TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT sounds batsh*t insane...

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M.C. Swag
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In reply to Flashdiaz • 10:07a, 6/21/17
AG
lol I tried to share a screenshot of those reviews but couldnt get the link to work.

Some other good ones:

Quote:
fiiigjhkwetwnwwwjsahafajhwfohofoehaoowofoeoicioeciaqidjFaerlaeaffjgjlje XGRSXSsfdsmfjjjsomuchrandomstuffsomuchegjwogpjwd

-Bilge Ebiri
Village Voice
Quote:
Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

-Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
Quote:
Every few years, Michael Bay and his giant digital robots sally forth from their gilded dungeon to inflict damage on the world's brain cells. Transformers: The Last Knight is their most concerted assault yet, making me fear for the sanity of the planet.

-Peter Howell
Toronto Star
Quote:
A movie that is at once loud yet incoherent, complex yet idiotic, and expensive yet worthless.

-Cary Darling
Fort Worth Star-Telegram/DFW.com
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dcaggie04
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10:12a, 6/21/17
AG
Let's be fair, if movie critics actually had brain cells, they wouldn't be movie critics. They would have real jobs.
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Complete Idiot
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In reply to M.C. Swag • 10:14a, 6/21/17
M.C. Swag said:
lol I tried to share a screenshot of those reviews but couldnt get the link to work.

Some other good ones:

Quote:
fiiigjhkwetwnwwwjsahafajhwfohofoehaoowofoeoicioeciaqidjFaerlaeaffjgjlje XGRSXSsfdsmfjjjsomuchrandomstuffsomuchegjwogpjwd

-Bilge Ebiri
Village Voice
Here's What the New Transformers Movie Is Like
'Transformers: The Last Knight,' reviewed.
by Bilge Ebiri
JUNE 20, 2017

PARAMOUNT PICTURES
In the opening scene of Transformers: The Last Knight, we are presented with the spectacle of King Arthur and his knights locked in an existential battle for the survival of human civilization, even though we're not really told who or what they're fighting for. No matter, because this after all is a Transformers movie, so soon we're faced with

fiiigjhkwetwnwwwjsahafajhwfohofoehaoowofoeoicioeciaqidjFaerlaeaffjgjlje XGRSXSsfdsmfjjjsomuchrandomstuffsomuchegjwogpjwd bldklhjitslikeyouthoughttheearliermovieswereeconfusinghahahah mfjff7ga98fhfhfplwxczchowarekidssupposedtounderstandanyofthisVSSH gmnskglactuallyhowareadultssupposedtounderstandanyofthisjskjjlvr lmnkrjsljrjsaywhatyouwillbutonceuponatimejsogrjdvpvarivpaeimp grfggjsfsfpoemichaelbaycouldbringbeautytoanactionsceneeeevgrhcgg oiwxgamanicpoetryfilledwithkineticgraceandheroismgjvbbp mnfwdwdwkpad3dkkalikewhateverhappenedtoTHATguydzxwqs szmtheguywhomadetherockandbadboys2andeventhefirsttransformerswzns hmnffrqerqrqpainandgaintoothatwasprettygoodhahqqxjpq3Oirgaraaem hjsxsmvermavrbutnowhesbecomeaselfparodykljekwjkjjjejhar grm***afafmmfhkjasxxandthecrazythingisheknowsitjcejjdagmfflrlrl 3jq3aefrabutdoesntseemtoknowhowtoescapeitzklWSCMC
(Actually, there is one pretty good scene about halfway through, when a British butler robot named Cogman keeps undercutting Anthony Hopkins's stirring speeches by playing the film's rousing theme music in the background on organs and such. This got real laughs from me, and for once, I felt like Bay's desperate attempts at humor were working. But then it was back to
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M.C. Swag
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In reply to Complete Idiot • 10:17a, 6/21/17
AG
lol such an amazing review
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jr15aggie
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12:47p, 6/21/17
AG
What's so interesting is that, for me, the first one was really good. Wasn't a "great movie" but it followed the typical summer blockbuster formula... great action mixed with cheeky (but good enough to make you giggle) humor, and best of all, the story followed an actual plot line and basically saw it through to the end.

#2 pretty much set the tone for everything since then. There were at least 2 scenes in particular in that movie where it jumps and doesn't even try to explain itself... you as the audience are left to accept "OK I guess this is what's happening now so we are just gonna go with it".

#4 most definitely took this to the next level and it sounds like #5 just stopped trying. I still would like to see it (and after this week at work my mind going numb is possibly a good thing), but it would be nice if they could dial it back a little and get back to what made the 1st one enjoyable.
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Max Power
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In reply to TCTTS • 1:06p, 6/21/17
AG
There's even a point at which Wahlberg's character gives a motivational speech to a group of soldiers and I sh*t you not he somehow quotes the lyrics from like three different hip hop songs from the '90s unironically. As in, I don't think any writer or filmmaker on set knew they were quoting famous '90s hip hop lyrics and I'm pretty sure one of the lines was from one of Wahlberg's own songs, but there's ZERO wink-factor. This movie is full of sh*t like that. Just a bunch of crazy weird lines and exchanges that make no sense whatsoever. Some you've heard a thousand times before, but shoehorned where they don't belong, and others - so many others - where it feels like you're truly going mad because it's just random words and sentences being spoken that don't form cohesive conversations in any way.

I hope he was trying to outdo Keaton quoting TLC lyrics in The Other Guys, which he was also in.
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jeffk
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1:16p, 6/21/17
AG
The 3rd was on TV last night and I was tasked with explaining most of the second half of the thing to my mom who's never seen any of them. (She did finance my extensive Go-Bot collection at one time though.)

Who's that? Shia LeBouf
What's he do? Not really sure. He may be jobless and mooching off his man-looking model of a GF in this one.
Why's that doctor from ER in this? It's Greys Anatomy and I think he's an accountant or something for the bad robots.
Why do bad robots need an accountant? ... hmmm...
Where did the soldiers and the missiles come from? The US navy I think.
I thought this was supposed to be Chicago.
Who's that old torn up robot? Megaton.
Why is he there? No clue.
That man-looking model chick just talked him into helping Optimus Prime? You remember Optimus Prime?
Where did they all get swords and battle axes? Beats me.
Who is this red robot and why does he want to bring a planet through that portal? Great question.
Ten minutes of explosions and robot Jason Bourne action later. What happened? The good guys won.
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TCTTS
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In reply to Max Power • 1:45p, 6/21/17
AG
Max Power said:

Quote:
There's even a point at which Wahlberg's character gives a motivational speech to a group of soldiers and I sh*t you not he somehow quotes the lyrics from like three different hip hop songs from the '90s unironically. As in, I don't think any writer or filmmaker on set knew they were quoting famous '90s hip hop lyrics and I'm pretty sure one of the lines was from one of Wahlberg's own songs, but there's ZERO wink-factor. This movie is full of sh*t like that. Just a bunch of crazy weird lines and exchanges that make no sense whatsoever. Some you've heard a thousand times before, but shoehorned where they don't belong, and others - so many others - where it feels like you're truly going mad because it's just random words and sentences being spoken that don't form cohesive conversations in any way.

I hope he was trying to outdo Keaton quoting TLC lyrics in The Other Guys, which he was also in.
Ha, that's a great reference. Totally forgot about that scene. But yeah, it's basically: "We can do this! Just remember... it takes two to make a thing go right! But only if we pump up the jam!" Not that stupid/obvious - it's actually way more subtle - but it made me audibly laugh in the theater it was so dumb. I had it memorized for about two minutes after the fact, but I dare anyone to try and keep a coherent thought for more than five minutes during this thing. It's the next morning and I think I legitimately have a mild case of PTSD.
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TCTTS
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In reply to jr15aggie • 1:49p, 6/21/17
AG

Quote:
#4 most definitely took this to the next level and it sounds like #5 just stopped trying. I still would like to see it (and after this week at work my mind going numb is possibly a good thing), but it would be nice if they could dial it back a little and get back to what made the 1st one enjoyable.

It's so, so, so obvious that Paramount didn't have a single note this go around. This one is what Michael Bay looks like completely unfiltered and unhinged. I'm sure Paramount knows these movies will make money no matter what they put on the screen at this point and it shows.
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Max Power
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1:56p, 6/21/17
AG
Anyone trying to figure out whether to spend your money and time on this movie should probably read this, sounds like a Michael Bay fever dream.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transformers:_The_Last_Knight
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WestAustinAg
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3:11p, 6/21/17
AG
Is there ever going to be a Transformers/Aliens mashup? That would be fun!
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jeffk
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In reply to WestAustinAg • 3:17p, 6/21/17
AG
Transforming the Furious

Can't wait to see Optimus and Bumblebee sit down for a meal and Corona with Vin and the gang.
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TCTTS
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4:44p, 6/21/17
AG
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jr15aggie
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In reply to TCTTS • 6:03p, 6/21/17
AG
TCTTS said:
No idea about trends... but I too was taken by surprise it opened Tuesday. If it did those kind of numbers on a Tuesday when a lot of people didn't even know it was out yet, it probably breaks $50 mil opening weekend in the states right??? So it's not hard to imagine it makes at least $200 Mil worldwide when it's all said and done?

I honestly don't know, I'm just speculating. But if it can pull those kinds of numbers I think they'll take it and get the next one ready.
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PatriotAg02
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6:15p, 6/21/17
AG
The theater I saw it in last night was about 3/4 full. Everyone that went seemed to enjoy it and afterwards I could hear people speculating about the next one. I like that these movies literally don't make you feel like you have to have seen the ones before. Each one kind of stands on it's own. Much like the original cartoon (except for the 2 and 3 parters). Honestly they really favor the original cartoon as far as jumping around and being a bit disjointed. Seems pretty true to form.

The one really cringy part of the movie last night was when they did the whole prisoner negotiation scene. The robots they revealed were.....uh......BAD. I was hoping for some old throwbacks. Although the concept of the humans negotiating with Megatron for releasing his Decepticons was kind of funny.
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TCTTS
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In reply to jr15aggie • 6:27p, 6/21/17
AG
Yeah, I think it'll be fine. As for future movies, the '80s-set Bumblebee spinoff starring Hailee Steinfeld is already in pre-production and comes out next summer. So this train ain't stopping anytime soon.
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BarryProfit
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8:59p, 6/21/17
"Zero stars. Worst movie of the year."

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/peter-travers-transformers-5-is-2017s-most-toxic-movie-w488595
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GiveEmHellBill
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10:19p, 6/21/17
AG


The movies have had pretty much diminishing returns domestically, but foreign totals (basically China) insure that these movies keep getting made.
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TCTTS
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In reply to GiveEmHellBill • 10:32p, 6/21/17
AG
Wow, that's super interesting. Thanks for posting.
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Bruce Almighty
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In reply to GiveEmHellBill • 10:44p, 6/21/17
AG
GiveEmHellBill said:


The movies have had pretty much diminishing returns domestically, but foreign totals (basically China) insure that these movies keep getting made.


Proof we'll never lose a war with China.
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jokershady
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10:50p, 6/21/17
AG
I'm a big fan of this guy. About a week ago he posted a "not review" of Transformers 5 because he was so sure he could determine how the movie was going to go based on the last 4 + Michael Bay.

How accurate was he?

(And yes, he expected it to be ****)

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AggieLitigator
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11:06p, 6/21/17
This was one of the worst ****ing movies I've ever seen. I wanted to leave about 8 different times but like a train wreck I couldn't look away to see how it ended. No one laughed. Except Michael Bay who continues to rob consumers in broad daylight.
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Chipotlemonger
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In reply to AggieLitigator • 11:07p, 6/21/17
AG
No offense but what were you expecting?
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AggieLitigator
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In reply to Chipotlemonger • 11:15p, 6/21/17
Chipotlemonger said:
No offense but what were you expecting?


I grew up on Transformers.
Loved the first movie. I enjoyed Dark Side of the Moon as well.

I can't even begin to describe how awful and boring this one turned out. I spent most of the movie wondering if I've seen a worse movie in the theater before.
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TCTTS
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In reply to AggieLitigator • 11:26p, 6/21/17
AG
You had me beat. I only legitimately considered walking out probably five times.
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Bruce Almighty
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11:46p, 6/21/17
AG
How does this compare to Battlefield Earth?
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Sex Panther
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12:04a, 6/22/17
AG
I don't know what's worse China...

The fact that you continue to do nothing about North Korea, or that you single handedly keep allowing these movies to be made. Thanks a lot you commie a-holes.

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snowdog90
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12:38a, 6/22/17
I am so happy to have no desire/reason to see this.
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TCTTS
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In reply to jokershady • 1:16a, 6/22/17
AG
I'd say he's pretty spot on. He's a bit off on Hopkin's character, and gets a couple other small points wrong, but yeah, for the most part he hits the nail on the head.
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FightinTexasAg15
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9:32a, 6/22/17
AG
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/transformers-last-knight-who-likes-movies-1015664

Quote:
What people who like transformers also said:
  • Their favorite movie is suicide squad
  • Favorite tv show is Supernatural
  • Favorite musicians are 50 cent and linkin park
  • Man of Steel is the best movie of all time
  • Owen Wilson is the greatest actor
  • Sheldon Cooper is the funniest tv character
  • Adam Sandler is the funniest comedian
  • Favorite teen movie: twilight
  • Favorite drink: diet coke
  • States that love transformers: New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma
  • States that hate transformers: California, Washington, Alaska
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Madmarttigan
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9:44a, 6/22/17
AG
ah come on don't throw supernatural into this, it at least has its moments
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CrottyKid
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10:09a, 6/22/17
AG
Could the weird dialogue flow, 90's pop song references, and long scenes with prolongued robot CGI all be the result of basically marketing this to Asia first? Perhaps everyone realized that they should make a movie that appeals to China and then hope people in the U.S. will add a little gravy.

It kind of sounds like reverse Japanamation. The issues discussed are issues that plague imported movies from Asia to the U.S., but in this instance the film is made in the U.S. and shot in English, so it is screwing with our brains. Does that make sense?
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Urban Ag
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10:17a, 6/22/17
AG
I saw the first one in the theater and thought it was pretty fun. Saw bits and pieces of the second and third on tv and haven't seen any of the fourth.

I took my 8 and 11 year old boys last night who were really amped for this. If the target audience is young to teenage boys, well, bravo because they absolutely loved it.

For the first hour or so I just sat there with a big WTF look on my face. Chicago fenced off? A completely abandoned town in South Dakota (that actually had large buildings and a huge ancient cathedral). Seriously? But you know, the kids were digging it, so I just kind of went with the flow. I didn't hate it and I wasn't terribly bored is about the best I can say.

There is literally so much in this movie that you can pick apart, gawk over, roll your eyes, just sigh in complete disbelief, that it literally would be too exhausting to even attempt. It's like watching a passenger train, completely engulfed in flames, carrying nuclear ordinance, hurtling down the tracks, going over the cliff, and still knowing the good guys on the train are going to make it.

But the kids loved it.
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israeliag
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In reply to CrottyKid • 10:45a, 6/22/17
AG
CrottyKid said:
Could the weird dialogue flow, 90's pop song references, and long scenes with prolongued robot CGI all be the result of basically marketing this to Asia first? Perhaps everyone realized that they should make a movie that appeals to China and then hope people in the U.S. will add a little gravy.

It kind of sounds like reverse Japanamation. The issues discussed are issues that plague imported movies from Asia to the U.S., but in this instance the film is made in the U.S. and shot in English, so it is screwing with our brains. Does that make sense?
Or they wrote the script, Google-translated it to Chinese, and then Google-translated it back to English.

I haven't seen the movie but that sounds highly plausible from what I've heard.
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Mr. Nobody
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11:02a, 6/22/17
I went in knowing what to expect and was ok with that.

It's like it makes fun of you for liking it, critics, movie cliches, and again you for watching it while also giving you mindless action to keep your attention.

Is "so bad it's good" allowed on a movie with a budget like this? because that's what it tried to do.

I'm a fan of message board, pop-culture humor, so the humor in the movie appealed to me.



It was not awful, and if you liked the others, you'll probably like this one too.
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