What do you consider cheating on your SO?

7,069 Views | 86 Replies | Last: 7 yr ago by BusterAg
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SoulSlaveAG2005
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AG
All of the above....

However, acknowledging beauty is different than lustful thought in regards to the beauty... Wide and I often comment on our perceptions of beauty and when/where we see it...
Duncan Idaho
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I have the same views as my girlfriend in younglife had when I was 16....vaginial intercourse without a condom for more than 5 pumps is the only thing that counts as sex.
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Pro Sandy
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AG
With eyeing other women, my wife does that more than I do. We go some place and she will comment on some lady and I will have completely missed it.

With cheating, I think physical is a good red line to draw. Before physical there are things that could be gray area, depending on how emotionally involved one is.

With porn, it might not be cheating, but it is finding your sexual satisfaction outside of marriage. Certainly wrong, but I wouldn't classify it as cheating/adultery.
94chem
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Acting on emotions with a real person who knows me.
amercer
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AG
The physical stuff for sure. But if unbeknownst to your wife you take some other girl out to dinner, you better have a damn good excuse--even if you never get closer than across the table.
Dad-O-Lot
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AG
If you wouldn't do it with your spouse watching, it's cheating.
agie95
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AG
Adultery starts long before the action does. The world we live in is focused way too much on the physical. Why look at anyone thinking they are pretty or they have nice legs etc, specially if you are already married? You are opening yourself up to potential sin.
Woody2006
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AG
quote:
If you wouldn't do it with your spouse watching, it's cheating.
I think this is the best response so far.

What constitutes "cheating" is different for different couples. If you would do it in front of your spouse without worry, then it's not cheating.

However, I think it's stupid to put yourself in that situation. I rarely make new female friends that aren't a part of a couple my wife and I are becoming friends with. Putting myself in situations where I am alone with another woman might tempt me to make a bad decision. I prefer to prevent that situation in the first place.
agie95
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AG
So, the definition for cheating is based on one's view. That would be chaos, which is actually what we have so I guess it fits with today's culture.
Woody2006
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AG
quote:
So, the definition for cheating is based on one's view. That would be chaos, which is actually what we have so I guess it fits with today's culture.
As opposed to the detailed explanation of what constitutes cheating that can be gleaned from the Bible?

Is it cheating to kiss someone other than your spouse?

What if it's just a kiss on the cheek?

What if it's in another country where that is the cultural norm?

If I give another woman a kiss and I would be willing to do so in front of my wife, I am not cheating. I'm probably just giving my mom or grandma a kiss on the cheek. If I'm kissing someone in a way I wouldn't do in front of my wife, I'm probably cheating.

Make sense?
UTExan
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Adultery is the fleshly counterpart of idolatry. If you are thinking of being with another, it is adultery. Confess and repent.
agie95
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AG
A mom or grandma is not the same as kissing another woman.

Kissing another woman was not when the sin occurred. We are not speaking of different cultures here. This is the first time it is brought up. You cannot change the facts presented and say that is what you were speaking about.
BusterAg
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AG
Your spouse should be your one and only outlet for sexual intemacy. This question is loaded in that it tries to create a bright line where deviation from this becomes cheating.

I think that this is a faulty approach. We should be seeking deep, emotionally intemate relationships with our spouses, and sex is a tool to help this. Any behavior that inhibits this goal is unhealthy. It should not be a goal not to cross a line in the wrong direction. The goal should be to move towards a closer relationship.

Developing emotional intemacy with other members of the opposite sex, comparing our spouse to others, porn, neglecting emotional needs of you spouse, etc. Are all part of the same problem. Moving the wrong direction. Try to move in the right direction.

Finally, trust is key here. I agree it would be bad practice to do anything you would not do in front of your spouse. I just think that, if you want a great marriage, that is only a good first start.
Woody2006
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AG
quote:
A mom or grandma is not the same as kissing another woman.

Kissing another woman was not when the sin occurred. We are not speaking of different cultures here. This is the first time it is brought up. You cannot change the facts presented and say that is what you were speaking about.

I left what I was speaking about purposefully open ended...

A kiss was just an example of something that could be cheating or something clearly not cheating depending upon the situation.

However, feel free to explain the exact rules of what constitutes "cheating" or "not cheating" according to the Bible. Don't allow for exceptions to be made with whatever instructions you give.
Woody2006
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AG
quote:
Your spouse should be your one and only outlet for sexual intemacy. This question is loaded in that it tries to create a bright line where deviation from this becomes cheating.

I think that this is a faulty approach. We should be seeking deep, emotionally intemate relationships with our spouses, and sex is a tool to help this. Any behavior that inhibits this goal is unhealthy. It should not be a goal not to cross a line in the wrong direction. The goal should be to move towards a closer relationship.

Developing emotional intemacy with other members of the opposite sex, comparing our spouse to others, porn, neglecting emotional needs of you spouse, etc. Are all part of the same problem. Moving the wrong direction. Try to move in the right direction.

Finally, trust is key here. I agree it would be bad practice to do anything you would not do in front of your spouse. I just think that, if you want a great marriage, that is only a good first start.
Sure, but the question was "what constitutes cheating?"
Ulrich
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Nm
agie95
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AG
Leaving things open ended is how we got to where we are today. Did God really say? People questioned what God said. It started in the Garden and look at it today. The moment you start thinking of another woman in any sexual manner or I would like to be with her type thoughts, is cheating on your wife. You can come up with all the excuses or cultures etc you want, cheating begins long before the action.
Frok
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AG
We don't like that definition because it means we are guilty.

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Woody2006
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AG
quote:
Leaving things open ended is how we got to where we are today. Did God really say? People questioned what God said. It started in the Garden and look at it today. The moment you start thinking of another woman in any sexual manner or I would like to be with her type thoughts, is cheating on your wife. You can come up with all the excuses or cultures etc you want, cheating begins long before the action.
Are you saying being tempted to cheat means you are already cheating?
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agie95
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AG
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i dont like that definition because it means that a simple thought can doom you to a life of eternal damnation.
who said a sin leads to a life of eternal damnation? Mercy/Grace. Assuming one seeks it.
agie95
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AG
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Are you saying being tempted to cheat means you are already cheating?
Generally, from a Biblical point of view, yes. When you say tempted, does this mean you have general thoughts of cheating or is it I want to cheat with so and so. The former probably is not, but the latter would be cheating. You have already thought of someone in a manner that should not be in your mind. Pornography is a form of cheating...oops.
Woody2006
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AG
quote:
quote:
Are you saying being tempted to cheat means you are already cheating?
Generally, from a Biblical point of view, yes. When you say tempted, does this mean you have general thoughts of cheating or is it I want to cheat with so and so. The former probably is not, but the latter would be cheating. You have already thought of someone in a manner that should not be in your mind. Pornography is a form of cheating...oops.
Where does it go from ok to sin? Jesus was tempted and remained sinless.

I need to know where that bright dividing line is between cheating and not cheating.
Stive
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AG
That was my thought as well. If you're going to get into the semantics of "tempted is cheating", then Christ in the wilderness had some issues .
Texaggie7nine
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Cheating is wherever you and your SO agree it is. It should be no more objective than that.
7nine
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Pro Sandy
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AG
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What if you watch pornography with your SO?
that isn't healthy for your relationship and is aiding human trafficking
Texaggie7nine
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yeah ok.
7nine
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