***** NORTHERN EXPOSURE: THE 2023 JOEY GALLO APPRECIATION THREAD *****

33,249 Views | 415 Replies | Last: 2 mo ago by RED AG 98
Dies Irae
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In honor of Gallo's meteoric ascent up the K leader board; I would like to present to you a little ballad I wrote; sung to the tune of "The Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks

The Donkey Rolls

In a crowded ballpark, on a summer's night,

Where legends were made and dreams took flight,
There stood a slugger, strong and tall,
The one, the only King Donkey, a hero to us all.

With a mighty swing and a heart of fire,
He stepped into the box, his one desire,
To send that ball soaring, oh so high,
yet content to K looking, watching the ball fly by

(Chorus)
But the Donkey rolls, and watches strikes,
Another rally goes cold, on a hitless night
As the Donkey Rolls on, skyrocketing up the K-list
Unlike an 0-2 fastball, he won't be missed.
YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Well, the cheese eating French Canadian has been shipped down to Triple A where he belongs, but it is out of the frying pan and into the fire as the regular 2nd baseman comes back and steals Donkey's leadoff spot.

Rockhead moved Joey down to SEVENTH in tonight's lineup. i really wish his village would come and retrieve their idiot.

With another K tonight, Donkey would tie Starlin Castro and Lyle Overbay for 270th all time. Two Ks gives him sole possession.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
HE STANDS ALONE!!!

270!!

With his 61st K of the year and 2nd of the night, Donkey is also threatening to break into the top 20 of the season race!
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Dies Irae
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The bleeding edge of the "one true outcome" movement. We're going to need a meaningless solo home run soon just to keep that OPS in the "baldelli zone"
YokelRidesAgain
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AG
It is true, Baldelli seems to have, at best, a limited appreciation for the importance of the strikeout position.

The lead strikeout guy--and it should be noted that tonight's performance vaulted King Donkey into the top spot on the Twins, passing Byron Buxton, who apparently can't strike out after being drilled in the ribs with a fastball--shows his teammates how to miss as many of the opposing hurler's pitches as possible, so they can do the opposite.

Donkey's three strikeouts carried the Twins to tonight's comeback, 7-6 win.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Joey's meteoric rise up the strikeout leaderboard has brought him up to 17th on the year with 62 strikeouts, only a Golden Sombrero away from the top ten and two Sombreros away from third place.

So what do we find this evening? Do we find him rewarded with the leadoff spot? No, we do not--and we do not even find him in the lineup at all! Against a right handed pitcher, no less!

How dare you, Rockhead? The unmitigated gall of the thing boggles the mind!

We don't want Max Kepler. We don't want contact hitters.

We want STRIKEOUTS.

We want KING DONKEY!!!
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Dies Irae
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A prophet is not without honor, but in his own country, and in his own house, and among his own kindred
YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Dies Irae said:

A prophet is not without honor, but in his own country, and in his own house, and among his own kindred


And on the Dodgers. And the Yankees.
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redline248
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
As irritated as I am about King Donkey, Twins random bozo Willi Castro just pulled off a strikeout you rarely see, partially redeeming the evening.

Castro swung on a slider for strike three that was kind of inside. How inside?

It hit him in the leg.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Due to jealousy over his recent success, the Twins' braintrust forced Donkey onto the IL for a "hamstring injury".

Reached for comment, Donkey had this to say:

"Coach Socko told me to get on some kind of a list for a ham sandwich. I was pretty hungry, so I said OK, even though I don't like ham that much. I like the KFC Double Down. That has ham on it, right?

Now they're telling me I can't strike out for over a week! I just don't understand."
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Even though the Donkey has been temporarily shackled, it remains an exciting time in strikeouts.

The team at the vanguard of the One True Outcome Movement is, of course, Joey Gallo's Minnesota Twins. Their pitching staff is currently 4th in the majors with 582 strikeouts, only 6 back of first place Toronto.

That performance pales in comparison to that of the Twins hitters, who lead the majors with 625 strikeouts, 26 clear of second place San Francisco. The Twins are currently on pace for 1,660 strikeouts, which would break the mythical 1600 K barrier for the first time in MLB history.

In the individual race, Teoscar Hernandez (82) and Matt Olson (80) continue to lead the field.

Lurking back in third is last year's champ, Kyle Schwarber, with 77. Ryan McMahon of Colorado is in 4th place with 76 and yet another outstanding competitor from Seattle, Jared Kelenic, joins the top 5 with 75.

Seattle has four players in the top 10 in strikeouts and are still 41 behind the Twins as a team. Clearly, the Mariners coaching staff needs to emphasize strikeout consistency throughout the lineup.
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Dies Irae
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YokelRidesAgain said:

Even though the Donkey has been temporarily shackled, it remains an exciting time in strikeouts.

The team at the vanguard of the One True Outcome Movement is, of course, Joey Gallo's Minnesota Twins. Their pitching staff is currently 4th in the majors with 582 strikeouts, only 6 back of first place Toronto.

That performance pales in comparison to that of the Twins hitters, who lead the majors with 625 strikeouts, 26 clear of second place San Francisco. The Twins are currently on pace for 1,660 strikeouts, which would break the mythical 1600 K barrier for the first time in MLB history.

In the individual race, Teoscar Hernandez (82) and Matt Olson (80) continue to lead the field.

Lurking back in third is last year's champ, Kyle Schwarber, with 77. Ryan McMahon of Colorado is in 4th place with 76 and yet another outstanding competitor from Seattle, Jared Kelenic, joins the top 5 with 75.

Seattle has four players in the top 10 in strikeouts and are still 41 behind the Twins as a team. Clearly, the Mariners coaching staff needs to emphasize strikeout consistency throughout the lineup.
I don't know if Kelenic has the staying power to run with the big boys; the youngster is eager, but i've already seen him choking up on the bat in his last few games.
YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Dies Irae said:


I don't know if Kelenic has the staying power to run with the big boys; the youngster is eager, but i've already seen him choking up on the bat in his last few games.
Don't sleep on the short, compact strikeout stroke.

Chicks dig the big swing and a miss, but the next thing you know you have a strained side and Rockhead is sending you to the IL.

You can't strike out if you're not on the field.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
The man, the myth, the legend--is BACK!!!

King Donkey is off the IL today and has quite a bit of ground to make up, having fallen to 52nd in MLB in strikeouts with 62.

You really have to admire the resilience and consistency of his teammates in striking out without him. Despite Michael A. Taylor leading the team with a mediocre 63 Ks, good for only 44th in baseball, the Twins maintain an outstanding 10+ strikeout/game average as a team, leading the majors with 678 and on pace for a record shattering 1664.

In the individual race, Atlanta's Matt Olson has reclaimed the lead by one over Seattle's Teoscar Hernandez, 88 to 87. Ryan McMahon of Colorado is threatening to make it a three man race with 85. Tied for fourth with 80 are Teoscar's fellow Mariners, Jarred Kelenic and Eugenio Suarez, along with last year's champ Kyle Schwarber.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
While Joey was on ice, San Diego palooka Manny Machado passed him on the career strikeout list with 1113. Of course, it took Machado more than twice as many at bats to hit Joey's current mark of 1110, and that lead is not long for the world.

Donkey needs just 3 Ks to tie Hall of Famer Mike Piazza.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
That lousy Quebecois, Edouard Julien, keeps sneaking back to Target Field from St Paul and inserting himself in the Twins lineup. Usually, as tonight, in the lead up slot that belongs to King Donkey.

Rockhead is batting Joey EIGHTH tonight.
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Dies Irae
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YokelRidesAgain said:

That lousy Quebecois, Edouard Julien, keeps sneaking back to Target Field from St Paul and inserting himself in the Twins lineup. Usually, as tonight, in the lead up slot that belongs to King Donkey.

Rockhead is batting Joey EIGHTH tonight.


8th is 2nd clean up, think it also has a good chance to increase his LOB totals
YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Heroic performance by King Donkey tonight.

Despite a frustrating evening in which he reached base twice, when the chips were down KING DONKEY DELIVERED!!

With the bases loaded, two out, and the Twins trailing 5-3 in the bottom of the 8th (and, more importantly, stuck on 10 strikeouts for the night), Joey came through with a dominant K looking!!

Inspired by his example of how not to hit the ball, his teammates went homer-walk-single-homer to walk off the Brew Crew in the bottom of the ninth.

It is moments like this when you know that One True Outcome baseball is the righteous path.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Attending Pride Night at Target Field, which I assumed was an opportunity to show pride in the front office for signing KING DONKEY at a steep discount.

Apparently the meaning is somewhat different.

In other news, Rockhead is still mentally handicapped and Joey is stuck batting 7th.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Pride Night is great people watching. They had two dudes compete against each other to see who could catch the most pop flies. Three each, and they dropped, that's right ALL OF THEM.

Joey himself was surely impressed with the ball missing ability.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
I hate to say it, but Donkey is in a funk since he got off the DL.

If he wants to get back in the strikeout race, he can't be generating extra base hits on 1 strike counts.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
With an 0-2 count and the catcher set up high and outside, who's swinging away?

KING DONKEY, that's who!
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
DONKEY TIES MIKE PIAZZA ON THE ALL TIME LIST WITH MAGNIFICENT FORM.

HE DIDN'T NEED "THE CREAM" OR "THE CLEAR" EITHER.

NOTHING BUT PURE, 100% NATURAL TACO BELL CRUNCHWRAPS SUPREME.



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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
FLY HIGH, YOU BEAUTIFUL DONKEY!!

GOLDEN SOMBRERO!!
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Donkey is tonight's second leadoff hitter in the 5 hole, while the slurpeur de poutine, Edouard Julien, continues his unlawful occupation of the leadoff slot.

Donkey is ready to miss Kutters from tonight's starter, Kutter Crawford, along with fastballs, sinkers, sliders, splitters, curveballs, screwballs, change-ups, eephus pitches or whatever else he may throw.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Nervy moment for the Donkey as he looked to be at risk for the 4th sac fly of his career, but fortunately the runner got himself picked off third base by the catcher.

Donkey followed this up with a picture perfect K looking. He was 0 for 2 with two strikeouts after 4. The bad news is that his night is over as he was ejected for arguing balls and strikes

He has passed Manny Machado and tied with former Twins shortstop Greg Gagne for 263rd on the career list, with 1121strikeouts in only 3002 at bats.

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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Reached for comment in the clubhouse shortly after the ejection, Joey had this to say: "I don't hit sacrifice flies, and all the umpires know it. I've accidentally hit 3 in my career, and I needed months of therapy after all of them. All I'm asking is that they meet me halfway. If there's a man on third and less than two out when I'm at the plate, they need to call any pitch that doesn't bounce on the infield grass or hit the backstop on the fly a strike. I don't think that's too much to ask."
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Only one at bat (a useless can of corn to the outfield) for Donkey in the last two games.

It doesn't seem that Rockhead sees his slash line in June (.143/.200/.214, with 14 strikeouts) as the great thing that it is.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Donkey is finally allowed to play tonight, in a regionally televised game on the Fox network, no less.

Rockhead has stuck him in the 7 hole, while Kid Poutine continues to lead off.
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yawny06
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AG
The Braves broadcast crew announced, just after Gallo's 3rd strikeout of the day, that he has struck out 42 times in his last 24 games. That is effort there...
YokelRidesAgain
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Joey is, for the moment, up to 20th place on the MLB strikeout list, 22 back of current leader Teoscar Hernandez, who has 106. If not for his two IL stints, the Donk would be in the top 5, if not leading the majors.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
The Donk achieved the Three True Outcome cycle tonight, with a homer, a walk, and (of course) a strikeout!
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YokelRidesAgain
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YokelRidesAgain said:

The Donk achieved the Three True Outcome cycle tonight, with a homer, a walk, and (of course) a strikeout!
He's trying to do it for the second day in a row. Walk and home run in the books, now he needs the K.

Donkey is leading the Twins in home runs, walks, and strikeouts, despite missing 22 games this year.

ETA: HE HAS DONE IT! K LOOKING!

In the series against Baltimore, Joey has gone 2 for 5 with 2 walks, 2 homers, and 2 strikeouts. That's an OPS of 2.171, for those keeping score at home.
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YokelRidesAgain
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AG
Time for another look at the leaders in baseball's most important play, the strikeout.

On the team side, Joey Gallo's Minnesota Twins are running away from the field as they continue to strike out like a team possessed, led by (of course) King Donkey himself with 86. The Twins added 12 more Ks yesterday in a 1-0 victory over Baltimore, taking their total to 861 for the year, on pace for an astounding and record breaking 1660.

The Twins' sole run came on a homer by the Donk. His reward for singlehandedly winning the game was getting benched by Rockhead today.

In the individual race, the top 5 are the only current members of the 100 K club:

1) Teoscar Hernandez, SEA, 110
2) Kyle Schwarber, PHI 106
3) Ryan McMahon, COL 105
4) Matt Olson, ATL 102 (Olson has been in a serious funk recently, with only 4Ks in his last 25 at bats.)
5) Jarred Kelenic, SEA 101

The players who are knock, knock, knocking on one hundred's door include Luis Robert Jr. of the White Sox and Ryan Noda of the Zombie As, with 99, and something called Mike Trout with 98.
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