As a public service for my fellow Aggies and the legion of t-sips and Red Raiders that obsess about the every move that Aggies make, I have prepared this handy guide to becoming an effective Rivalries poster. Those of you looking for hotties, I apologize. Please go to www.google.com and type in the fetish of your choice and spank away. Trying to find a collection of hotties that pleases everyone was getting to be a difficult task, plus I wasn’t going to post any 13 year olds for FXST.

Step 1: Pick a Username- Choose wisely, because you will be stuck with it. Movie/TV characters are always a safe choice. Residents of the Metroplex are required to have “Dallas” as some portion of their username. The State Bar of Texas mandates that attorneys must have “law” and/or “attorney” in their username. If you don’t, then you must remind everyone that you are an attorney at least every third post you make. Never set foot on the 40 Acres? – Don’t worry, you can still use “horn” in your username.

Step 2: Choose an Interweb Persona- Now that you have safely made a solid choice for a username, come up with a personality for your username. Everyone wanting to be a cat-fahking, attention horing, community college attending, longhorn fan, I have some bad news. That personality has already been claimed. Popular choices are:

• Ladies Man – Any time a cheerleader pic is posted, you claim to know her/did her in High School. When a skank pic is posted, call her a “Butterface” and tell everyone that the chick you picked up Saturday night was 10 times hotter.
  
• Obsessed T-Sip – Excellent choice for any Longhorn fan. If your satisfaction in life comes solely from the success and failures of your football team, this is the choice for you. Fortunately for you, the Aggies are in a slump, so you can take out all your aggression that has built up over the years. We realize how much it bothers you that you always end up having to call the guy that attended some farm school in College Station “Boss.”
  
• Flaming Bag of Chit – Not to be confused with the Obsessed T-Sip, this poster takes the opposite position to the prevailing opinion of the board. This requires the least amount of thought, but it does generate quick responses to your posts.
  
• Internet Tough Guy – You will take on anybody because you are 6’ 4” and weigh 245 lbs. You take everything personal and aren’t afraid to call someone out.

Step 3: Learn the Stereotypes- The key to becoming an effective poster is the proper use of stereotypes for each school and cities of residence.

• Texas A&M University: Underachieving, sheep humping, pretend soldiers that worship a collie. Aggies will employ the time machine quicker than a Democrat will hike your taxes.
  
• University of Texas: Anti-American, flag burning students combined with a fan base consisting of lawn crews and Baylor, Texas State, Sam Houston, and Abilene Christian graduates.
  
• Texas Tech University: Tier III school whose students pursue lucrative pizza delivering careers upon graduation. A D-cell battery and a bottle of Old Crow are the must have items to attend any games in the 2-A size venue known as Jones SBC AT&T O’Reilly Auto Parts Dominos Stadium.
  
• University of Oklahoma: Toothless land-thieves that screw their sisters in pursuit of the highly profitable Meth business.
  
• Dallas: Hair gel experts with maxed out credit cards that cling to the past success of the Cowboys and consistent underachievement of the Mavericks.
  
• Houston: Residents of Houston have smog filled lungs and wouldn’t have any championships had Michael Jordon not chosen to pursue a baseball career. The scoreboard the Texans have over the Cowboys is soon to be in question.
  
• San Antonio: Illegal aliens that only have one professional sports team to support.

Step 4: Know the Posters-You can make a name for yourself by calling out the regular posters in this forum.

• Bostonsip: Although he no longer posts here under any variation of the Boston name, we know he still lurks seeking the validation he craves. This self-proclaimed GOP insider threw George W. under the bus prior to the 2004 election. He is also famous for his stellar inside recruiting knowledge.
  
• 13 0 Branding Iron: Undisputed Master of Puppets. Rookies often jump in here immediately with some Branding Iron smack. Attacking Branding Iron is usually the first course of action for t-sip rookies on this board.
  
• Big 12-0: Biggest supporter of the NAO. Once one of the better posters, his gimmick, must like Techs offense, has failed to evolve over the years.
  
• Chinese Democracy: The Donald Trump of Rivalries because he owns the most space in the heads of posters on this site. He is called Chinese Democracy because his stable of socks is larger than the Chinese army.
  
• David_Puddy: The Jimmy the Greek of this board currently owns the penthouse suite in FXST’s (see below) head.
  
• FE: Another popular choice for rookies to attack due to an unfortunate choice of usernames and no Ag Tag.
  
• FormerStudent91: Man-hating divorcee that clutters up this board with her numerous Astros threads. In her defense, she is very attractive.
  
• FXST: America hating, pony-tail wearing scooter riding t-sip. This youth soccer coach is the guy you see that makes you uncomfortable when he stares at your young daughter. He will make fun of everyone’s profession, but has yet to disclose how he makes his living.
  
• Highwayman: Some people, well one person, calls this poster most commonly referred to as Patch a comedic and witty genius. Actually he is an attention starved, not so closeted homo that wasn’t smart enough to attend the school he supports.
  
• houstontexan: This urban rap guru and walking basketball encyclopedia is the collaborative effort of at least three people. He has an unhealthy disdain for “internet friends.”
  
• LonghornDub: Just like any good Baylor graduate would do, BUDub hopped on the Burnt Orange bandwagon. This Methuselah of the Message Boards never misses an opportunity to correct the “children” on this site.
  
• mse1892sip: A brutal divorce and humiliating exposure of his personal ad drove “Missy” into a fit of rage that resulted in a teabagging incident at the hands of , I mean, nuts of Eaglesmith.
  
• National Champs 05-The popular line here is that NC05 is Katy Agnor. He probably isn’t due to NC05’s obscene post count, there in no way Agnor would take herself out of the chow line long enough to make that many posts.
  
• Nonhostilesip: King of irony due to the fact that everything he posts is straight out of the American Psychological Association’s definition of passive-aggressiveness.
  
• RaginKajun: This grad school Ag will hit anything with a pulse and drink anything that is cold & free. His unique style of self-deprivating humor sets him apart as one of the best posters on this site.
  
• RAMF95: Set this guy off and you will be a “doosh chalupa bending over for the gak bath from your Peruvian concrete finisher named Esteban.”
  
• scot: Genius computer nerd with a collection of animated .gif’s larger than surfisle’s (see below) porn library. Top Shelf Poster.
  
• Skihorn: Hosts an annual gathering of interweb losers at his house.
  
• Soonerborn: If his sister wasn’t so hot, he could get his handicap below 20.
  
• surfisle: T-shirt Aggie with a porn collection so large the Library of Congress sought his advice on the efficient cataloging of online information. Knows a thing or two about message boards.
  
• Tacking on an Extra Year/Thacktor: These two frat daddies are individually great posters but I can’t tell them apart. I know for a fact each one wishes they had joined the Corps of Cadets.
  
• Techsan_02: In between bannings, Techsan will post the greatest signature on this site.
  
• TexPete: Keeper of the OWN3D pic. No matter how hard this guy tries to be a t-sip doosh, he can’t pull it off.
  
• txsportsagent: He is also Patch or Patch is also him, I can’t figure out which one is the sock. This lover of midgets will put his pecker in a pineapple if the opportunity presents itself.
  
• WillieMaysHays: Winner of the t-sip dooshbag MNC. He is currently in hiding due to a threat of litigation from Mike Honcho.

Step 5: Begin Posting! Now that you know everything you needed to know about posting on Rivalries, post away. During your 5 post limit don’t start any flame wars, because you will get destroyed. Post a bunch of “LOL” and “word” and “here” posts. Don't ever let facts or reason get in the way of what you post. Bring your A Game and get busy. So Aggies, good luck posting! T-sips, good luck obsessing! Red Raiders, WHERE’S MY DAMN PIZZA!