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Worst thing you've ever cooked?

3,622 Views | 42 Replies | Last: 6 yr ago by Boiling Denim
rilloaggie
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AG
I had a dud in the kitchen last night. Photographic evidence on the sous vide thread if you are interested. Got me thinking, is there a particular meal or a dish that you have made that was absolutely awful?

One that I will always remember from my childhood was my dad's attempt at grilling dove. He wasn't much of a hunter and other than going out to see family he never really hunted. Opening dove weekend was the only time I can remember him ever hunting. Once I was old enough to show interest I went with him and we brought home our quarry. He had never really cooked dove before(I was in my early teens at the time) but one of his cousins told him that you needed to soak the breasts in molasses to get rid of the "gamey" taste. Well, my dad was never a man to do something half-way so he figured if soaking overnight was good, soaking for a week would be even better. When he finally got around to grilling the dove they were jet black. The only flavor present, at all, was molasses.
Dr. Horrible
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Crab Bake Casserole Recipe:
3 - 6 oz cans crab meat, drained
16 oz cream cheese
8 oz light sour cream
2 T mayo
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt/pepper/garlic salt, to taste
1 T Old Bay seasonings
Preheat oven to 350
Soften cream cheese and beat with sour cream until very smooth. Add mayo, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings. Blend well.
Fold in crab, gently. Bake in 2.5 qt casserole dish for about 20 min. Sprinkle cheese on top; return to oven for 10 min.


No clue if this one was operator error or just a god awful recipe, but it is not often that I will throw food away instead of finding some way to choke it down...
turfman80
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AG
Made some kind of recipe over 20 years ago that called for sun dried tomatoes and pine nuts. It was horrid. I still cannot live that one down.
Yeah, well, sometimes nothing is a real cool hand
AlaskanAg99
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Mine was intentional. Picture it, spring break '97, Panama City. 2 condos that slept 6 ea. 1 ****ter each.

We had decided to save money for booze and eat dinner in. I cooked the first night and somehow became the Kitchen *****. Being inebriated Drunks come 5 pm I'd be getting harrassed to no end. So on the final night I grabbed 2 of the guys and we went grocery shopping. on the way I bought the 3 of us hamburgers and what not. Then we went to the store and I purchased the cheapest, largest cans of chili. Think cheap Hormel and mixed in some sort of other cheap canned meat product.

It was disgusting and those drunks packed it away. Followed by more epic final night of binge drinking.

About 2 in the morning the festering meat product and well drinks and crappy beer hit the boiling point. 9 guys with explosive ****s and 2 bathrooms that were in constant use.

It. Was. Horrible.
biobioprof
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there are probably many I've blocked out, but the most recent really bad fail for me was a chocolate genois cake. I had made it successfully a couple of weeks earlier but I overmixed the melted butter with the egg-sugar foam. This led to a phase separation that in the end gave me a thin layer of tasty chocolate on.an eggy chocolate tennis shoe sole.
bam02
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I'm sure I've made things that were actually worse than this, but the one that stands out for me was a prime brisket I smoked on my kamado. No idea how it happened but it cooked in about 25% of the expected time. Had a probe in the meat and a probe at grill level. Temp was good and steady.

It was tough, chewy garbage. I don't think I would have fed it to a dog if I had one.
Bruce Almighty
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The last thing I can remember was some avocado ice cream. I've had avocado cheesecake that was really good, so I decided to try some ice cream and couldn't even gag it down.
Tanya 93
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gluten free, egg free, dairy free brownies.
Ducks4brkfast
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AG
Hooded merganser duck breast fajitas
Duncan Idaho
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I tried making a savory salmon aspic.

It was horrible as you would think. The cat wouldn't eat it.
MichaelJ
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Dr. Horrible said:

Crab Bake Casserole Recipe:
3 - 6 oz cans crab meat, drained
16 oz cream cheese
8 oz light sour cream
2 T mayo
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt/pepper/garlic salt, to taste
1 T Old Bay seasonings
Preheat oven to 350
Soften cream cheese and beat with sour cream until very smooth. Add mayo, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings. Blend well.
Fold in crab, gently. Bake in 2.5 qt casserole dish for about 20 min. Sprinkle cheese on top; return to oven for 10 min.


No clue if this one was operator error or just a god awful recipe, but it is not often that I will throw food away instead of finding some way to choke it down...


What was so bad about this, other than maybe the canned crab?

I'm assuming it was meant to be eaten as a dip
Tanya 93
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MichaelJ said:

Dr. Horrible said:

Crab Bake Casserole Recipe:
3 - 6 oz cans crab meat, drained
16 oz cream cheese
8 oz light sour cream
2 T mayo
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt/pepper/garlic salt, to taste
1 T Old Bay seasonings
Preheat oven to 350
Soften cream cheese and beat with sour cream until very smooth. Add mayo, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings. Blend well.
Fold in crab, gently. Bake in 2.5 qt casserole dish for about 20 min. Sprinkle cheese on top; return to oven for 10 min.


No clue if this one was operator error or just a god awful recipe, but it is not often that I will throw food away instead of finding some way to choke it down...


What was so bad about this, other than maybe the canned crab?

I'm assuming it was meant to be eaten as a dip



Mayo
03_Aggie
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bam02 said:

I'm sure I've made things that were actually worse than this, but the one that stands out for me was a prime brisket I smoked on my kamado. No idea how it happened but it cooked in about 25% of the expected time. Had a probe in the meat and a probe at grill level. Temp was good and steady.

It was tough, chewy garbage. I don't think I would have fed it to a dog if I had one.


Isn't tough and chewy an indicator that it was undercooked?
AustinAgChef
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I'm 100% certain that your issue was with your temperature probe.

Tough and chewy means it was undercooked and I'm willing to bet it was also dry. Many people think this means it was overcooked when in fact it's the complete opposite.

That brisket didn't get to a high enough internal temperature for the collagen to break down, which makes the brisket moist and tender.
rooftop18403
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When I was 15 I discovered I liked onions. I knew something about sauting but I wanted more than a few cut up slices and still wasn't sure the dynamics of cooking/ eating onions... I took a whole onion and poached it in about 3 sticks of butter until soft. Pulled entire butter covered onion out and ate like an apple. Terrible. Went another 2 years before I ate another onion.
MichaelJ
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AG
Tanya 93 said:

MichaelJ said:

Dr. Horrible said:

Crab Bake Casserole Recipe:
3 - 6 oz cans crab meat, drained
16 oz cream cheese
8 oz light sour cream
2 T mayo
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt/pepper/garlic salt, to taste
1 T Old Bay seasonings
Preheat oven to 350
Soften cream cheese and beat with sour cream until very smooth. Add mayo, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings. Blend well.
Fold in crab, gently. Bake in 2.5 qt casserole dish for about 20 min. Sprinkle cheese on top; return to oven for 10 min.


No clue if this one was operator error or just a god awful recipe, but it is not often that I will throw food away instead of finding some way to choke it down...


What was so bad about this, other than maybe the canned crab?

I'm assuming it was meant to be eaten as a dip



Mayo



Incorrect.

Food lube makes the world go round
Tanya 93
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MichaelJ said:

Tanya 93 said:

MichaelJ said:

Dr. Horrible said:

Crab Bake Casserole Recipe:
3 - 6 oz cans crab meat, drained
16 oz cream cheese
8 oz light sour cream
2 T mayo
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt/pepper/garlic salt, to taste
1 T Old Bay seasonings
Preheat oven to 350
Soften cream cheese and beat with sour cream until very smooth. Add mayo, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings. Blend well.
Fold in crab, gently. Bake in 2.5 qt casserole dish for about 20 min. Sprinkle cheese on top; return to oven for 10 min.


No clue if this one was operator error or just a god awful recipe, but it is not often that I will throw food away instead of finding some way to choke it down...


What was so bad about this, other than maybe the canned crab?

I'm assuming it was meant to be eaten as a dip



Mayo



Incorrect.

Food lube makes the world go round



Just the phrase Food Lube makes me gag.
gillom
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AG
Yeah... I mounted the one I shot. Don't I tend on ever eating one.
tsuag10
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bam02 said:

I'm sure I've made things that were actually worse than this, but the one that stands out for me was a prime brisket I smoked on my kamado. No idea how it happened but it cooked in about 25% of the expected time. Had a probe in the meat and a probe at grill level. Temp was good and steady.

It was tough, chewy garbage. I don't think I would have fed it to a dog if I had one.
What was the grill temp during cooking?
Dr. Horrible
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MichaelJ said:

Dr. Horrible said:

Crab Bake Casserole Recipe:
3 - 6 oz cans crab meat, drained
16 oz cream cheese
8 oz light sour cream
2 T mayo
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt/pepper/garlic salt, to taste
1 T Old Bay seasonings
Preheat oven to 350
Soften cream cheese and beat with sour cream until very smooth. Add mayo, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings. Blend well.
Fold in crab, gently. Bake in 2.5 qt casserole dish for about 20 min. Sprinkle cheese on top; return to oven for 10 min.


No clue if this one was operator error or just a god awful recipe, but it is not often that I will throw food away instead of finding some way to choke it down...


What was so bad about this, other than maybe the canned crab?

I'm assuming it was meant to be eaten as a dip
Not supposed to be a dip...

I think it was just the combination of everything, but try it and report back! Maybe I just screwed something up...
MookieBlaylock
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AG
Corned beacon the grill with beans underneath

Horrifying g
rhoswen
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When I was about 13 my mom was supervising me making chicken fried steak for the first time. We kept our flour & powdered sugar in matching Tupperware containers. I remember asking my mom why the breading wasn't sticking to the meat like it should and she had no idea. We served it up anyway and I can still hear my dad shouting through tears of laughter "I'm diabetic, Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill me?" Never did live it down.
SACR
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AG

Your dad sounds pretty awesome
metrag06
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Back in the 90s when raising Emus was the 'next big thing' my dad's coworker and her husband purchased some and she gave my dad one of the eggs (big giant green thing).

After some debate, we decided to try and make an omelette.

Bad idea...
big ben
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AG
Was dating a chick in college who was a terrible cook, one time she insist she make (attempt too) make dinner that night and asked what I wanted. Said chicken fried steak, fast forward and she's heating oil, getting flour ready, then flattening GROUND BEEF into patties.

I've never eaten more ketchup in my entire life.

bam02
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AG
tsuag10 said:

bam02 said:

I'm sure I've made things that were actually worse than this, but the one that stands out for me was a prime brisket I smoked on my kamado. No idea how it happened but it cooked in about 25% of the expected time. Had a probe in the meat and a probe at grill level. Temp was good and steady.

It was tough, chewy garbage. I don't think I would have fed it to a dog if I had one.
What was the grill temp during cooking?
Been a while but I am pretty sure it was a steady 225*.

Probe is an iGrill. Never calibrated it, if that's even possible.
tsuag10
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AG
bam02 said:

tsuag10 said:

bam02 said:

I'm sure I've made things that were actually worse than this, but the one that stands out for me was a prime brisket I smoked on my kamado. No idea how it happened but it cooked in about 25% of the expected time. Had a probe in the meat and a probe at grill level. Temp was good and steady.

It was tough, chewy garbage. I don't think I would have fed it to a dog if I had one.
What was the grill temp during cooking?
Been a while but I am pretty sure it was a steady 225*.

Probe is an iGrill. Never calibrated it, if that's even possible.
Interesting. I could definitely see it being tough and chewy if the grill temp was 400-450. It would cause the muscle fibers to contract and shrink up causing it to be real chewy. That would also explain it cooking really fast. If that's not what happened, then it sounds like it might have been way undercooked. Not sure...
HTownAg98
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I cooked what I thought was going to be a pot of greens of some greens that were in my CSA box. Turns out they were an herb very similar to cilantro. They tasted like dish soap. They were terrible.
SACR
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AG
HTownAg98 said:

I cooked what I thought was going to be a pot of greens of some greens that were in my CSA box. Turns out they were an herb very similar to cilantro. They tasted like dish soap. They were terrible.

Does cilantro taste like dish soap to you? Wondering if you have that gene?
Tree Hugger
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In our first apartment after moving off campus, I attempted a "fancy" meal.

The idea was a burgundy-mushroom-cream sauce served over linguine alongside a salmon filet.

I threw a bunch of whole button mushrooms into a sauce pan and added the wine and let that go a while before adding the heavy cream. It wasn't really becoming "saucy" like I intended, so I attacked it with the immersion blender until smooth.

It was grey.

And it didn't taste good.

But at least the salmon came out viciously dry and overcooked, so we had that going for us.
95_Aggie
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AG
From college ... canned nacho cheese sauce with pickled jalepeno juice stirred in.
Mathguy64
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Tree Hugger said:

The idea was a burgundy-mushroom-cream sauce served over linguine alongside a salmon filet.

I threw a bunch of whole button mushrooms into a sauce pan and added the wine and let that go a while before adding the heavy cream. It wasn't really becoming "saucy" like I intended, so I attacked it with the immersion blender until smooth.

That sounds barftastic. I officially nominate you for the "worst meal/accompaniment ever made" award. Coveted blue star.
Milwaukees Best Light
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Moved out to the country my last year of undergrad. There were a couple old junk smokers out there that we frankensteined into one hald decent rig. We smoked all kinds of stuff on it and it all turned out awful. Turns out we were using unseasoned wood and everything tasted kinda like creosote. It only took me fifteen years too late to figure out what we were doing wrong. Oh well.
HTownAg98
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SACR said:

HTownAg98 said:

I cooked what I thought was going to be a pot of greens of some greens that were in my CSA box. Turns out they were an herb very similar to cilantro. They tasted like dish soap. They were terrible.

Does cilantro taste like dish soap to you? Wondering if you have that gene?

No but these did because it was so much.
biobioprof
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big ben said:

Was dating a chick in college who was a terrible cook, one time she insist she make (attempt too) make dinner that night and asked what I wanted. Said chicken fried steak, fast forward and she's heating oil, getting flour ready, then flattening GROUND BEEF into patties.

I've never eaten more ketchup in my entire life.


A friend of mine married a gal who tried to roast a whole chicken without removing the plastic bag.
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