So I have tried to figure this out through Apple support and it doesn't seem to work and I thought I'd ask here and see if anyone has any ideas or is it a lost cause. The premise is we have a family Apple/iTunes account but my wife and I have a different Apple IDs under her original account and mine was created when I bought my first iPhone whenever that was a long time ago lol.

When I first got an iPod (now called the "classic iPod"), I spent many hours just ripping all of our CDs to iTunes and when I got my iPhones, all of those were always on them. I never had any problem with songs graying out even after I created my new Apple ID and would change to a newer phone because I always updated them through our computer. This worked fine until I bought my most recent phone the 13 Pro and my usual "update with the computer" resulted in me having almost all of my iTunes/Apple music visible but grayed out on my phone with a few albums or songs still playable.

I went into the settings online, checked all of them on mine AND my wife's ID and talked with Apple support about it and they were like "meh we're not sure" and they told me something to do which I did and a small amount became playable so any thoughts on how I can get them to show back up as playable? I am pretty sure there's ONE share setting SOMEWHERE in my wife's account since she was the one who created our original family account that if I turned it on the problem would fix itself but I can't find where that is and Apple Support didn't know what to do past what they already told me. We subscribe to Apple music also now but I just wanted what I already had on there to show back up because it's a lot.

Any suggestions at all?

Would unchecking "sync library" in music setting on settings page help with that? I'd be careful and research it before you do it. I don't know if it would delete your own music.

Well it would I think however I'm assuming there's a "sync music" button somewhere on my wife's account in addition to the one I already clicked (which did result in a couple of things showing up) and so that's what I'm trying to find if I have somehow missed it or if there is something else graying the songs out.

These are songs you've ripped, have in iTunes, and uploaded to your library? If so, go into iTunes and try resyncing your library. I use AM, and had a few Honeybrowne songs that were grayed out. Went to iTines and had the little dotted line cloud, and resynced them and they uploaded.

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT203564
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT210403

Apple and specifically iTunes misplaced efforts to prevent piracy, and in the process...basically labelling you as guilty until proven innocent with regard to legitimate ownership of music files that were either purchased through itunes or ripped from CD is why I said..."Fck Apple....and fck itunes."

I had songs that were purchased through itunes greyed out because apple could not determine if they were legitimate or not....that's pathetic. That and iTunes updating itself basically every other day was annoying as hell.