The Time I Interviewed Lawrence Taylor

2,476 Views | 2 Replies | Last: 4 yr ago by PooDoo
Fat Bib Fortuna
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AG
Told this story to a friend yesterday who had never heard it, and given that being a Texans' fan in the off-season is is almost as depressing as being a Texans' fan during the actual season, I thought I'd share here as well.


It was the summer of 2008, about 6 months after the Giants defeated the Patriots in the Super Bowl to end the quest for a 19-0 season. I was working at a newspaper doing absolutely nothing one day when a call came in from one of the local high schools' booster club VP that they were having their fundraiser golf tournament at a nearby country club and that Lawrence Taylor was participating.

Myself and a coworker - who was from Maryland and had grown up a Redskins' fan and thus hating/respecting LT - huffed our way over there and talked to the woman who had called at the main building. She told us LT and his foursome were on the back nine and then proceeded to say, "Now, you'll want to look for man who is black and pretty muscular and he's wearing a red shirt and an earring" as if we weren't going to be able to figure out which person at the 99.5% white country club was Lawrence Taylor.

So we got a cart and went driving around looking and finally see LT and company. We respectfully wait until they are done on the green. As we walk up, I noticed that two of his foursome are older white guys that I don't recognize, but the fourth is Nick van Exel, which just makes it that much weirder. Do I interview Nick van Exel too? Does anyone who reads the paper I work for know or care who Nick van Exel is? Anyway, we say hi to the four of them at which time LT asks if we have any Scotch.

Having played golf only once before at that point, the idea that you can order drinks from a nice golf club while playing had not occurred to me. Fortunately my coworker had played enough to realize that LT somehow thought two guys in their 30s dressed business casual were the drink go-getters at this country club. We had to disappoint him that this was not the case. I said, we're actually from the local paper, and someone called and mentioned you were out here, so we thought we'd come take a photo, and see if you'd talk to us for just a few minutes about playing for the fundraiser.

Unfortunately, TexAgs' swear filter is going to diminish this part of the story, so I'm going to use the words fornicate and kitty cat for the words that I really mean and you can figure it out for yourself.

LT looks me straight in the face and says "I'm not going to answer any motherfornicating questions for some stupid fornicating newspaper. I'm out here to play some fornicating golf, motherfornicater!"

I'm a fairly big guy, but that really took me aback. And I've seen that video of him snapping Theisman's leg plenty of times growing up, so we both apologized and began to exit stage left back to the cart.

As we're getting back in the cart, thankful that he didn't snap both of our necks, one of the white guys comes rushing up - he's the high school's booster club president and is now in damage control mode. Not that we had any sort of real power to do anything (or would), but he was terribly embarrassed and told us he had talked to LT and he would give us five minutes after the next hole.

So we waited, and approached again, and I got to interview LT while he sat in a golf cart slamming a beer.
I asked him a softball question about the Giants winning the Super Bowl and he answered nicely and graciously. The interview went south from there.

Me: "So what brings you out the fundraiser tournament?"
LT: "I didn't even know that was going on, man. I just wanted to play some fornicating free golf."
Me: "Oh, OK, well what brings you to town?"
LT: "I'm doing a football camp with a real good friend of mine, uhhh, ummm, sheet, what is that motherfornicator's name? He went to high school in Houston, do you know who I'm talking about?"
Me: "Uh, what team does he play for?"
LT: "I don't know, I don't watch that much football."
Me: "OK, what position does he play?"
LT: "Defense."
Me: "Yeah, I don't know, it's no big deal, anyway. .."
LT: "Fornicate! Why can't I think of his motherfornicating name! Fornicate me! It's Cory! Fornicate, what is Cory's last name! Cory Raven! Yeah, I'm doing a football camp for this guy Cory Raven, he's from Houston."
Me (thinking internally that I've definitely never heard of a football player named Cory Raven)
Me: "Are you talking about Cory Redding?"
LT: "Yeah, that's that motherfornicater!"
Me: "Cool, well thanks for your time."
Mark (my coworker, extending his hand to LT): "Mr. Taylor, thanks for taking the time. I grew up cheering for the Redskins, we didn't like you very much, but it was amazing watching you play in the 80s."
LT: "You're a Redskins fan! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, ya'll were the biggest bunch of kittycat sore-ass motherfornicating losers I ever seen in my entire life. Get the fornicate outta here! Fornicating Redskin motherfornicator trying to come talk to me when I'm playing golf!"


bonfarr
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AG
This sounds about right, a friend of mine was seated across the aisle from LT on a flight back from Vegas and he politely asked for a picture and LT told him "I'm just on here trying to make a mother bleeping flight man" and brushed him off.
Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post reflect the opinions of Texags user bonfarr and are not to be accepted as facts or to be accepted at face value.
Trucker 96
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I might motherfornicate you a lot too if you interrupted my round of golf for something that could wait until I'm done
PooDoo
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AG
Next time, bring some Scotch.
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