gathered and seemed to be enjoying things, so I was happy about that. That's when an old guy came up and said it was time for me to go. I didn't put up much of a fight. So I went outside but told him I needed back in and tried to convince him that I was part of the band. He wasn't buying it and when I said, "**** it, I'm going" he pulled out a taser (like a handheld one) and zapped it. I said, "Oh okay, *****" and walked away because getting tazed is literally one of my greatest fears.
My friends stayed at the bar that I couldn't get back into but it was okay because I found a small German documentary film crew and told them I could "show them the real New Orleans".
This was my first trip ever to New Orleans and I had no ****ing idea where we were. My buddies and I literally paid some guy in the street to take us somewhere. Anyways, I don't speak German but somehow I was able to convince these guys that I could really help them out. I took them from bar to bar and did shots and explained to them that they needed for pay for the drinks out of their travel budget because my services did not include expenses. Eventually I noticed it was just me drinking and them paying. They noticed too. After a few bars they caught on and told me to stop following them. Actually they yelled it.
I found my brother later that night and we both shared a pedicab ride back to the hotel.
Many more stories of that trip, but it'd be a super long post.
