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Say you or your SO was given a very generous gift...

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WestTexAg12
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6:31p, 4/23/18
AG
My SO was given a very large sum of money, and she and I have agreed that it should be used as a safety blanket.

I want to invest it though, and she is open to the idea. If you were in our situation, what would you do with it? Some type of bond, mutual fund, etc?

Im usually a little aggressive in my stocks and investing, but this would more than likely be on the "conservative-moderate" scale?

Any advice would be nice.

ETA, I've already asked if I could buy a bass boat, and she said no.
"Give me an army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win the war.”
- General George S. Patton
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O'Doyle Rules
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7:29p, 4/23/18
AG
"large sum of money"

"safety blanket"

Im confused about the total you would be talking about . Its all relative I guess. A safety blanket for me would be about 6 months living expenses, 20-30k.
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WestTexAg12
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In reply to O'Doyle Rules • 8:06p, 4/23/18
AG
O'Doyle Rules said:
"large sum of money"

"safety blanket"

Im confused about the total you would be talking about . Its all relative I guess. A safety blanket for me would be about 6 months living expenses, 20-30k.

Doesn't really matter the amount does it? I don't want to put the amount on here because of people who may know my handle. Should have made a sock...

But if it helps, it's much more than that amount
"Give me an army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win the war.”
- General George S. Patton
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aggiepaintrain
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8:14p, 4/23/18
AG
FJB
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WestTexAg12
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In reply to aggiepaintrain • 8:22p, 4/23/18
AG
aggiepaintrain said:


I laughed... but also snorted because you didn't offer advice.
"Give me an army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win the war.”
- General George S. Patton
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Loaded
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8:31p, 4/23/18
AG
Are you living debt free? If not, I would consider paying off some or all debt in combination with investing the remainder.
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WestTexAg12
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8:33p, 4/23/18
AG
I currently have two mortgages that I'm paying off. One of those I'm collecting rent that covers the mortgage plus some.

It would probably be smart to pay them off completely? I've only had the mortgages for <1 year
"Give me an army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win the war.”
- General George S. Patton
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AggieT12
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8:38p, 4/23/18
AG
Max out your IRA, 401k, keep a little for a safety blanket then depending on your stage in life invest the rest in options below.

Down payment for a house or rental property
Low cost Index funds
529 for future kids
Buy a McDonalds franchise
Bitcoin - trust the process

That's what I'd do but in reverse order
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Ragoo
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9:15p, 4/23/18
AG
I would interview wealth planners, hire one I trust and set the money up with them for 20 years. I would then go about my life had i not received this money. Then retire early.
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TXTransplant
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9:31p, 4/23/18
Is this significant other your wife? You mention paying off mortgages that "you" (not "we") have and that "you" (not "we") are paying off. If y'all aren't married, then she needs to get something in writing before doing anything that pays off your debt or puts money into any of your retirement accounts.

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WestTexAg12
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In reply to TXTransplant • 9:39p, 4/23/18
AG
TXTransplant said:
Is this significant other your wife? You mention paying off mortgages that "you" (not "we") have and that "you" (not "we") are paying off. If y'all aren't married, then she needs to get something in writing before doing anything that pays off your debt or puts money into any of your retirement accounts.



Very soon it will be a "we" thing. Yea, the mortgages are mine, but she realizes that They are ours in a few months and is on board for paying them off (I sent her a link to this thread, don't say anything embarrassing!). We likely will not make any moves until we tie the knot, if that clears it up.

I should add that we are under 30 years old.
"Give me an army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win the war.”
- General George S. Patton
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TXTransplant
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In reply to WestTexAg12 • 9:52p, 4/23/18
As a single woman who is soon to be out of her 30s, and whose savings/assets are completely self-earned, if I were her, I'd do a couple of things:

1) Put some of the money in an indexed mutual fund (keep the rest in cash) until you put a ring on it.
2) Get a pre-nup that SPECIFICALLY addresses this lump sum. If the marriage should end, she should at a minimum get this lump sum back. I'm sure you are a great guy and she's a great woman and y'all are going to live happily ever after, but she needs to protect herself. You should be willing to sign it because you recognize that this is HER money, not yours, and you are not entitled to any of it if y'all are no longer together.

If she has any debt of her own, now would be the time to pay that off using the funds.

The thing about the mortgages that you already have - they won't be fully "ours". Presumably, you used your own money to obtain those mortgages and have been using your own money to pay them down. She would probably only be entitled to any appreciation/equity obtained after y'all are married (not anything you earned up to the marriage).

You're bringing assets to the marriage just like she is, it's just hers are liquid and yours are not. The pre-nup would be a good place to address the ownership of those properties, too



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TXTransplant
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In reply to [removed post] • 10:27p, 4/23/18
Poke fun, but I have several good friends who were blindsided by a divorce. One had used all of her savings to pay down tens of thousands of dollars of her husband's credit card debt (that he accumulated before the marriage). To save her sanity, she gave him the house and walked away. Another friend's husband left her for another woman after the family moved from TX to Seattle. She had very few (if any) assets of her own because she was a SAHM for several years. Now he's bitter because he has to pay alimony so she can afford housing for their kids.

This is her money. If he were the one going into the marriage with the money, I'd say the same thing. I fully support using the money to grow your finances together during the marriage, but both people should be willing to recognize what the other brought to the marriage (and be willing to give it back in the event of a divorce).

To be fair, I also have female friends who are hoping/waiting for a man to come along and pay off their debt and solve all of their financial problems. I think that's an unfair expectation, too.
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sellthefarm
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10:27p, 4/23/18
AG
Forget the prenup. No point in getting hitched if you think you need a prenup.

I'd probably look at non-residential rental property. Retail or maybe light industrial. I'd be looking to set up long term income streams. But I'm pretty interested in that type of thing and I don't think it's for everybody
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harrierdoc
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10:57p, 4/23/18
AG
Shoot me an email. My contact info is in my profile. No, I'm not going to try to sell you anything...
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MemorialTXAg
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11:07p, 4/23/18
Prenup.
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pfo
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11:32p, 4/23/18
AG
Since the money isn't yours but rather hers I would let her make all the decisions regarding her own money. If you invest it and lose it, your relationship will be over but not before you are told about it time and time again and possibly sued over it and trashed all over town as being a dumbass or crook.

If it's an extremely large sum of money you might want to suggest she consult a certified financial planner. But remember, the most important and thing going on here is you are not investing her money. She is.
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Cyp0111
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In reply to pfo • 12:09a, 4/24/18
If it is significant amount of money you should look to pay down all reasonable debts and then turn the money over to a CFP that you both choose. She needs to be very comfortable with these decisions and having a rep should help buffer issues if any losses to the investmentZ
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gig em 02
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12:17a, 4/24/18
I think the amount is pretty important
$100k = index fund
$500k = $100k level + more real estate
$1,000,000 = $500k level + NNN real estate
$10,000,000 = HB
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TXTransplant
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In reply to pfo • 6:42a, 4/24/18
pfo said:
Since the money isn't yours but rather hers I would let her make all the decisions regarding her own money. If you invest it and lose it, your relationship will be over but not before you are told about it time and time again and possibly sued over it and trashed all over town as being a dumbass or crook.

If it's an extremely large sum of money you might want to suggest she consult a certified financial planner. But remember, the most important and thing going on here is you are not investing her money. She is.


This is also good advice, for even more reasons than what's stated.

If you've "convinced" her to invest the money, that tells me she doesn't know much (if anything) about how to manage this kind of money. The fact that you are posting here tells me your knowledge is limited, too.

That's not a knock on y'all - I'm certainly no expert, either.

But taking responsibility for your own finances is the BEST way to learn. Simply using the money to pay down mortgages that you took out seems like a logical and financially prudent decision, but it's also the easy/lazy solution because you've already made all the decisions (meaning, you decided how much to spend, which houses to buy, you went through the mortgage process, etc).

And I personally think she owes it to herself (and your future family) to take the initiative and use this as an opportunity to really invest (pun intended) in building her knowledge of finances and investing. I think y'all's financial future as a couple will be better for it.
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WestTexAg12
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In reply to TXTransplant • 7:05a, 4/24/18
AG
TXTransplant said:
pfo said:
Since the money isn't yours but rather hers I would let her make all the decisions regarding her own money. If you invest it and lose it, your relationship will be over but not before you are told about it time and time again and possibly sued over it and trashed all over town as being a dumbass or crook.

If it's an extremely large sum of money you might want to suggest she consult a certified financial planner. But remember, the most important and thing going on here is you are not investing her money. She is.


This is also good advice, for even more reasons than what's stated.

If you've "convinced" her to invest the money, that tells me she doesn't know much (if anything) about how to manage this kind of money. The fact that you are posting here tells me your knowledge is limited, too.

That's not a knock on y'all - I'm certainly no expert, either.

But taking responsibility for your own finances is the BEST way to learn. Simply using the money to pay down mortgages that you took out seems like a logical and financially prudent decision, but it's also the easy/lazy solution because you've already made all the decisions (meaning, you decided how much to spend, which houses to buy, you went through the mortgage process, etc).

And I personally think she owes it to herself (and your future family) to take the initiative and use this as an opportunity to really invest (pun intended) in building her knowledge of finances and investing. I think y'all's financial future as a couple will be better for it.


She and I are definitely no experts, you are correct. I have been investing a bit more than she has. She has the confidence in my decision making abilities and the trust in me as a person to have brought this to my attention in the first place. She was nervous about telling me about the secret for a long time because she didn't want me thinking differently about her and her family.

I haven't convinced her of anything, and she and I are fully aware of whose money it is and whose ultimate decision it is. We have been discussing it for a little while and she and I have discussed what would be best for our future, and some of the options have been stated. I appreciate you taking a cautious approach to the advice, as does she. She read your initial comments and appreciated the genuine advice.

We want what is best for both of us and our future family, and as stated before she asked my advice and thoughts on what we should do with it. I am in no way scheming to take advantage of her and the situation, but am wanting to take advantage of a good opportunity to provide both of us a long and nice retirement for when we are married for 50 years.

Hope that clears up my intentions and the situation.
"Give me an army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win the war.”
- General George S. Patton
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Obi Wan Ginobili
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In reply to sellthefarm • 7:15a, 4/24/18
sellthefarm said:
Forget the prenup. No point in getting hitched if you think you need a prenup.


Holy hell what an outdated way of thinking.

A prenup is not a sign of mistrust. If anything, a prenup is a way for two people to show that they respect each other enough that they aren't in the marriage to screw with each other's pre-marital financials.

Don't let your ego get the best of you. It's irrelevant where the large sum of money came from, it should be in writing that if something should happen to your relationship, she gets that money back.
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oldarmy1
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7:35a, 4/24/18
AG
Mortgage. If interest is in the 4% range why would anyone pay that off? It's as close to free as anyone in the current or next 5 generations will see.

Prenup. I hate attorneys and they love my money. I love my wife and she could care less about my money, although I tell her it's our money. My lawyers are for my businesses not for my wife.

If you see what I'm getting at then put your faith, hopes and dreams in each other. If you don't then hire your lawyers because you'll likely need them.

Did your grandfather tell you the Farmer Brown story, about the chicken and the pig talking about throwing a party for Farmer Brown for being such a great caretaker? The chicken suggested ham & eggs and the pig died of a heart attack. Ya see to the chicken eggs were just a donation but to the pig that required total commitment.

If you were raised to be totally committed to your spouse then be totally committed. Love isn't a scorecard and has no safety nets, if totally committed.

My true story. I didn't have 2 nickels to rub together when my wife and I married. Her family had the 42 ft Hatteras, the Woodland Oaks Mansion and all that goes with it. Then oil busted, the family who were heavily leveraged in energy lost almost everything.

In her parents final years we supported them and 2 of their other children. Not one time was there ever a talk or thought about "my" money.

As for how to shelter, invest or shield your finances send me a pm AFTER you are married.



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TwoMarksHand
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8:15a, 4/24/18
AG
Pay off any loans with >4% rate. The rest into VTSAX and forget about it.
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MAS444
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8:15a, 4/24/18
AG
Any recs for Houston area wealth planners for this kind of thing?
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Ulrich
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In reply to TXTransplant • 8:30a, 4/24/18
TXTransplant said:

To be fair, I also have female friends who are hoping/waiting for a man to come along and pay off their debt and solve all of their financial problems. I think that's an unfair expectation, too.

Are any of them hot?
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Cyp0111
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In reply to MAS444 • 8:36a, 4/24/18
I think the reason a wealth planner may make sense is even though you may have to pay 1% it does remove any potential issues that arise as a result of potential losses/bad investment decisions.
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TXTransplant
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In reply to WestTexAg12 • 9:00a, 4/24/18
WestTexAg12 said:
TXTransplant said:
pfo said:
Since the money isn't yours but rather hers I would let her make all the decisions regarding her own money. If you invest it and lose it, your relationship will be over but not before you are told about it time and time again and possibly sued over it and trashed all over town as being a dumbass or crook.

If it's an extremely large sum of money you might want to suggest she consult a certified financial planner. But remember, the most important and thing going on here is you are not investing her money. She is.


This is also good advice, for even more reasons than what's stated.

If you've "convinced" her to invest the money, that tells me she doesn't know much (if anything) about how to manage this kind of money. The fact that you are posting here tells me your knowledge is limited, too.

That's not a knock on y'all - I'm certainly no expert, either.

But taking responsibility for your own finances is the BEST way to learn. Simply using the money to pay down mortgages that you took out seems like a logical and financially prudent decision, but it's also the easy/lazy solution because you've already made all the decisions (meaning, you decided how much to spend, which houses to buy, you went through the mortgage process, etc).

And I personally think she owes it to herself (and your future family) to take the initiative and use this as an opportunity to really invest (pun intended) in building her knowledge of finances and investing. I think y'all's financial future as a couple will be better for it.


She and I are definitely no experts, you are correct. I have been investing a bit more than she has. She has the confidence in my decision making abilities and the trust in me as a person to have brought this to my attention in the first place. She was nervous about telling me about the secret for a long time because she didn't want me thinking differently about her and her family.

I haven't convinced her of anything, and she and I are fully aware of whose money it is and whose ultimate decision it is. We have been discussing it for a little while and she and I have discussed what would be best for our future, and some of the options have been stated. I appreciate you taking a cautious approach to the advice, as does she. She read your initial comments and appreciated the genuine advice.

We want what is best for both of us and our future family, and as stated before she asked my advice and thoughts on what we should do with it. I am in no way scheming to take advantage of her and the situation, but am wanting to take advantage of a good opportunity to provide both of us a long and nice retirement for when we are married for 50 years.

Hope that clears up my intentions and the situation.


I honestly believe that your intentions are good and that you're looking out for her and your future family. I've just had enough life experience and seen enough friends go through really tough times that I've learned to be cautious.

Without knowing you personally, and knowing there are a lot of sh/tty people out there, I'm going to be more objective with my advice. IMO, the worst thing a woman can do is put herself in a position where her husband makes all the financial decisions. Even if y'all don't divorce, there may come a time when she has to take control of the finances. Better to start learning now than being forced to learn because you find yourself in a stressful/unexpected situation. And I think when she gets into it, she's going to realize it's really interesting and empowering to be an active participant in making your money work for you rather than you working for your money.
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aggiepaintrain
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9:07a, 4/24/18
AG
real advice, do whatever this guy says to do

oldarmy1

and an engagement ring.
FJB
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mhayden
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9:26a, 4/24/18
oldarmy1 regularly gives good advice, and I don't have a strong opinion either way on prenups... but I'm not sure a guy that didn't have 2 nickels to rub together when he got married isn't going to have a bit of a skewed opinion on them.
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Duncan Idaho
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9:38a, 4/24/18
Not financial advice but relationship advice:
Since she is a SO and not your wife...
Advise her well but don't view the money as yours any more than you would if your best friend recieved it. It is her's and her's alone.


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idAg09
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9:44a, 4/24/18
So let's say they were already 5 years into marriage and had a couple of kids when wife's parents say they want to give a 100k monetary gift. Gift was specifically given to wife.

Probably makes more sense to give to every individual of the 4 member family for tax reasons I think, but let's say parents give to her specifically.

Does this change things? No pre-nup, but doesn't law say gifts or inheritance are exempt from splitting if a divorce happens? I'm completely unfamiliar with this stuff, but seemed like a good question.
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Duncan Idaho
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9:44a, 4/24/18
Pfo is spot on in his post
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Ragoo
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In reply to MAS444 • 9:47a, 4/24/18
AG
MAS444 said:
Any recs for Houston area wealth planners for this kind of thing?
look into Tanglewood Legacy Advisors
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