3 free passes for couples

2,117 Views | 14 Replies | Last: 3 yr ago by Solo Tetherball Champ
Thomas Sowell, PhD
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2:23a, 4/24/20
AG
Serious question
Would you and your significant other be okay discussing what 3 people you'd hook up with if you got a free pass? Fantasy talk of course.
Would it not be potentially hurtful and disrespectful?

I think many couples would think it fine and hip but I seriously think it's dangerous territory. Guys can discuss over beers but I think it's both disrespectful and potentially hurtful and DANGEROUS to say the names in front of your significant other. Am I just too fundamental? Is my view too extreme? Prude?
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Martin Q. Blank
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7:57a, 4/24/20
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diehard03
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8:00a, 4/24/20
the root of it is that you'd sleep with someone in a heartbeat if there was no stigma attached to it.

Sure, its' one thing to name celebrities and another to say people yall know. However, the whole thing is counter to how a marriage should be so there's no redeeming value to it.

I look at it less like it's rude to the other person and more what values the activity says I have.
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PacifistAg
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In reply to Thomas Sowell, PhD • 8:07a, 4/24/20
AG
Well, first, I think it's disrespectful for a guy to talk about who he'd hook up with while drinking beers with his buddies. Sure, their wife may not hear it, but it's disrespectful nonetheless.

I think in the context of "free passes", my wife and I couldn't have that discussion. First, their are no such things as "free passes" when human emotions are involved. And second, why even plant such a dangerous seed into a marriage? These things may seem harmless, but they can start growing out of control very quickly. This reminds me of a tweet I saw recently about a guy who convinced his wife to try an open marriage:

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Star Wars Memes Only
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1:38p, 4/24/20
An ex once told me she'd be cool with a threesome (the good kind). I made the mistake of suggesting someone. She was not, in fact, cool with a threesome.

Lesson learned. I will never discuss others as potential partners with my SO again.
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powerbelly
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1:53p, 4/24/20
AG

Quote:
Would it not be potentially hurtful and disrespectful?

It is both disrespectful and potentially harmful to a marriage.
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brownbrick
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3:33p, 4/24/20
AG
Guessing OP is not really a Doctor or Psychologist? Surely the professional wouldn't be coming to texags for advice.

Answer: yes it should be out of bounds for the reasons already stated.
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Win At Life
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9:16p, 4/24/20
AG
If my wife gave me three free passes to hook up, my answer would be zero, because it's not my wife's decision to make; I answer to a higher authority.
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TexAgs1992
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In reply to Win At Life • 7:36a, 4/27/20
Win At Life said:
If my wife gave me three free passes to hook up, my answer would be zero, because it's not my wife's decision to make; I answer to a higher authority.
This. Marriage is a covenant. Is it normal for someone to think another man or woman is attractive? Absolutely. Is it ok to lust after that individual and ponder what a "free pass" would look like with them? Absolutely not. You're playing with each other's minds, possibly hurting the other individual, but most importantly, hurting God.
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8:29a, 4/27/20
Thomas Sowell, PhD
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1:00p, 4/27/20
AG
I have worked with couples and this is sort of an informal survey. You get differing opinions as you can see and some see naming even movie stars as both disrespectful and dangerous and some say that is fine. Textbooks don't have all the answers and what people in this geographic area think along the spectrum is informative and can be things for me to consider - perspectives. Personally I wouldn't discuss a fantasy pass even with friends and certainly not with my wife. If forced to say my pass answers I would say 1. [wife's name] 2. [wife's name] and 3. [wife's name]. If people objected I would just say, "She's my biggest star and desire." Avoiding potential disrespect or danger and winning brownie points! I believe you have to consider that marriages are not invincible and guard them and nurture them constantly. I've seen the slippery slope slide marriages down a mountain side. Why go there for a momentary laugh or entertainment?
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Solo Tetherball Champ
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4:42p, 4/27/20
Some of ya'll seem a little high strung.

My wife and I both make jokes about her celebrity "crush" (Ryan Reynolds). We joke because 1) it is not going to happen and 2) she wouldn't even if it were a possibility.

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one MEEN Ag
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In reply to Thomas Sowell, PhD • 10:09p, 4/30/20
AG
There was a radio lab podcast about a psychology professor who was adamant that 'hall passes' can work in a relationship. Lo and behold this wasn't just a research area but he also is married and enjoys having a side piece.

But the podcast went on to basically state the same things said here. It can easily get out of control, it is never harmless, and is usually a great indicator of a future divorce.

Personally I think guys who request a hall pass don't understand the 'sexual marketplace.' There is near insatiable demand from men for sex with women. Women on the other hand, in general, want other things more than just sex- like a relationship or stability. So women, if they're attractive and wanting casual sex fair a thousand times better than men in these arrangements as there's always another guy willing to have casual sex.

Look at how that poor shmuck talks about in that story, he had to go out and try to form relationships first and that was just fizzling out. All she had to do was pick up her phone and swipe right to her long list of suitors.

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chimpanzee
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10:21a, 5/1/20
Infidelity in general seems like one of those things that fantasy and inebriation help you overlook the problematic aspects altogether.

If you take the "men and women are after different things" approach via an intimate relationship, would the equivalent of a man having sex outside of marriage be a woman finding a man that would give her attention, time, resources, etc. Imagine how a stereotypical man would react to his wife driving a new luxury car, wearing jewelry, and going on lavish vacations that some other dude bought for her when he couldn't afford it himself. If a married man hooks up with a younger woman, that's perhaps somewhat more analogous.
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JoeAggie5
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12:53p, 5/1/20
the closest we got to that conversation was my wife said "if i die, I think you should marry Jane" I replied, "whatever you think".

Jane has since married so I guess I have to wait for my wife to find someone else for me.
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Solo Tetherball Champ
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In reply to one MEEN Ag • 12:57p, 5/3/20
one MEEN Ag said:
There was a radio lab podcast about a psychology professor who was adamant that 'hall passes' can work in a relationship. Lo and behold this wasn't just a research area but he also is married and enjoys having a side piece.

But the podcast went on to basically state the same things said here. It can easily get out of control, it is never harmless, and is usually a great indicator of a future divorce.

Personally I think guys who request a hall pass don't understand the 'sexual marketplace.' There is near insatiable demand from men for sex with women. Women on the other hand, in general, want other things more than just sex- like a relationship or stability. So women, if they're attractive and wanting casual sex fair a thousand times better than men in these arrangements as there's always another guy willing to have casual sex.

Look at how that poor shmuck talks about in that story, he had to go out and try to form relationships first and that was just fizzling out. All she had to do was pick up her phone and swipe right to her long list of suitors.


If a woman wants to have sex she can walk into a bar, or even a parking lot at the shopping mall and yell "I want to have sex right now" and a line of willing partners will form.

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