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men in those age groups want 20 year olds

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Not really. Maybe for a poke, but not for a relationship.

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men in those age groups want 20 year olds

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Not really. Maybe for a poke, but not for a relationship.

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It's anecdotal, but almost all the single (divorced or widowed) men I know between 35-45 are dating women about 10 years younger. I know at least some of them want to start a second family, so they tend to gravitate towards younger women with the intent of getting married and having more kids with baby-mama #2. Many of them also want to find someone who can fit into their post-divorce life (ie, not a woman who has been single for a while, has an established career, owns her own home, and has kids that she doesn't want to move around).

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If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?

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Sometimes, as life goes with kids, establishing a career, and everything else, you grow apart. In the back of your mind you may recognize it, but for whatever reason, it's not addressed -- too many other 'priorities of life' to tend to.

In the meantime, you slowly grow more apart.

Then one day it hits.

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I see....but looking back (not you, anyone that replied), these things would be fixable if proactively dealt with? In case you couldn't tell, Im curious because I am married with kids and havn't run into any of these issues and its of great interest to me because I wish for it to remain that way.
Actually I did run into the career issue early on as I was trying to chase the top positions at work....it began to interfere, but thats been resolved.

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men in those age groups want 20 year olds

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Not really. Maybe for a poke, but not for a relationship.

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It's anecdotal, but almost all the single (divorced or widowed) men I know between 35-45 are dating women about 10 years younger. I know at least some of them want to start a second family, so they tend to gravitate towards younger women with the intent of getting married and having more kids with baby-mama #2. Many of them also want to find someone who can fit into their post-divorce life (ie, not a woman who has been single for a while, has an established career, owns her own home, and has kids that she doesn't want to move around).

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Today he traded his big 98 Oldsmobile

He got a heck of a deal

On a new Porsche car

He ain't wearing his usual grey business suit

He's got jeans and high boots

With an embroidered star

An today he's forty years old going on twenty

Don't look for the grey in his hair

'Cause he ain't got any

He's got a young thing beside him

That just melts in his hand

He's middle aged crazy

Trying to prove he still can

He's gotta a woman he's loved for a long long time at home

Ah but the thrill is all gone

When they cut down the lights

They've got a business that they spent a while comming by

Been a long uphill climb

But now the profits are high

But today he's forty years old going on twenty

And he hears of sordid affairs and he aint had any

And the young thing beside him

You know she understands

That he's middle aged crazy

Trying to prove he still can

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If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?

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Wife gets fat

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Or goes lesbo

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Go on....

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If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?

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Wife gets fat

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Or goes lesbo

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Go on....

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Mine got fat....my neighbor's went lesbo and left him with a 17 year old daughter to raise.

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men in those age groups want 20 year olds

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Not really. Maybe for a poke, but not for a relationship.

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Speak for yourself, old balls. I'll be looking for my 4th or 5th marriage by then, and I'll be looking for a 20 year old stripper with daddy issues

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men in those age groups want 20 year olds

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Not really. Maybe for a poke, but not for a relationship.

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Speak for yourself, old balls. I'll be looking for my 4th or 5th marriage by then, and I'll be looking for a 20 year old stripper with daddy issues

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Will that one make four or five 20 year old strippers with daddy issues?

I'm not old enough to be a father figure, for her to put her tiny hand in mine

There is a lot of truth to that. Although, I do hear a lot of stories about the wife cheating or spending all their money or getting lazy and/or refusing to have sex. And the husband either gets kicked out or basically has to leave to save himself.

Heck, if I was a man I'd probably be the same way and go after the newest, most updated model with all the bells and whistles. Pick one young enough, and he'll be too old to care by the time she gets fat and/or stops wanting to have sex.

As a woman, I can't afford to have another kid at home, so it doesn't go both ways...LOL!

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Many of them also want to find someone who can fit into their post-divorce life (ie, not a woman who has been single for a while, has an established career, owns her own home, and has kids that she doesn't want to move around).

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I would think this is the biggest factor why the older guys are after the younger girls (other than the hotter to poke factor)

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If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?

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Sometimes, as life goes with kids, establishing a career, and everything else, you grow apart. In the back of your mind you may recognize it, but for whatever reason, it's not addressed -- too many other 'priorities of life' to tend to.

In the meantime, you slowly grow more apart.

Then one day it hits.

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I see....but looking back (not you, anyone that replied), these things would be fixable if proactively dealt with? In case you couldn't tell, Im curious because I am married with kids and havn't run into any of these issues and its of great interest to me because I wish for it to remain that way.
Actually I did run into the career issue early on as I was trying to chase the top positions at work....it began to interfere, but thats been resolved.

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You're right. SOMETIMES they are fixable if you both are proactive.

But, it is so easy to get caught up in life that the relationship gets put on hold. Babies up all night, then they get in activities which can become full-time commitments. One or both is getting a career, a business, a degree started which takes untold hours. As you know, life goes by quicker when you are out of school. So, before you realize it, years go by with kids, jobs, school -- everything -- and the relationship was not given the same priority as those other things.

Adding to all this is the fact that neither is really the same person they were when they first married. It may be physical changes / appearances. It may be life's experiences which caused the other to have changes in personality. Stresses and commitments might make someone go from the easy going college kid to a much more serious personality.

If the relationship is not the priority in early years, if it's not cared for at the expense of all those other things, it can die. Again, you probably know it but it's always, "We'll worry about that later."

Then later comes and you are faced with someone you may not know anymore.

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I see. Thanks for the response. I can certainly understand the 'we'll deal with that later" thing....

I would suggest you wait until marriage if you like your soul!

Just kidding. As soon as the papers are signed I'd say stick your **** in anything still moving that will let you.

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You people have destroyed a ton of marriages.

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Yeah, but they did it the way God intended, by not touching wieners together.

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This is really why the straights don't want the gays marrying. As soon as we marry we have the potential of destroying the sanctity of straight divorces.

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Another pro-tip, nervy is into recently divorced guys

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I'll be monitoring that situation closely...

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Three years for me and I'm guessing it may be about time. First year or two I've been crying in my whiskey, last year I've been thinking about getting back in the game.

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what kind of whiskey?

My divorce drug out for a while, but my marriage was over almost the month after we were married. Never should have done it, but I digress. I was dating shortly after the divorce was final, although like I said - it drug out and it had been over for years. For various dumb reasons, I stuck with it. Married three years including the time it took to make the divorce final. Together 5 years total.

Had criteria for what I wanted post divorce and my "type" : non-military, taller, no kids, closer to my age and doesn't want more kids.

Dude I met is military, just a hair taller than me, with three kids, wants more and is seven years older than me. I have a new type. It's been awesome thus far and I'm very happy. It gets better. It doesn't seem like it when it all first starts going down, but it gets better.

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Another pro-tip, nervy is into recently divorced guys

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i thought this was known like 3-4 years ago

Just giving a refresher to the new posters and newly divorced

I'm not at all shocked that it's taken you this long.

I actually met my current husband after the first one left but before the divorce was final. We started dating pretty much as soon as it was final.

Speaking from experience, immediately post-divorce is when the crazies come at you full force. They try to catch you when you are shaken and vulnerable and sink their claws into you...my advice is date cautiously....very cautiously. I've learned that jumping into something "too soon" is dangerous and will bring the wrath of TexAgs if you are stupid enough to post about it. (All due respect and no offense meant B1)

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Speaking from experience, immediately post-divorce is when the crazies come at you full force. They try to catch you when you are shaken and vulnerable and sink their claws into you...my advice is date cautiously....very cautiously. I've learned that jumping into something "too soon" is dangerous and will bring the wrath of TexAgs if you are stupid enough to post about it. (All due respect and no offense meant B1)

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I was VERY cautious - almost too much so. I done good!

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Speaking from experience, immediately post-divorce is when the crazies come at you full force. They try to catch you when you are shaken and vulnerable and sink their claws into you...my advice is date cautiously....very cautiously. I've learned that jumping into something "too soon" is dangerous and will bring the wrath of TexAgs if you are stupid enough to post about it. (All due respect and no offense meant B1)

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I was VERY cautious - almost too much so. I done good!

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Obligatory...she got a sister??? Bonus points if she also owns a liquor store..

are you a long time GBer with a new name?

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Speaking from experience, immediately post-divorce is when the crazies come at you full force. They try to catch you when you are shaken and vulnerable and sink their claws into you...my advice is date cautiously....very cautiously. I've learned that jumping into something "too soon" is dangerous and will bring the wrath of TexAgs if you are stupid enough to post about it. (All due respect and no offense meant B1)

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I was VERY cautious - almost too much so. I done good!

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Obligatory...she got a sister??? Bonus points if she also owns a liquor store..

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As a matter of fact, yes - 2! I would not wish the single one on my worst enemy. The married one is gorgeous, but high maintenance.

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If you are in DFW or if not take a weekend road trip, and hit up the bars/restaurants in the Shops of Legacy. It is a divorcees paradise with fertile cougar hunting grounds.

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This is true.

joniG is correct. There also comes a point where one spouse begins to feel that they are being taken advantage of. Where they put in an incredible amount of energy, thought and care in pleasing the other spouse and the children only to slowly recognize that the relationship is not reciprocal. The communication breaks down as the intimacy evaporates leaving only duty to spouse and family with little positive reinforcement to continue the effort it takes to maintain a dysfunctional unhappy situation. Why does it go toxic after 15 or 20 or 25 years? Because one spouse is happy with the evolution of the marriage while the other spouse is longing for more out of life and more out of the marriage. The happy spouse is unwilling to change because, in their view, nothing needs to change. The disillusioned spouse either continues in the mess they are in or leaves in hope of finding a better, happier, more satisfying life.

I truly wish you the best. I wish all those beat up in divorce the best. It is a horrendous experience that can leave scars that never fully heal. With all the $$$ I spent on marriage counselors and post divorce counseling there are a few tips that seem hold true. Don't get into a serious relationship until the grief from the divorce has passed ( you don't want to take bad baggage with you). Have some fun, work hard, get a new interest to deflect your attention away from your loss.

Take heart in the fact that there are not many good men available today so you are in an enviable position.