Listen my children and you shall hear,
A poem less lovely than a beer,
The brew that Joe's Bar has on tap,
With creamy base and foamy cap,
The stuff I sit and drink all day,
Until my memory floats away.
Poems are writ by fools I fear,
But only Schlitz can make a beer.

Dub, you old bag of bones...you're not helping.

I'm not just bones now, I'm fat too.

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

It's happy hour at the OP's.

Aye.. wass happnen mayn? Dis ya folk... T.I.P. Da Bankhead Ambassodor. Dig dis hea mayn...
Me n my folk, Lil Jon, man ya no wat im sayin?
We been puttin it all da way down since da mutha****in Phillip's Arena wit da Obney
Ya no wat im sayin?
Bacc when n****z wanted ya to cut skool and go kicc it
In da mutha****in Goldmine, ya no wat im sayin?
Kick it in front of da muthau****in Undaground
Ya no.. snatch chainz when da sun go down, ya undastand dat?
So.. u ain't ****in wit no fake n****
Aye, im da mutha*****in Bankhead Amassodor
I rep da West side
He rep da East side to da fullest
So we put it all da way down
Da king of da South and da Kingz of Crunk
N**** how it get betta den dat?
Keep it pimpin, im serious... *****

IThe dirty little coward that shot Mr. Howard,
And laid poor Jesse in his grave.

Lizzie Borden took an ax
And gave her mother forty whacks;
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one.

Here lies Les Moore,
Shot six times with a forty-four.
No Les, no more.

I coulda been a contenda.

Yonder see the morning blink,
The sun is up and so must I,
To wash and dress and eat and drink
And walk about and talk and think
And work...and God knows why. AEH

Some day they'll go down forever,
They'll bury them side by side,
To few it'll be grief,
To the law a relief,
But it's death for Bonnie and Clyde. BP

There was an Old Man of Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, called Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead ***** in his cave.
"I know it's a sin,"
He said with a grin,
"But think of the money I save!"
-- LonghornDub

AGinHI said:

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This guy gets it

goodAg80 said:

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There was an Old Man of Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, called Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

---

I seem to recall a different Old Man from Nantucket.....

Champ Bailey said:

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Here lies the bones of Screwy Dick,
He spent his whole life with a corkscrew *****,
He searched and he searched in the feudal hunt,
To find the woman with the corkscrew ****.
He finally found her and then dropped dead,
The damn ***** had a left hand thread.

---

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could lick her candy
But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock
Because Jill's real name was Randy

Nuke_Ag05 said:

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This is legit truth....

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Legit

There was an old man named Topaz
Whose balls were made out of brass
And in stormy weather
They'd both clang together
And lighting shot out of his ass

I once had a girl from New Zealand
She laid on her back
and tickled her crack
And pee'd all over the ceiling !

I now gotta gal from Denver City
and She's got gum drops on her Tiddies
She can dance and she can prance
and she's got a mustache down her pants !

DC79er said:

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I once had a girl from New Zealand
She laid on her back
and tickled her crack
And pee'd all over the ceiling !

I now gotta gal from Denver City
and She's got gum drops on her Tiddies
She can dance and she can prance
and she's got a mustache down her pants !

---

these suck. boo

Here I sit all broken........

Nah.

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
Whilst dreaming of Venus
He played with his *****
And woke up with a hand full of Goo

There was a young man named O'Doole
Who had a red ring 'round his tool
He went to his doc
who looked at his cock
And said, "wash it's lipstick you fool"

There once was a ***** from Kilkenny
Who'd let you cum for a penny
But for half of that sum,
You could cum in her bum,
An economy practiced by many!

Donnie D's on the back up
Drug free so put the crack up
No need for speed
I'm anti d-r-u-g-g-I-e

Can you feel it baby
I can too