GOOD DAY FOR DONKEY!!!

Village idiot Rockhead Baldelli described Joey's MRI results as "something they were hoping for". Given his intellectual disability, it is difficult to interpret Baldelli's words, but at least Donkey is not on the IL for now.

Also the official scorer changed his opening day flare to right field from an error to a single, so Donkey raises his average to .278 while sitting in the Champions Club eating cheese curds.

I'm starting to question his dedication.

Here are some great Joey #s to pass the day.

Joey's best stadiums

Angel Stadium: .155, 50 strikeouts in 103 at-bats (.485 WHF AVG)
Chase Field: .032, 12 strikeouts in 31 at-bats (.387 WHF AVG)
Coors Field: .105, 9 strikeouts in 18 at-bats (.500 WHF AVG)
Minute Maid Park: .133, 72 strikeouts in 135 at-bats (.533 WHF AVG)
Marlins Park: .071, 12 strikeouts in 28 at-bats (.423 WHF AVG)
Camden Yards: .133, 25 strikeouts in 60 at-bats (.417 WHF AVG)

Never count out Joey Gallo. He can get on a run and put up 40 strikeouts in a month.

If you look around the Majors today, you see that the Gallo Effect has been activated. Every team Joey plays for turns to gold because of his benevolence.

If the playoffs started today, which would be weird, the Yankees, Twins, Rangers, and Dodgers would all get a spot.

Former MVP Christian Yelich has taken over the MLB strikeout lead with 19 in 44 at-bats. He had a hat trick yesterday and one on Monday and is on pace for 280 whiffs for the year.

Kids, let's give it up for Matt Olson with the Golden Sombrero yesterday, giving him 7 strikeouts in 2 days and getting him into a tie with Phily's Nick Castellanos for the stirkeout lead.

The best part is that Olson is having an incredible season. Through 13 games he's on pace for 62 doubes, 50 homers, 150 RBI, 125 walks, 123 runs, and 274 strikeouts. My cup runneth over.

I'll be in the ATL next weekend to see this modern-day Barry Bonds go up against the Astros. I'll try to let him know he's a major player on the Gallo Season 3.

Meanwhile, Castellanos might be some sort of cyborg because he has struck out at least once in every game this year. He's also having a great season, hitting .292.

King Donkey is eligible to come off the DL on April 18th. He needs to get back to it with this poser Edouard Julien called up in his absence. He plays 2B, but he's hitting in Joey's spot with a 1.089 OPS in 2 games and he hasn't even struck out yet.

Christian Yelich is third at 21, and newcomer Jazz Chisholm Jr. is up to 20 in 13 games for Miami.

The Porkchop Express said:

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Kids, let's give it up for Matt Olson with the Golden Sombrero yesterday, giving him 7 strikeouts in 2 days and getting him into a tie with Phily's Nick Castellanos for the stirkeout lead.

The best part is that Olson is having an incredible season. Through 13 games he's on pace for 62 doubes, 50 homers, 150 RBI, 125 walks, 123 runs, and 274 strikeouts. My cup runneth over.

I'll be in the ATL next weekend to see this modern-day Barry Bonds go up against the Astros. I'll try to let him know he's a major player on the Gallo Season 3.

Meanwhile, Castellanos might be some sort of cyborg because he has struck out at least once in every game this year. He's also having a great season, hitting .292.

King Donkey is eligible to come off the DL on April 18th. He needs to get back to it with this poser Edouard Julien called up in his absence. He plays 2B, but he's hitting in Joey's spot with a 1.089 OPS in 2 games and he hasn't even struck out yet.

Christian Yelich is third at 21, and newcomer Jazz Chisholm Jr. is up to 20 in 13 games for Miami.

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You left out one minor detail. That is seven times, IN A ROW.

I know, because I watched.

Every. Single. One.

Something special happened in St. Paul, Minnesota on Saturday.

Joey Gallo put the whole MLB pitching force on notice.

The Big Train is on the tracks.

In his second rehab game with the Saint Paul Saints, and hey bravo on that original team name, King Donkey went 0 for 4 with 4 strikeouts, showing the whole world that he is ready to resume his conquest of history.

That's right kids, not just a Golden Sombrero. A TRIPLE A GOLDEN SOMBRERO.

Sometimes I feel like Joey Gallo is Jeff Bridges' character in the second Tron movie. Everyone else is slinging their discs around and punching and kicking like idiots and he comes in and shuts the power off on the whole place. Other hitters in baseball are piling up 20 strikeouts in the first 15 games. Joey's down on the farm finding ways to strikeout against inferior pitching that most guys never even dream about.


Digital Joey?

The Porkchop Express said:

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In his second rehab game with the Saint Paul Saints, and hey bravo on that original team name, King Donkey went 0 for 4 with 4 strikeouts, showing the whole world that he is ready to resume his conquest of history.

That's right kids, not just a Golden Sombrero. A TRIPLE A GOLDEN SOMBRERO.

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As spectacular as this was, it should be noted that the villainous manager of the St Paul Saints, Toby Gardenhire, robbed us of the chance for a Triple A Platinum sombrero by pulling Donkey for a pinch hitter in the 9th inning.

Joey achieved three swinging strikeouts against starting pitcher Quinn Priester of Indianapolis Indians (another burst of spectacular creativity in naming, and unlike the Cleveland Indians, definitely not racist). Priester has never reached the major leagues. He also struck out swinging against reliever Daniel Zamora, who has 27 MLB strikeouts and a career 4.50 ERA in the big leagues.