Ladyboys for everyone.

You're fired.

Spoken to a group of engineers:

"It's ok, I know more about this than you do. "

Plan proceeds to fail miserably, resulting in transfer then removal of said boss.

"I just wanted to have some fun for a while."

When I worked in the oil bidness many years ago my boss's boss was a raging alcoholic. One week my boss was out on vacation. One night during that week, the drunk calls me at home and tells me he heard one of the seismic crews we had on contract "was in trouble". I knew that at the time we didn't have any crews under contract. So I told him that. To which he drunkenly swears "G..dammit IDAGG you don't even know who is working for us. WTF good are you!"

So I go into work the next morning, double check to make sure I was right (I was) and go down to his office when he finally staggers in. I verify that no seismic crews are working for us. He had no recollection of the phone conversation the night before.

And BTW, I have watched him drink 6 double gin and tonics and polish those off with a Heineken (so 13 drinks) on more than one occasion...at lunch. It was always fun that afternoon after those lunches.

IDAGG said:

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And BTW, I have watched him drink 6 double gin and tonics and polish those off with a Heineken (so 13 drinks) on more than one occasion...at lunch. It was always fun that afternoon after those lunches.

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Whilst working at Target during college:

"Working more than 20 hours a week at the store is better for your career than going to school full time."

"These walkies are worth more than your cars."

Years ago I worked at a state office in Huntsville. In 1994 i was still using an IBM Selectric III for all my reports. I went to my boss and asked if I could requisition a basic computer with the latest version of Microsoft Word. After I made the request and outlined my reasons why (increased productivity, saves time, etc) the conversation went like this:
Boss: I don't think I can approve that.
Me: Why? If it's a budget issue I'll pay for it and the software myself.
Boss: You do realize that we have prison trusty''s clean the offices at night.
Me: Yes sir. What's that got to do with anything? Their supervised and the PC will be password protected.
Boss: Those prisoners are a lot smarter than you think. It would only take a minute for one of them to get on the internet.
Me: Huh? That could't happen.The PC won't have a modem or the software to support dial up.
Boss: All they need is a split wire and run a lead from your telephone jack to the computer.
Me: WTF? Sir, I don't know where you got that information but the stuff you see on MacGyver isn't
real.
Boss: Sorry, I just can't take that chance.

Two months later all the offices on my floor were provided PC's with limited internet access.
The biggest kicker though was I left that job a few years later and after kicking around for awhile I took a job with the county. Who's the first person I see on my first day on the job? Yup. Thankfully not in a position that directly effects me.

"Money is not a motivator "

Generally heard around the time of year when raises were given out.

Bottlehead90 said:

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"Money is not a motivator "

Generally heard around the time of year when raises were given out.

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This.

Keep buying the company stock. Worldcom will rebound from this.

Assistant supervisor has repeatedly used the phrase "I'm not sure I know what I think." When asked about issues. Yet she keeps getting promoted throughout the organization.

Boss: i am trying to figure out what my job entails.

Me after leaving her office: it's been 6 months....

"Sam Houston was a *****, he wasn't going to fight ****"
I have a cool boss.

SassyAggie87 said:

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Your boss complemented your ass?

ITT: a lot of poors ironically making fun of their boss who is/was more qualified for the position you dream about and think you can perform better at.

I know you asked for Thursday and Friday off but do you think you could come in on Thursday morning for a couple of hours?

You dorks have bosses?

A customer said this and looking back on it, it's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. CTO of a Fortune 500 company to me about 10 years ago: "Cloud computing will be just another fad".

SassyAggie87 said:

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Post said ass. Thanks

When I went to my boss to inform him 1 month in advance that the job date he confirmed with the customer was unattainable and that we needed to inform them of a delay.

him "you are to negative, we just need to put our faith in God's hands and he will ensure our success"

me with a bewildered look "seriously?"

Him "yes, the lord will ensure our timely completion of the current work so that we can make the deadline"

me "There is absolutely zero chance that we will make this. There is to much work to be done and not enough days. Let me draw you a picture" - I draw a pic on his board in his office outlining all of the scenarios and explain that we would literally have to break every company record and that there weren't enough hours in the day to do so

him "God will take care of it, keep the faith"

Me "I don't know man, I would much rather ask God to keep our crews safe rather than ask him to handle our scheduling issues because we are too ****ing stupid to do so on our own" I walk out the door

His mistake cost us $250k in customer concessions. He was fired 2 months later.

Probably because you didn't keep the faith.

I used to work for a company that did air conditioning for buildings. Owner hires this complete outsider, because he's friends with one of the architects we worked with. In a project meeting with a building customer, his explanation of the air conditioning deficiencies was:

"On a Friday afternoon it could get hot."

The customers just looked at themselves wondering what it was about Fridays that made the air conditioning not cool correctly and said:

"Well, I guess we'll just have to take off early on Fridays."

AggieBand2004 said:

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You dorks have bosses?

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Says the guy who was in band.

"Profit isn't important. We just need to sell these farmers on conservation practices."

B-1 83 said:

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"Profit isn't important. We just need to sell these farmers on conservation practices."

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You worked for a Democrat?

invite all the tacoslappers you want

I put my hand on a bible, not 60 seconds ago my boss just yelled at me for tipping 40% on the company credit card...

The meal was 9.50, I left 4 dollars...

I got nothing... what do you even say to that...


My last company would have probably yelled at me if I did not leave 5 bucks.

Former Team lead: "all the processes here are all messed up, nothing flows correctly"

Me: "documents new process to make everything flow"

Former Team lead: "that's not how we do it around here, no one is open to change."

Me: promoted

"Here's the two first things we gotta do..."

I've got you all beat. The Ass Superintendent of the school district (no, I didn't abbreviate that correctly) summoned me and another teacher to a meeting and proceeded to chew us out royally. His face got red, veins were standing out in his neck, he looked to be heading for a stroke. He rambled on and on about a letter attempting to organize staff in a class action lawsuit. When he finally let us speak we told him that we had no idea what he was talking about. He opened his briefcase and pulled out a letter that "we" had written and distributed, and then his face fell when he realized that it had nothing to do with us: it was signed by two teachers in the same subject area on another campus.