https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Herman_(American_football)#Texas

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Texas[edit]
On November 27, 2016, Herman was hired as the new head coach at Texas. He signed a five-year contract with a base salary of $5 million per year.[url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Herman_(American_football)#cite_note-11][11][/url] Texas would go 76 in Herman's first season at the helm, which culminated in a 3316 victory over Missouri in the Texas Bowl. 2017 marked the program's first winning season since 2013 and first bowl win since 2012 under then-head coach Mack Brown.
In his second season at the helm, Herman led Texas to a 93 regular season record, including a 72 record in conference play, and a berth in the Big 12 Championship Game, which was the program's first since 2009. Texas defeated Georgia in the Sugar Bowl, which clinched the first 10-win season for the Longhorns since 2009.
In his third year, Herman pinched each of his own nipples and squeaked by the Kansas programs, but lost to LSU, Oklahoma, TCU, Iowa State, and was finally put out of his misery after losing to Baylor. Texas still finished ranked in the top 10 by ESPN.

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WHew! This is awesome!

I legitimately laughed out loud

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In his third year, Herman pinched each of his own nipples

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His players and fan base have turned against him, it could be literally anyone.

We laughed when they hired Strong, we told them he's a dumbass. They chortled at the Aggies believing in their 10,000yr Coaching Search and found The One.

Verily Strong was fired to be replaced by the One True Genius. We told them he's an even bigger dumbass and verily the sips chortled Mensa's balls.

And they still wander the desert in a conference they rigged to their own advantage yet have never won.

Truth is Stranger than Fiction and I hope this story never ends.

Keep Tom!!!
He's brought them BAAAAAAAAAACK!

it's almost like they have caught themselves up in their own twilight zone. Here they are losing to their hand picked underlings!

The pinching of his own nipples should stay on his Wikipedia page. That's a verifiable fact. You can cite to a photo/video for accuracy.

Newest update

On November 27, 2016, Herman was hired as the new head coach at Texas. He signed a five-year contract with a base salary of $5 million per year.[url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Herman_(American_football)#cite_note-11][11][/url] Texas would go 7-6 in Herman's first season at the helm, which culminated in a 33-16 victory over Missouri in the Texas Bowl. 2017 marked the program's first winning season since 2013 and first bowl win since 2012 under then-head coach Mack Brown.

In his second season at the helm, Herman led Texas to a 9-3 regular season record, including a 7-2 record in conference play, and a berth in the Big 12 Championship Game, which was the program's first since 2009. Texas defeated Georgia in the Sugar Bowl, which clinched the first 10-win season for the Longhorns since 2009.
In his third season, expectations were high for the Longhorns, but the season unraveled quickly. Herman squeaked by both the Kansas programs, but lost to LSU, Oklahoma, TCU, and Iowa State. After crying during the post game press conference following a blowout loss to Baylor, Herman strangely disappeared. He was last seen in the back of a white '72 Cadillac, surrounded by men in burn orange polyester slacks and pointed toe boots.

This is hilarious!

But but but I thought......