1 cHornicles 20:20
The Cow Fathers spoke unto Her Man, "See, we have made you like a champion and Samuel shall be your prophet. You shall go to Bowlsby and speak all that we command you. But Bowlsby's heart shall be hardened and he will not listen. Then we shall lay our hands on the people of the world and visit judgement upon them."
So, Her Man and Samuel stood before Bowlsby, and Samuel held up his horns and proclaimed: "Behold the signs and wonders we have performed in rankings and recruiting!" And Her Man spoke to Bowlsby: " The Cow Fathers sent me to you, and you are to instruct your field judges to let my people win so they can be glorified across the nation."
The First Plague
But Bowlsby's heart was hardened, and he sent them away. The Cow Fathers' anger burned against Bowlsby, and they said: "Behold, we shall send great fires upon the earth and burn up an entire continent down under, then Bowlsby shall know that we are the most powerful of the land. And he shall let my people win." So, the fires came.
The Second Plague
Thereafter, they returned to Bowlsby and Samuel proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "You must let my people win, or tomorrow we shall bring locusts into the land of Africa and they shall cover its face and bring ruin to the continent." But again Bowlsby sent them away and the Cow Fathers anger burned against him. So, it was as they said and the locusts came and devoured the crops of Africa.
The Third Plague
And, they returned to Bowlsby and Samuel again proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "How long will you refuse to humble yourself to the great and powerful steers? You must let my people win, or we shall send a great sickness upon all the earth." But, again, Bowlsby did not listen and he sent them away.
So, the Cow Father's called upon their colleagues in Wuhan to release an epidemic so that all on Earth would suffer for the hardness of Bowlsby's heart. And the disease spread across the lands and the people cried out alone in their homes for mercy, but the Cow Father's would not hear their cries. And though the people of the Earth were suffering, Bowlsby's heart was still hardened.
The Fourth Plague
They returned to Bowlsby and Samuel again proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "How long will you refuse to humble yourself to the great and powerful steers? You must let my people win, or all the livestock of the nations will be put to death. But, Bowlsby did not listen and he sent them away. And the fields were filled with dead livestock.
The Fifth Plague
Again, they returned to Bowlsby and Samuel again proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "The Cow Fathers say to let my people win, or a great swarm of death hornets will be released in your land." But , again, Bowlsby did not listen and he sent them away. And the hornets came and the people suffered.
The Final Plague
Then, Bowlsby called to Her Man and said: "Go, you may have the conference championship. Only, leave the people their playoff that it may be seen as legitimate." But, Her Man said: "No, we must win everything so that all glory will be given to the cows." Then Bowlsby was angered and said to him: "Get away from me and never look upon my face again."
And the Cow Fathers said to Her Man: "Yet one more plague we shall bring to the people. For a long time have we suffered with low attendance. So, if we are not able to sell tickets, then no one shall sell tickets. And immediately the entire season was passed over. They did not make distinction between Division 1, Division 2, or Professionals. Behold, there was a great lament across the land, and all the people took some beer and sprinkled it upon their goal posts, but still no games were played and their fields were passed over. With no contest or evidence to say otherwise, all the land bowed to the cows and the media priests declared them the best of the nation.
And it was so
The Cow Fathers spoke unto Her Man, "See, we have made you like a champion and Samuel shall be your prophet. You shall go to Bowlsby and speak all that we command you. But Bowlsby's heart shall be hardened and he will not listen. Then we shall lay our hands on the people of the world and visit judgement upon them."
So, Her Man and Samuel stood before Bowlsby, and Samuel held up his horns and proclaimed: "Behold the signs and wonders we have performed in rankings and recruiting!" And Her Man spoke to Bowlsby: " The Cow Fathers sent me to you, and you are to instruct your field judges to let my people win so they can be glorified across the nation."
The First Plague
But Bowlsby's heart was hardened, and he sent them away. The Cow Fathers' anger burned against Bowlsby, and they said: "Behold, we shall send great fires upon the earth and burn up an entire continent down under, then Bowlsby shall know that we are the most powerful of the land. And he shall let my people win." So, the fires came.
The Second Plague
Thereafter, they returned to Bowlsby and Samuel proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "You must let my people win, or tomorrow we shall bring locusts into the land of Africa and they shall cover its face and bring ruin to the continent." But again Bowlsby sent them away and the Cow Fathers anger burned against him. So, it was as they said and the locusts came and devoured the crops of Africa.
The Third Plague
And, they returned to Bowlsby and Samuel again proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "How long will you refuse to humble yourself to the great and powerful steers? You must let my people win, or we shall send a great sickness upon all the earth." But, again, Bowlsby did not listen and he sent them away.
So, the Cow Father's called upon their colleagues in Wuhan to release an epidemic so that all on Earth would suffer for the hardness of Bowlsby's heart. And the disease spread across the lands and the people cried out alone in their homes for mercy, but the Cow Father's would not hear their cries. And though the people of the Earth were suffering, Bowlsby's heart was still hardened.
The Fourth Plague
They returned to Bowlsby and Samuel again proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "How long will you refuse to humble yourself to the great and powerful steers? You must let my people win, or all the livestock of the nations will be put to death. But, Bowlsby did not listen and he sent them away. And the fields were filled with dead livestock.
The Fifth Plague
Again, they returned to Bowlsby and Samuel again proclaimed: "We're Back!" They said to Bowlsby: "The Cow Fathers say to let my people win, or a great swarm of death hornets will be released in your land." But , again, Bowlsby did not listen and he sent them away. And the hornets came and the people suffered.
The Final Plague
Then, Bowlsby called to Her Man and said: "Go, you may have the conference championship. Only, leave the people their playoff that it may be seen as legitimate." But, Her Man said: "No, we must win everything so that all glory will be given to the cows." Then Bowlsby was angered and said to him: "Get away from me and never look upon my face again."
And the Cow Fathers said to Her Man: "Yet one more plague we shall bring to the people. For a long time have we suffered with low attendance. So, if we are not able to sell tickets, then no one shall sell tickets. And immediately the entire season was passed over. They did not make distinction between Division 1, Division 2, or Professionals. Behold, there was a great lament across the land, and all the people took some beer and sprinkled it upon their goal posts, but still no games were played and their fields were passed over. With no contest or evidence to say otherwise, all the land bowed to the cows and the media priests declared them the best of the nation.
And it was so