Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag

6,622 Views | 13 Replies | Last: 12 yr ago by Midlife Crisis
Gradaggie05
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Do all of yourselves a favor and read the one star reviews on amazon. Those people suffered immense pain and humiliation but then had the courage to share.

Not linking to it cause a) don't know the rules about linking to a commercial site and b) I wouldn't forgive myself if some of you good people actually bought these.

If this has been mentioned before on the GB, your snarky yet unfunny "moon bomb" comments will be ironic seeing as these little b@stards come from Germany.
Gnome Sockinabout
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quote:
(This happened two years ago while I was in the ARMY stationed in Fort Irwin, CA) So, most people that know me, knows how much I love gummy candy. So I decided to buy this five-pound bag of gummy bears. I remember it was a Friday, when they finally arrived in the mail. It was early in the morning when mail arrived and I stopped by my P.O Box before I went to work. I opened the package and proceeded to snack on these bears for the majority of the day. I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning. The last thing I ate was Sushi from the night before. So, finally the day came to an end. I still munched on the gummy bears. So now, it's been about 8 hours since I first started eating the bears. My stomach started to rumble and I became very gassy, then out of nowhere my arse became the Hell Mouth releasing all sorts of demons wrecking havoc on my toilet!

All the while I'm sitting their wondering, what the hell? I haven't eaten anything other than Sushi. So, like an idiot, trying to figure out why my third point of contact is re-enacting the eruption of Mount St. Helens, I'm still eating the damn gummy bears Eventually I figured it out long story short. My bathroom was filled with great odors, loud music from the bowels of hell and I didn't sleep that entire weekend.

So now, I have about four pounds left over Since I don't believe in waste. In the ARMY, what's mine is yours, so, I shared it with my entire troop. :-) My captain was very "happy" with me the next day.

These Gummy Bears are life changing. I could've swore I saw God, while on the Porcelain God.
AnyOtherName
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Have a couple friends who got to experience these first hand in their office. They paid it forward and sent a couple bag to the trading desks of 8 banks they work with in NYC as "Holiday Gifts" haha.

Prune Tracy
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Sounds like those old chips with olean or olester or whatever it was. I've never been so close to literally ****ting the floor in front of a crowd of people.
rhoswen
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Actually have a friend on Facebook who had an issue with these last week
Cromagnum
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quote:
Amazon Verified Purchase
Oh manwords cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar varietyI was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hellthe stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
Cromagnum
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quote:
Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.
ElCheAg
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quote:
Lycasin's known side effects in adults include bloating, intestinal gurgling or rumbling (borborygmi), and flatulence. Some cases of severe intestinal distress have resulted from consuming excessive quantities of foods containing Lycasin. Prolonged or acute diarrhea may be a sign of Lycasin poisoning and individuals should seek immediate medical help if they experience these symptoms.[3] Anecdotal product reviews appear to support these research findings.
Catch
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A buddy of mine bought these based on the reviews to see if they were in fact true. I volunteered to be the guinea pig. Got to his place after work and hadn't eaten anything all day so I was starving. And damned if this ****ers weren't super tasty. I only planned on a handful, but ended up scarfing down at least 300 of those ****er. Then we went bar hopping. Hit BW's for beer and wings when the first case of the ****s hit. Wasn't terrible. Started just like any normal poop, but definitely wasn't finished when I thought I was. First poop was basically uncorking it. Pure liquid **** from that point on. **** twice more at the next bar, and then again at the next two bars. Got home and headed straight for the ****ter. ******* was raw as **** by that point, not from pooping but all the wiping. Had one last ho at it around 6am and after that all was back to normal. Really wasn't near as bad as all the reviews made it out. Definitely wouldn't stop me from eating them again.
marble rye
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All sugar free candies have this effect. Sugar alcohols will turn your ass into an erupting volcano on the sink bc you couldnt get an open toilet.
Spicy McHaggis
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I picked up a bag of Bucee's sugar-free gummi bears on the way to a family vacation last summer. Barely made it to our destination before all hell broke loose. I missed out on the first night of festivities because I couldn't trust a fart for the next 6 hours. Had to be within 20 ft. of a toilet all night.
sts7049
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i wanna get some of these for the office coffee room vultures
Corps_Ag12
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I might buy these to give to any of the subcontractors who make me mad. Kill em with kindness right?

[This message has been edited by Corps_ag12 (edited 1/11/2014 11:26p).]
marble rye
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A doctor told me that the resulting burn is called "ring sting". Actual medical term for that.
Midlife Crisis
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I won't believe it until NYDA confirms.
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