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Kolache dorks on high alert!

10,630 Views | 72 Replies | Last: 5 yr ago by BohunkAg
Furlock Bones
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7:29a, 12/5/16
AG
http://buzzworthy.blog.austin360.com/2016/12/02/a-plea-to-central-texans-from-a-czech-girl-please-stop-referring-to-sausage-filled-pastries-as-kolaches/

Quote:
Before we get started, take a peek at my last name. It's as Czech as they come. The name Penck is actually a nickname for a peasant (I know, I know). It comes from the Czech word meaning "wheat." I grew up in the heart of the "Texas Czech Belt." So, trust me, I know a thing or two about doughy Bohemian pastries.
Texas is a pretty heavily Czech region, with immigrants from Bohemia settling in the Texas Czech Belt in the early 1800s. They brought with them one of the best pastries known to mankind, and even now kolaches are a pretty big deal around these parts. A "kolach" (that's the singular form of the word, though colloquially people use "kolache" as singular and "kolaches" as plural, so that's how I'm referring to it here) is a round or square-ish pastry made with sweet yeast dough and filled with fruit or cheese.
Notice I said fruit or cheese not meat. The traditional kolache fillings include things like plums, prunes, poppy seeds, apricots and just plain farmer's cheese, due to the availability of those tasty flavors in poor immigrant families in the 19th century. Later, those fillings were expanded to include cream cheese, blueberries, pineapples, nuts, cottage cheese, cherriesyou name the fruit or cheese, and you could put it in a kolache. Notice, again, I haven't mentioned meat.
the funny part is that she actually got trolled on twitter.

https://twitter.com/psencikk?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
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Chewy
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7:51a, 12/5/16
AG
As has been said before I hope every one of these kolache purists always orders sliced chicken breast rather than chicken fajitas at their favorite Mexican restaurant.
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Al Bula
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7:53a, 12/5/16
AG
Ha! Czech peasants from La Grange to Caldwell are triggered by this phenomenon.



That chick's twitter is insufferable.
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Bruce Almighty
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8:28a, 12/5/16
03_Aggie
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8:48a, 12/5/16
Q-tips
Kleenex
Coke

What are some others these purists probably use and don't care of think about?
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Jock 07
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8:50a, 12/5/16
AG
so desperate to feel that her heritage is important. are kolaches really the only thing these dorks have to hold onto to define their heritage? are germans as anal about sausage as these chuckleheads?
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Al Bula
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In reply to Jock 07 • 8:58a, 12/5/16
AG
Jock 07 said:
so desperate to feel that her heritage is important. are kolaches really the only thing these dorks have to hold onto to define their heritage?
Yes. Polka music is a distant second. Kolaches are all they have. Here is a polka song. With lyrics like these, I am shocked polka isn't bigger than kolaches.
Quote:
Too Fat Polka lyrics

Here's a silly ditty, you can sing it night or day
or sing it while you play, or sing it while you may.
Here's a silly jingle, you can sing it night or noon,
Here's the words, that's all you need, cause I just sing the tune,
(chorus 1)
Oh, I don't want her, you can have her,
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat for me,
She's too fat for me.
I don't want her, you can have her,
Please do that for me.
She's too fat, she's too fat,
She's too fat for me.
I get dizzy, I get numbo
When I'm dancing
With my Jum-Jum-Jumbo.
(chorus 2)
I don't want her, you can have her,
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat for me,
She's too fat for me.
I don't want her, you can have her,
She's too fat for me,
She's too fat,
She's too fat,
She's too fat for me. Oh,
"Can she prance up a hill
No, No, No, No, No
Can she dance a quadrille?
No, No, No, No, No
Can she fit in you coupe? (Car horn beeps da, da, dada!)
By herself she's a group
Could she possibly, sit upon your knee?
Oh, NO! NO!
"I don't want her,
You can have her
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me.
I don't want her,
You can have her
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat! Much too fat!
She's too fat for me."
She's a twosome.
She's a foursome.
If she'd lose some,
I might like her more some!
"I don't want her,
You can have her
She's too fat for me.
(But she's just right for me)
But she's just right for me
I don't want her,
You can have her
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat! Much too fat!
She's too fat for me."
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Mr. McGibblets
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8:59a, 12/5/16
AG
She is doing the lords work.
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byfLuger41
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9:06a, 12/5/16
AG
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drumboy
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9:07a, 12/5/16
AG
She got pretty butt hurt on the twitter.... What is she, 4 or 5 generations removed from her immigrant ancestors and now she 'know(s) this is just a portion of what immigrants feel on a daily basis. It's truly heartbreaking.' and talking about xenophobia cause commenters didn't agree that kolaches don't have meat?
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byfLuger41
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9:20a, 12/5/16
AG

Quote:
Yesterday, I wrote a fun, brief (but thoroughly researched!) post for work about kolache vs. klobanisky, which was intended to educate my community on the proper name for two popular foods which are a big part of my Czech heritage. The post gained a lot of attention, and with that (obviously) came people telling me to "get over it and stop being so sensitive," which I expected. What I didn't expect were the commenters telling me to "Go back to Czech" (which, for one thing, doesn't even make sense because "Czech" is not a country, but whatever) because, "This is how Texans do it/what Texans call it."

I am a native Texan. I have lived in various places along the same 40-mile stretch of highway between Austin and Bastrop for my entire life. I am not an immigrant, but I'm starting to understand what it feels like to be one.

It's amazing to me that simply asking people to honor the culture/heritage behind a simple pastry can bring about such hate and intolerance.

I grew up in the Texas Czech Belt. I identify strongly with my Czech heritage (and my German heritage, too!) and I am PROUD to be Bohemian. I have never once felt like I didn't belong here in Central Texas, where I've lived my whole life and plan to stay for a very long time, until today.

I know this is a very, VERY small portion of the challenges that face immigrants in this country. I recognize that I am extremely privileged that this is the first time I've experienced xenophobia firsthand. But it's utterly heartbreaking to think that this type of language is pointed toward thousands of people in this country on a daily basis.

Please don't tell me that you're sorry that this happened I'm not sharing this story for pity, or to make any of you argue about politics in the comments. I wanted to share this story because I am a white, middle-class, college-educated woman, the daughter and granddaughter and great-granddaughter of blue-collar workers, and this still happened to me. Xenophobia is a thing that is happening, EVERYWHERE. Even in the most unlikely of places. Even when people like to pretend that it isn't.

(Also, one person said I'm not Czech because I didn't grow up in the Czech Republic. I don't really think that's how culture works.)

Taken from her FB.
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Jock 07
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In reply to byfLuger41 • 9:35a, 12/5/16
AG
Smith&Co1970 said:

Quote:
Yesterday, I wrote a fun, brief (but thoroughly researched!) post for work about kolache vs. klobanisky, which was intended to educate my community on the proper name for two popular foods which are a big part of my Czech heritage. The post gained a lot of attention, and with that (obviously) came people telling me to "get over it and stop being so sensitive," which I expected. What I didn't expect were the commenters telling me to "Go back to Czech" (which, for one thing, doesn't even make sense because "Czech" is not a country, but whatever) because, "This is how Texans do it/what Texans call it."

I am a native Texan. I have lived in various places along the same 40-mile stretch of highway between Austin and Bastrop for my entire life. I am not an immigrant, but I'm starting to understand what it feels like to be one.

It's amazing to me that simply asking people to honor the culture/heritage behind a simple pastry can bring about such hate and intolerance.

I grew up in the Texas Czech Belt. I identify strongly with my Czech heritage (and my German heritage, too!) and I am PROUD to be Bohemian. I have never once felt like I didn't belong here in Central Texas, where I've lived my whole life and plan to stay for a very long time, until today.

I know this is a very, VERY small portion of the challenges that face immigrants in this country. I recognize that I am extremely privileged that this is the first time I've experienced xenophobia firsthand. But it's utterly heartbreaking to think that this type of language is pointed toward thousands of people in this country on a daily basis.

Please don't tell me that you're sorry that this happened I'm not sharing this story for pity, or to make any of you argue about politics in the comments. I wanted to share this story because I am a white, middle-class, college-educated woman, the daughter and granddaughter and great-granddaughter of blue-collar workers, and this still happened to me. Xenophobia is a thing that is happening, EVERYWHERE. Even in the most unlikely of places. Even when people like to pretend that it isn't.

(Also, one person said I'm not Czech because I didn't grow up in the Czech Republic. I don't really think that's how culture works.)

Taken from her FB.
what a little whiny, triggered, *****. this is why the terrorists are winning. As an old boss of mine used to say "****ing millennials."
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5
Diggity
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9:36a, 12/5/16
AG
Manufactured Martyrdom.
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Chewy
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9:40a, 12/5/16
AG
I bet if someone posts a pic from her FB page we would have a better idea why she's hell bent on holding onto her Czech heritage.
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Furlock Bones
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9:43a, 12/5/16
AG
cultural appropriation

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Jock 07
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In reply to Furlock Bones • 9:44a, 12/5/16
AG
please tell me that's her
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Furlock Bones
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9:47a, 12/5/16
AG
it is.
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byfLuger41
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9:56a, 12/5/16
AG
FWIW,

She's a journalism major from tu, c/o 2013.
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Finn Maccumhail
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10:03a, 12/5/16
AG
Quote:
I grew up in the Texas Czech Belt. I identify strongly with my Czech heritage (and my German heritage, too!)

Is she gonna invade herself?
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The Wonderer
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In reply to Finn Maccumhail • 10:06a, 12/5/16
AG
Finn Maccumhail said:
Quote:
I grew up in the Texas Czech Belt. I identify strongly with my Czech heritage (and my German heritage, too!)

Is she gonna invade herself?
Probably the only way she'll feel an invasion..
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FarmerJohn
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10:08a, 12/5/16
AG
Quote:
are germans as anal about sausage as these chuckleheads?
Yes.
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howdydamnit04
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In reply to byfLuger41 • 10:20a, 12/5/16
AG

Quote:

I am PROUD to be Bohemian.


Is this the real life?
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zap
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In reply to howdydamnit04 • 10:25a, 12/5/16
AG
howdydamnit04 said:

Quote:

I am PROUD to be Bohemian.


Is this the real life?

...or is this just fantasy?
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byfLuger41
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10:28a, 12/5/16
AG
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Texaggie7nine
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10:33a, 12/5/16
Your culture has been appropriated. Deal with it and be thankful. Texas only appropriates the best.
7nine
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agnerd
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In reply to Al Bula • 10:47a, 12/5/16
AG
RPM said:

Too Fat Polka lyrics

Here's a silly ditty, you can sing it night or day
or sing it while you play, or sing it while you may.
Here's a silly jingle, you can sing it night or noon,
Here's the words, that's all you need, cause I just sing the tune,
(chorus 1)
Oh, I don't want her, you can have her,
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat for me,
She's too fat for me.
I don't want her, you can have her,
Please do that for me.
She's too fat, she's too fat,
She's too fat for me.
New official GB anthem?
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agnerd
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10:51a, 12/5/16
AG
I don't get my panties in a wad when some Yankee says he's going to have a "BBQ" when he really means he's going to throw some burgers on the grill.
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Bruce Almighty
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10:54a, 12/5/16
AG
And I call all soda Coke. The horror!
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MouthBQ98
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10:54a, 12/5/16
AG
You freakin heathens that can't even grasp kolache is already plural.

You wouldn't say Chineses.
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Furlock Bones
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In reply to Texaggie7nine • 11:00a, 12/5/16
AG
Texaggie7nine said:
Your culture has been appropriated. Deal with it and be thankful. Texas only appropriates the best.
as i said on FB, Texas, fixing the world's mistakes 1 pastry at a time.
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The Milkman
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In reply to MouthBQ98 • 11:18a, 12/5/16
AG
MouthBQ98 said:
You freakin heathens that can't even grasp kolache is already plural.

You wouldn't say Chineses.
No but I would say "tamales" instead of tamale already being plural
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FW Declerk
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11:55a, 12/5/16
I went to Prague didn't see one kolachi there
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JJxvi
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12:16p, 12/5/16
AG
Sweet. I was waiting for an "I went to Prague" quote on this thread.
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Ferris Wheel Allstar
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In reply to JJxvi • 12:40p, 12/5/16
AG
JJxvi said:
Sweet. I was waiting for an "I went to Prague" quote on this thread.
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Bird Dog
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In reply to The Milkman • 1:58p, 12/5/16
AG
Plural is tamales, singular is tamal.
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