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Just curious, how does that future look for her? I mean...just because she's never asked or pressured doesn't mean she doesn't have some hope or small expectation for "someday". ..
At the end of the day, I'm not sure what advice you're going to get. Ultimately it seems like it has to come down to your concern for your spouse, her expectations, and your desire to make her happy. If you put those things first, everything else sort of becomes window dressing
It's not that my wife doesn't care, she would prefer that I go to church with. However, she does not expect it or hope for a change, either now or in the future, and if she did I would definitely know.
I agree with you that mine and my families guilt is something that I/they need to get over, but that's always easier said than done. For #4, the point is that when the chips are down, we cling to things that have value, and religion, whether I believe or not, is a good comfort blanket, and something that I think has been a net positive in my life. That's why I'm open to attending, even if I don't necessarily believe.
Advice is all good and well, as well as hearing how others in similar boats have dealt with things.