Kids in church

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1st Generation Ag
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7:36a, 9/22/21
Howdy Religious & Philosophical Ags.

I'm in a situation where it would be beneficial to take my kids into Sunday morning church service, but I don't know how. My church has had two shutdowns in the last year because of COVID. We are just now emerging from the second shutdown, but it is only a partial return to service; masks are required (though that is not enforced) and there are no kids services. Children are normally kept in separate rooms with teachers/caretakers while the adults are in worship service (it's Baptist, in case you couldn't tell). The kids' areas are shut down due to a lack of available volunteers.

That means either I or the wife have to stay home with the kids on Sunday. The obvious solution is for both of us to go and bring the kids along. That's what I would prefer; that's how my church did it growing up, and how most churches around the world still do it. However, I'm afraid that my kids, age 4 and 1, will be too disruptive. I've never tried to make my 1yo stay quiet for an hour, except for napping. Those of you Ags who bring your kids of all ages to worship service, how do you go about it? How do you worship with your family without disrupting worship for your fellow Christians?

Thanks in advance.
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dermdoc
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In reply to 1st Generation Ag • 7:39a, 9/22/21
AG
I think in this instance on line church seems reasonable. I prefer the family to experience worship together and actually do not get near as much out of church when I go alone.
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PacifistAg
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In reply to 1st Generation Ag • 7:52a, 9/22/21
AG
I'm a big fan of kids being in church, disruptions and all.

That said, if there's no children services for a lack of volunteers, couldn't y'all volunteer?
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Pro Sandy
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7:56a, 9/22/21
AG
Quote:
However, I'm afraid that my kids, age 4 and 1, will be too disruptive.
Disciples worried about the same thing, but Jesus said "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." I mean that solely to say that busy children in church is a good thing.

I think we should have our children with us in big church instead of kids church. They are members of the kingdom like us and it helps them understand that going is important, even if they don't understand everything or can focus for a full hour.

Things we do, as some of mine still struggle with our hour and a half service... My wife keeps markers in her purse for him to color with. I'll come up with things for them to do with the bulletin, such as fill in the O's or underline God and Jesus. The 4 year old should be able to do those. The 1 year old, if the church has a cry room, they can be used when needed, but I've spent many Sundays rocking a baby in the narthex while listening over the speaker. If your church doesn't pipe the service into another room like that, work with them to do so.

I think being physically present as much as we can is important. Church includes gathering together. If people in the congregation have problem with children being too busy, that's their problem.
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1st Generation Ag
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In reply to PacifistAg • 8:16a, 9/22/21
We are both on the volunteer list.
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craigernaught
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8:25a, 9/22/21
AG
Congregations with crying babies and loud children are congregations with a future.

I don't know how you should handle Covid, other than the obvious, general precautions, but bring the kids, let them be kids, if the little ones freaks out, pick them up carry them to the back or out, calm them down, and bring them back in. If they're just being normal kids, don't worry about it. Jesus don't mind.
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AGC
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8:25a, 9/22/21
AG
It will likely be hard in an evangelical church. We had that issue last August.

My family switched to Reformed Episcopalian almost a year ago and participation of our children was a large part. There is constant movement - sitting, kneeling, standing, and genuflecting. Being liturgical we say the same prayers each Sunday, sing the creed, doxology, etc. so the kids know what to say after only a few Sundays. Kids who grow up in the church don't struggle with needing markers and coloring books. Instead of expecting to be entertained due to boredom they see participation as part of their normal experience. Your kids are young enough to make a switch, should you desire it, and accept it pretty quickly.

Edit: you can also form rhythms at home that prepare them to be more still. We read as a family with my elementary schoolers for 20-40 minutes per night (bible story or passage, a Grimm or Russian fairytale, and then a curated book like wingfeather or the chronicles of narnia) so I think mine are more equipped than others.
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Frok
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8:40a, 9/22/21
AG
Children's church is one of the biggest blessings I get on a Sunday morning. They do an activity that allows them to learn about God and I'm able to actually pay attention to the service.

Last year during Covid that wasn't an option, I watched many sermons from the foyer because my 3 year old couldn't sit still or stop talking. Most understood but I got some comments from older folks about my ability to parent.

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PacifistAg
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In reply to craigernaught • 8:54a, 9/22/21
AG
craigernaught said:
Congregations with crying babies and loud children are congregations with a future.

I don't know how you should handle Covid, other than the obvious, general precautions, but bring the kids, let them be kids, if the little ones freaks out, pick them up carry them to the back or out, calm them down, and bring them back in. If they're just being normal kids, don't worry about it. Jesus don't mind.
This. My wife and I were discussing this on the drive to work. As she pointed out, if a kid was being a kid during the Sermon on the Mount, I don't think Jesus would have minded at all. In fact, I think he would have been amazingly compassionate and even picked up the kid while teaching. We get so fixated on being prim and proper that we become blind to the beauty in realness, especially childlike realness.
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powerbelly
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8:55a, 9/22/21
AG
My kids come to service with us (age 4 and 2) and we sit in the back. The earlier they start attending the better they get at sitting quietly IMO.
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AGC
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In reply to craigernaught • 9:08a, 9/22/21
AG
craigernaught said:
Congregations with crying babies and loud children are congregations with a future.

I don't know how you should handle Covid, other than the obvious, general precautions, but bring the kids, let them be kids, if the little ones freaks out, pick them up carry them to the back or out, calm them down, and bring them back in. If they're just being normal kids, don't worry about it. Jesus don't mind.


I'd add to this: I'm amazed by how much my youngest absorbs despite squirming all the time or standing instead of sitting and moving about. She can re-tell most stories and add a little insight and she's just entering elementary age.
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Martin Q. Blank
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9:31a, 9/22/21
Agree with the above that children should be welcome to the worship service. In addition to the activities mentioned above for the 4 year old, can you time the 1 year old's nap to the service time?
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RebelE Infantry
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In reply to 1st Generation Ag • 10:06a, 9/22/21
AG
>Become Catholic.
>Find traditional parish.
>Go there.
>Mass is packed full of kids.
>??????
>Profit!
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1st Generation Ag
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In reply to RebelE Infantry • 10:16a, 9/22/21
RebelE Infantry said:
>Become Catholic.
>Find traditional parish.
>Go there.
>Mass is packed full of kids.
>??????
>Profit!
If you take your kids to Mass, I'm interested in hearing how you handle them too.
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RebelE Infantry
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In reply to 1st Generation Ag • 10:26a, 9/22/21
AG
It's a struggle sometimes for sure. Ours are nearly 4 and 2.

When they're infants we just let them sleep or hold them. As they get older they get a book and a soft rosary. They goal is keep them quiet. As they get to 3-4 then the focus is getting them to sit still, pay attention, pray along, and try to explain the parts of the Mass to them. Some days are better than others and we've recently found that keeping them separate makes a big difference. But sometimes the little one is just too wild and needs to be taken to the back.

The good thing about traditional Catholic parishes is there's plenty of other parents dealing with wiggly kids too haha.
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Zobel
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In reply to 1st Generation Ag • 11:10a, 9/22/21
AG
I echo RebelE, except Orthodox. My parish has a *ton* of kids, and they're all in there, and it's flipping amazing. I love it. Somehow frequently sitting closer to the front tends to go better - they can see and hear instead of just a big person's backside in front of them.

For the little littles, just hold them. Toddlers get to walk around a bit (we don't have pews) or just stay near our feet. Once they start talking, spend time teaching them about the service. Whispered questions are ok. If they start to fuss, take them out, bring them back. We have special kids "church books" that they only "get" to read during church if they need something to do.

Daily scripture time at home and evening prayers before bed teach them that there are times when they need to be quiet and still.

There is something wonderful about children worshipping with their family and community, and seeing the littles praying, singing, taking communion, makes my heart fill to bursting.

Once the family was talking about the gods of the nations after reading scripture and <2 year old burst out "gods? too many gods, one God" holding up one finger. At that time counting was "one, two, too many" but part of me wonders if that wasn't just hearing the creed every day. They pick up a LOT.
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dermdoc
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11:21a, 9/22/21
AG
After reading all of y'all's post I agree to take the kids with you. Already have taken my two year old grandson a couple of times but the Children's area was open.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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Frok
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11:52a, 9/22/21
AG
One of the highest pressure moments in parenting you can have is when your child has a tantrum while you are sitting on the front row at church. The entire congregation, pastor, and God are all watching you to see how you resolve the situation.

And I hear people saying they love the sound of children in church. They are liars. I've seen your faces, you want me to shut that kid up as fast as humanly possible.



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BlackGoldAg2011
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12:28p, 9/22/21
AG
My wife and I have 3 kids (5, 3 and almost 1) and over the last year have taken them into main service with us in various combinations from all of them to just 1. As a general rule, they all do pretty well during all of the songs and prayers, basically the parts that they can interact with and be a part of. They struggle during the sermons though, 30 minutes is a long time for the 3 year old to be quiet. Here are the various strategies we have used to help:
  • If your church will allow it, snacks are your friend.
  • We sit out of the middle, and preferably towards the back so when the 3 year old gets restless he has some room to move around without disturbing others.
  • Sit somewhere that allows an easy and quick exit if a kid melts down. While most don't mind the sound of children, a full on temper tantrum is quite distracting.
  • We bring some good snacks that don't make a big mess to strategically offer as we see boredom setting in.
  • Each of the bigger two got to bring their back pack with a book and some crayons to color with
  • This is easiest with the oldest, but using the elements of the service as teaching moments about our faith have been awesome.
  • We take turns being fully responsible for all of the kids one at a time wherever possible, so each parent gets a chance to truly sit and focus on listening to the sermon. Our worst experiences were when we didn't/couldn't do this and neither of us heard a word of the sermon.
  • Now that we are down to just the youngest in with us during main service, we are going at 5pm when she wants to eat, so as soon as the sermon starts, i lay out a blanket behind the last row, and pull out her dinner and let her eat her dinner during the sermon which usually takes just the right amount of time so that as she finishes, the band comes back on stage.
  • Did i mention that snacks can be helpful?

While now that most of our children's programming is coming back church service is far less stressful, there are times I miss having the older two kids with us. The times that went poorly did admittedly make me question why we even bothered to come, the times that went well are some of my all time favorite worship experiences.
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Serotonin
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In reply to Zobel • 1:17p, 9/22/21
AG
Yeah, one of the things I really liked about the Orthodox Church was that you have one service and everyone goes to it. No alternate liturgy times, no service for teens and young adults, no class for kids during service. Babies to elderly are there to participate in the Eucharist.

Having said that, when I was Protestant I went to churches with long sermons and could completely see the need for Sunday school in that setting. If the main point of the service was the sermon and learning about God then it makes sense to send young kids to a setting where they can do that on their intellectual level. No way they can understand a 40 minute expository sermon on Romans 9 at the age of four.
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SoulSlaveAG2005
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8:26p, 9/22/21
AG
Catholic here.
5 kids
7,5,3,2(ish) and 2 week old.


Every Sunday is a challenge. Some times they do well. Sometimes they fail and Sometimes I fail and get angry.

However, they are picking up on things. My 7 year old want to receive communion. So I'm spending a lot of time talking with him about what's going on, and how his behavior at everywhere and especially at Mass determines whether he can receive it in the future. He is catching on.

5 year old can behave, when she wants to. She has a strong head on her shoulders and will disrupt for the sake of attention. But when she is behaving she is an angel. The 3 year old is content to color, and the 2 year old is a handful. Baby just made her first mass sunday. She slept in her carrier the entire time.

Take them with you, and anyone who complains, ignore them. Let the kids come to Jesus
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RebelE Infantry
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In reply to SoulSlaveAG2005 • 8:30p, 9/22/21
AG
SoulSlaveAG2005 said:
Catholic here.
5 kids
7,5,3,2(ish) and 2 week old.


Every Sunday is a challenge. Some times they do well. Sometimes they fail and Sometimes I fail and get angry.

However, they are picking up on things. My 7 year old want to receive communion. So I'm spending a lot of time talking with him about what's going on, and how his behavior at everywhere and especially at Mass determines whether he can receive it in the future. He is catching on.

5 year old can behave, when she wants to. She has a strong head on her shoulders and will disrupt for the sake of attention. But when she is behaving she is an angel. The 3 year old is content to color, and the 2 year old is a handful. Baby just made her first mass sunday. She slept in her carrier the entire time.

Take them with you, and anyone who complains, ignore them. Let the kids come to Jesus


If your parish isn't crying, it's dying.

Also congrats on the new one!
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10andBOUNCE
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7:25a, 9/23/21
AG
I come in peace with Piper's opinion. But I think it's a great one.
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/should-children-sit-through-big-church
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SoulSlaveAG2005
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In reply to RebelE Infantry • 7:30a, 9/23/21
AG
Thank you.

I am always amazed at the families that can keep their kids in perfect unison/behavior. 747's kids always seemed well behaved when he had just 5 or 6 and I was on #2. And couldn't get any control. But with time, they are doing better. Some if it is probably genes too. I can barely sit still anywhere, and had trouble growing up as well, so I can't be too harsh on them.
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1st Generation Ag
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In reply to SoulSlaveAG2005 • 9:25a, 9/23/21
SoulSlaveAG2005 said:
Catholic here.
5 kids
7,5,3,2(ish) and 2 week old.


Every Sunday is a challenge. Some times they do well. Sometimes they fail and Sometimes I fail and get angry.

However, they are picking up on things. My 7 year old want to receive communion. So I'm spending a lot of time talking with him about what's going on, and how his behavior at everywhere and especially at Mass determines whether he can receive it in the future. He is catching on.

5 year old can behave, when she wants to. She has a strong head on her shoulders and will disrupt for the sake of attention. But when she is behaving she is an angel. The 3 year old is content to color, and the 2 year old is a handful. Baby just made her first mass sunday. She slept in her carrier the entire time.

Take them with you, and anyone who complains, ignore them. Let the kids come to Jesus
Congrats on the new baby.
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SoulSlaveAG2005
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In reply to 1st Generation Ag • 1:24p, 9/23/21
AG
Thank you
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c-jags
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In reply to PacifistAg • 1:26p, 9/23/21
PacifistAg said:
I'm a big fan of kids being in church, disruptions and all.

That said, if there's no children services for a lack of volunteers, couldn't y'all volunteer?


this.

99% of the populace can handle a rowdy or crying child. i personally chuckle when i hear it in my church just be cause i had an absolute monster of a toddler who hated sitting still for a youngest son and was that parent for a couple of years.

there's definitely times where some kids have been belligerent or inconsolable and nobody is going to begrudge you stepping out to take care of that, but it's better for y'all to be able to be in service and get some nasty eyes from fools than have to continually worship apart.
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fc2112
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1:31p, 9/23/21
Catholic here. Always took our little ones to Mass. Sat on the front row so they could see what was going on. They were generally well behaved.

Of course, being Catholic, lots of bells and smells, so maybe a bit more entertaining.
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fc2112
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1:34p, 9/23/21
BTW - a wise old priest once said "when I hear a baby cry during mass, it means two things - she had the baby and she's still coming to Mass - and those are both good things."
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diehard03
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In reply to AGC • 2:20p, 9/23/21
Quote:
It will likely be hard in an evangelical church. We had that issue last August.

I agree. I do think the "sin" is promoting that a person's experience should be held above all else (ie, we need to create this environment for spirituality or whatever)
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cavscout96
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In reply to SoulSlaveAG2005 • 3:47p, 9/23/21
AG
SoulSlaveAG2005 said:
Take them with you, and anyone who complains, ignore them. Let the kids come to Jesus
This^^^
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swimmerbabe11
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8:15p, 9/23/21
I hate the idea of children's church. I have no kids. I love seeing families with their little ones in church and love seeing them learn. (although sometimes it does make me green with envy) children learn by seeing their parents and adults and they start at birth. bring your kids!! if you need someone to help with them, come to my church in Houston, I'd love to be babysitter in the pews.
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swimmerbabe11
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8:17p, 9/23/21
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Iowaggie
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In reply to cavscout96 • 3:17p, 9/24/21
AG
cavscout96 said:
SoulSlaveAG2005 said:
Take them with you, and anyone who complains, ignore them. Let the kids come to Jesus
This^^^

I think this is too big of a sweeping statement. I do think if Jesus comes to visit anyone's town, you should take your kids with you to see Him. But that usually isn't the case, nor the culture we live in. I also think we should bring our children to meet the preacher, but that's not the same as sitting in church for a sermon.

If one's child is distracting the parent, or the people behind them, and there are other options, you should consider the "weaker brethren" (Romans 14) who might be distracted when your child turns around and stares at them during the service or is crying for 15 minutes.


I also want to ask people why taking your child to an adult service is coming to Jesus, but taking them to a kids service or class is not bringing them to Jesus?
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PacifistAg
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In reply to Iowaggie • 3:25p, 9/24/21
AG
Iowaggie said:
cavscout96 said:
SoulSlaveAG2005 said:
Take them with you, and anyone who complains, ignore them. Let the kids come to Jesus
This^^^

I think this is too big of a sweeping statement. I do think if Jesus comes to visit anyone's town, you should take your kids with you to see Him. But that usually isn't the case, nor the culture we live in. I also think we should bring our children to meet the preacher, but that's not the same as sitting in church for a sermon.

If one's child is distracting the parent, or the people behind them, and there are other options, you should consider the "weaker brethren" (Romans 14) who might be distracted when your child turns around and stares at them during the service or is crying for 15 minutes.


I also want to ask people why taking your child to an adult service is coming to Jesus, but taking them to a kids service or class is not bringing them to Jesus?
Okay, I believe this is the first time I've ever heard Romans 14 used to justify not bringing children to adult services. I think it's a completely wrong application of those verses.

Age-segregated services seem to be a fairly recent phenomenon within church history (post-Reformation at least).
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