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I have 3 children. Ages 11 B, 7G, and 5B. Since they were newborns, we had a very specific bedtime routine. Long playful bath, and when they got out I would lather them with baby magic (still love that smell), give them a baby massage, pajamas, book, nursing, bed.
Well, most of that has still continued. Don't worry, I don't nurse them, but they do get some warm milk (cows milk), lotion, massage, story and bed. My 5 and 7 year olds still enjoy it, and yes I still help them with the lotion and still give them a massage, but only because they ask for it. They love the one on one time. My 11 year old has been doing it by himself for almost 2 years now, even though he fought about not needing the lotion, but our area (new mexico) is very dry and their skin gets dry and irritated so easily. And didn't want the massages anymore. Well, lately, he has been wanting me to help him with his lotion and giving him a massage again. I was telling my mother that I think its because my DH and I (yes, the kid's father) are in the process getting divorced. It hasn't been super ugly, but it hasn't been pretty either. So I hink he just wants that one on one time again.
My mother flipped out on me. Telling me how its inappropriate, and that he is probably masturbating by now, and is doing it for sexual stimulation. I was appalled! You think I would know if my son was getting any sexual gratification from it! I'm not STUPID! And he wears under wear! Its not like he just lays there either! Yes he may be a little old for me to baby him this way, but I'm not going to refuse, especially when he is having such a rough time since his father moved out. She also thinks my 5 year old son is too old as well. But my 7 year old daughter is ok because she is a girl.
Is this just because of her age? I always remembered her being super paranoid about sexual predators and molestors, but for her to think something innapraoraite is going on between me and my son is not only absurd, but sickening. I told her so and promptly hung up on her.
How would you handle this situation?
and a smattering of responses
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Gross. When do you plan on stopping? 13? 16? The fact that you rub your 11 year old son down in lotion while he's in his underwear is disturbing. Really disturbing. You better hope your ex doesn't get wind of this. It will look terrible in court.
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God forbid he pops a bonie while your massaging him. Yeah I think its way too old and kinda creepy actually. Sorry thats just how I feel about.
I'm not acussing you of anything. I'm just saying for me, that seems too old.
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Yes, at 11 it is inappropriate to be lotion on his body. Your son can do this himself. IF you guys want to spend some one on one time and "bond", do so some other way. Your 11yo can read you a book or play games together or just spend one on one time with him going shopping. It is inappropriate for EITHER gendered parent to be massaging an 11yo. And NO you aren't going to know if your son was getting any sexual gratification from it. He may not have "hard ons" or masturbate right away, but he might later on when he is alone and in bed OR he may not be doing it at all. Its got nothing to do with your mom's age or being super paranoid about sexual predators - and I'm a pretty open person sexually. I walk around nude with my kids around - even I still wouldnt "massage" my 11yo son with lotion or at all (and yes my son is 11 now).
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The amount of crazy in this group still amazes me. An 11 year old is not too old to get a massage. I'm a grown woman and I get massages. And you know what, when you go to a masseuse to get a massage, it's perfectly acceptable to get naked for it, but that still doesn't make it sexual.
It's no wonder that children are sexualized at such a young age now when mothers are sexualizing their children. I think it's sickening how many of you think it's inappropriate because it's only inappropriate if you make it that way. Massages feel good, and that's all this comes down to. If the child is comfortable with it and the mother is comfortable with it, there's not a damn thing wrong with it.
And shame on all of you for sexualizing children in that manner. This is what is wrong with our world.
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I see nothing wrong with putting lotion on his back because he can't reach, but a full body massage is too much....I think it's too much at 7 also. I'm very affectionate with my kids, but this borders on creepy.
