You were really brave! You, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists. You said, "World, this is my blood! It's red, just like yours. So love me!"


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Michael: Here's the thing, Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens--Small Businessman Magazine.

Jan: It said that?

Michael: It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.

It's true.

A gentleman does not kiss and tell – and neither do I.

Threat Level: Midnight

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That's so funny, I almost had awesome blossom coming out of my nose!

I don't understand...you want to see other people? Only other people?

Every day, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And every day, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?

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Michael, who makes your suit?

Umm, MISSterious. And it's mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side- that's the mystery.

Favorite quote from season 1: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Favorite quote from season 2: I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.

Favorite quote from season 3:I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

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Limitless paper...in a paperless world.