Suicide and answers

2,837 Views | 29 Replies | Last: 4 yr ago by wreckingcrew44
wreckingcrew44
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Guys I just found out one of the kindest, gentle , genuine just all around great guy committed suicide. I'm lost. He truly was a guy no one could find a reason not to like. He left behind twin 13 yr old girls and a Sr. at Tech. We are all affected by this at some point in our lives. What could I have seen that could have possibly had him alive today? I'm completely heartbroken
wreckingcrew44
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And I'm afraid since he took his own life he won't be in heaven. I'm lost, mad, blaming him for his selfishness. I could never leave my kids and wife like that. Ugh
craigernaught
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I'm very sorry. I can't imagine what his family, especially his children, are going through. Terrible.

Sometimes we want to make assumptions about who goes to heaven or who is saved. Those decisions belong to God, but I believe that the god who is judge is the god who dies for us while we were sinners. This is a God who loves us in our brokenness and seeks us out when we are lost. This should give us hope, even for people so lost and in so much pain that they would take their own life. We don't always have answers, but we always have hope.

You can't see everything in everyone my friend. Perhaps we should pay more attention to our friends and family. Perhaps we should spend more time on that which matters instead of that which does not. Maybe you should focus on that now with his family and friends who are struggling- but I suspect that you know what is best rather than someone like me. I pray for God's grace, and hope you know that grace also extends to you, him, and his family.
dermdoc
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Craigernaught said it much better than I can. Remember that God loves us all so much that while we were sinners, He sent His only son to die for us. I believe God weeps when any of his beloved die just like Jesus wept over Lazarus. Also remember with God all things are possible.

Prayers for peace and God's healing love.
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jkag89
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From the Catechism of the Catholic Church
Quote:

2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.

2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal. Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.
Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.

2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.

2325 Suicide is seriously contrary to justice, hope, and charity. It is forbidden by the fifth commandment.
P.C. Principal
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wreckingcrew44 said:

And I'm afraid since he took his own life he won't be in heaven. I'm lost, mad, blaming him for his selfishness. I could never leave my kids and wife like that. Ugh
I'm no longer religious, but I remember contemplating this when I was--there is nothing in the Bible that states or implies that someone who commits suicide goes to hell. If I'm wrong, please tell me. I remember hearing that a lot growing up and it really bothered me. Especially because when I was in high school I knew a kid who committed suicide at only 12 years old... so sad.

Regarding your last statement, yes it is unfathomable to most of us how anyone could so violently leave one's own family in the worst possible way. Shouldering them with horrible grief for years to come. One thing to keep in mind is suicidal people do not think that way. It's not because they are inconsiderate, but because they are feeling such great pain that they've lost the will to go on any further. Suicidal people are mentally unwell. What's so heartbreaking is that for many of them, you would never know just by speaking to them. This makes it hard for those of us who genuinely want to help them. I think the thing to remember here is to love everyone and help the fallen, you never know what someone's going through.
PacifistAg
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Quote:

Guys I just found out one of the kindest, gentle , genuine just all around great guy committed suicide. I'm lost. He truly was a guy no one could find a reason not to like. He left behind twin 13 yr old girls and a Sr. at Tech. We are all affected by this at some point in our lives. What could I have seen that could have possibly had him alive today? I'm completely heartbroken
First, I'm so sorry for you and his family. I know the grief all too well, as I've lost two very close friends to suicide. In my experience, the answer to your question is "nothing". Often those suffering from depression are able to put on a front that keeps the darkness hidden from others. As someone who has long battled chronic depression and suicidal ideation, I did everything I could to keep others from knowing. Why? Because I felt that by letting them in to that darkness with me, I was only further adding a burden on them and that I was an annoyance to them.

Quote:

And I'm afraid since he took his own life he won't be in heaven. I'm lost, mad, blaming him for his selfishness. I could never leave my kids and wife like that. Ugh
There are a couple things I want to address here. First, suicide does not mean one "won't be in heaven". I believe that's a dangerous teaching that only adds to the immense mental anguish those struggling with depression go through. In fact, I believe the opposite. I believe that the Father was anguished over the fact that His beloved children were in so much pain that they took their life. Imagine the kind of pain that causes one to go that course. It's beyond crushing. I think it pains God for those His Son died to free truly believe they are unloved.

And please don't label this as "selfish". It's anything but. Yes, to those left behind and grasping for answers, it can appear selfish, but to those of us who have stood at that ledge (whether we took the leap over or not), it's the most selfless thing we can do. It is sacrificing ourselves to free your loved ones of the burden of you. That's what was always going through my mind. "This will make everyone better in the long run". "Sometimes the most loving thing is to let them go". To those of us at that ledge, suicide is the most rational and selfless thing we can do. Try to understand it from our perspective. Does it minimize the pain? Of course not. Only time and God will do that. I still cry when I think of my friend Will. I just went up to see his wife and two children on the 2 yr anniversary of him taking his life. The pain doesn't go away, it just becomes less persistent.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a crushing feeling that you are going through right now, and I honestly wish I could just be there, wherever you are, to hug you. I know that I made it through Ricky and Will's deaths by leaving a lot of shoulders soaked with tears. Love you.
Zobel
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Prayers for him and his family, and you and his friends. Lord have mercy.
Aggrad08
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I've experienced a suicide attempt in my family. They survived, and I remember how angry I got at the selfishness of the act. I was still in college and a church goer but doubts were there already. Our neighbor, a Methodist minister reminded my brothers and I that this anger is misplaced. Don't look at it as this dispassionate rational decision, that's rarely the case, but as someone suffering horribly, so bereaved that death sounds better than life thinking that their own death would be a generally good thing. Don't hate them for that, it's something to mourn not rage at. Love their family, they are suffering one of the deep pains of their life.
Martin Q. Blank
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I'm sorry to hear about this. Was this a close friend? In general we are to "encourage one another and build one another up" in the "hope of salvation", but certainly can't be intimately involved in every person's life to the level of anticipating suicide. I suspect not even his wife and children knew, but maybe not. I'm sure they're questioning the same thing, but with 1000 times more burden.
wreckingcrew44
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Aggrad08 said:

I've experienced a suicide attempt in my family. They survived, and I remember how angry I got at the selfishness of the act. I was still in college and a church goer but doubts were there already. Our neighbor, a Methodist minister reminded my brothers and I that this anger is misplaced. Don't look at it as this dispassionate rational decision, that's rarely the case, but as someone suffering horribly, so bereaved that death sounds better than life thinking that their own death would be a generally good thing. Don't hate them for that, it's something to mourn not rage at. Love their family, they are suffering one of the deep pains of their life.


Thank you all who took the time to answer this thread. All the replies brought me some comfort.
My friend became my friend because he was the husband of my old secretary. I have met thousands upon thousands of people and formed great relationships over periods of time with them. I'm not a bad person, but I could always be a better person. The moment this man touched me he made an impact on my life. I walked away thinking, man if I could just have a little of what makes him tick I'd be a better person. He made me want to be a better person. I've lost many friends and family over the years. I've only cried for two. My adoptive mother who raised me from 11 months old, and this man.
Maybe I'm not smart enough to formulate the words, hell maybe I'll never find the word to describe the spirit this man had. We all say it....never in a million years would I think he'd do something like this. Yet here I am, in disbelief. Well, I'm off today so I'm going to his home, and doing yard work all day. I felt like offering my services and mentoring his son is my calling to help this family.
If you are a spiritual person please pray for this family and even if you're not positive vibes please.
Thank you my Texags family.
schmendeler
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wreckingcrew44 said:

Aggrad08 said:

I've experienced a suicide attempt in my family. They survived, and I remember how angry I got at the selfishness of the act. I was still in college and a church goer but doubts were there already. Our neighbor, a Methodist minister reminded my brothers and I that this anger is misplaced. Don't look at it as this dispassionate rational decision, that's rarely the case, but as someone suffering horribly, so bereaved that death sounds better than life thinking that their own death would be a generally good thing. Don't hate them for that, it's something to mourn not rage at. Love their family, they are suffering one of the deep pains of their life.


Thank you all who took the time to answer this thread. All the replies brought me some comfort.
My friend became my friend because he was the husband of my old secretary. I have met thousands upon thousands of people and formed great relationships over periods of time with them. I'm not a bad person, but I could always be a better person. The moment this man touched me he made an impact on my life. I walked away thinking, man if I could just have a little of what makes him tick I'd be a better person. He made me want to be a better person. I've lost many friends and family over the years. I've only cried for two. My adoptive mother who raised me from 11 months old, and this man.
Maybe I'm not smart enough to formulate the words, hell maybe I'll never find the word to describe the spirit this man had. We all say it....never in a million years would I think he'd do something like this. Yet here I am, in disbelief. Well, I'm off today so I'm going to his home, and doing yard work all day. I felt like offering my services and mentoring his son is my calling to help this family.
If you are a spiritual person please pray for this family and even if you're not positive vibes please.
Thank you my Texags family.
I can tell you that I bet his family would love to hear those kind words about him.
dermdoc
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schmendeler said:

wreckingcrew44 said:

Aggrad08 said:

I've experienced a suicide attempt in my family. They survived, and I remember how angry I got at the selfishness of the act. I was still in college and a church goer but doubts were there already. Our neighbor, a Methodist minister reminded my brothers and I that this anger is misplaced. Don't look at it as this dispassionate rational decision, that's rarely the case, but as someone suffering horribly, so bereaved that death sounds better than life thinking that their own death would be a generally good thing. Don't hate them for that, it's something to mourn not rage at. Love their family, they are suffering one of the deep pains of their life.


Thank you all who took the time to answer this thread. All the replies brought me some comfort.
My friend became my friend because he was the husband of my old secretary. I have met thousands upon thousands of people and formed great relationships over periods of time with them. I'm not a bad person, but I could always be a better person. The moment this man touched me he made an impact on my life. I walked away thinking, man if I could just have a little of what makes him tick I'd be a better person. He made me want to be a better person. I've lost many friends and family over the years. I've only cried for two. My adoptive mother who raised me from 11 months old, and this man.
Maybe I'm not smart enough to formulate the words, hell maybe I'll never find the word to describe the spirit this man had. We all say it....never in a million years would I think he'd do something like this. Yet here I am, in disbelief. Well, I'm off today so I'm going to his home, and doing yard work all day. I felt like offering my services and mentoring his son is my calling to help this family.
If you are a spiritual person please pray for this family and even if you're not positive vibes please.
Thank you my Texags family.
I can tell you that I bet his family would love to hear those kind words about him.


Agree
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
PacifistAg
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schmendeler said:

wreckingcrew44 said:

Aggrad08 said:

I've experienced a suicide attempt in my family. They survived, and I remember how angry I got at the selfishness of the act. I was still in college and a church goer but doubts were there already. Our neighbor, a Methodist minister reminded my brothers and I that this anger is misplaced. Don't look at it as this dispassionate rational decision, that's rarely the case, but as someone suffering horribly, so bereaved that death sounds better than life thinking that their own death would be a generally good thing. Don't hate them for that, it's something to mourn not rage at. Love their family, they are suffering one of the deep pains of their life.


Thank you all who took the time to answer this thread. All the replies brought me some comfort.
My friend became my friend because he was the husband of my old secretary. I have met thousands upon thousands of people and formed great relationships over periods of time with them. I'm not a bad person, but I could always be a better person. The moment this man touched me he made an impact on my life. I walked away thinking, man if I could just have a little of what makes him tick I'd be a better person. He made me want to be a better person. I've lost many friends and family over the years. I've only cried for two. My adoptive mother who raised me from 11 months old, and this man.
Maybe I'm not smart enough to formulate the words, hell maybe I'll never find the word to describe the spirit this man had. We all say it....never in a million years would I think he'd do something like this. Yet here I am, in disbelief. Well, I'm off today so I'm going to his home, and doing yard work all day. I felt like offering my services and mentoring his son is my calling to help this family.
If you are a spiritual person please pray for this family and even if you're not positive vibes please.
Thank you my Texags family.
I can tell you that I bet his family would love to hear those kind words about him.
Absolutely.
BaitShack
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And the question, what will become of my dog?
Captain Pablo
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wreckingcrew44 said:

And I'm afraid since he took his own life he won't be in heaven. I'm lost, mad, blaming him for his selfishness. I could never leave my kids and wife like that. Ugh


You don't know that

I'm sorry for your loss, but you have no idea what God has in store for this tormented man

In fact, none of us do, but if I were a betting man, and this man is as great as you say he is, there's a place at God's table for him

Prayers for you, him, and his loved ones
Win At Life
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DirtDiver
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Quote:

And I'm afraid since he took his own life he won't be in heaven.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not lose hope as the following is true and there is no biblical basis for the belief above. If any person at any point in their life trust in Jesus then the following is true.

They have passed out of death into life,
They will live even thought they die,
They received the first fruits of the Holy Spirit as a deposit guaranteeing them until the day of redemption.
They are protected from the wrath of God,
They have peace with God.
They were made a new creation.

I'm confident that there will be many believes in Jesus who have suffered greatly in this life. For those, we can rest assured they are suffering no more.

Jesus offers His perfection (righteousness) to be applied to others accounts as an absolute free and irrevocable gift they moment they trust Him for the first time.
LonghornDub
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As people are so different from each other, so are reasons for suicide. There is an old saw that says it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but of course that's not always true. Progressive medical problems involving increasing pain and disabillity are an example. My father (who was and is my idol) committed suicide at 62 in such a situation. I understood. My mother did not. I choose to judge such action charitably knowing I have not walked in their shoes, and reading through the Bible over 20 times has revealed no indication to me that such an act bans God's mercy and grace from that person. I understand the Roman Catholic Church's rationalization for their ruling and can guess their reasons, but I think it's another case of man trying to limit God. Not ever a good idea.
God made the country, and man made the town. William Cowper

wreckingcrew44
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BaitShack said:

And the question, what will become of my dog?

is there a double meaning to this?
wreckingcrew44
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wreckingcrew44
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The boy called me tonight and I'm going to read him these responses. Hopefully they bring him peace
wreckingcrew44
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For those who asked about go fund me.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/brooke-and-paige-clark-support-and-education-fund
BusterAg
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So Kierkegaard goes into judgement a bit. One thing that we have to realize is that we, as humans, are a bit objective. We don't have the brains to understand everything that there is about the universe, so we set up rules to live by and judge things by as a shortcut. Otherwise, we would spend all day long every day contemplating people's histories, motivations, family life and everything else on why they acted the way that they did.

God has no such limitations. He has the power and ability to be perfectly subjective. There are things about him that are absolute and without compromise. But, he has the ability to look at us each fully, not bound by some human made objective rules. This all-powerful, unfathomable, loving being is the judge. Please take some comfort in that.
BusterAg
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This post was beautiful, buddy. Don't quit doing what you do. I would have PM'd you this if you had stars, but I wanted to make sure I didn't let this slide.
BusterAg
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not worth it.
BusterAg
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wreckingcrew44 said:

BaitShack said:

And the question, what will become of my dog?

is there a double meaning to this?
Please ignore this guy.
LonghornDub
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wreckingcrew44 said:

BaitShack said:

And the question, what will become of my dog?

is there a double meaning to this?
Sounds like the dyslexic philosopher who wondered if there was a Dog.
God made the country, and man made the town. William Cowper

Redstone
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My father died in an accident one week after my 16th birthday.

All widows will deal with this in their own way. Get a sense from her, after 1 month or so, of what you can do. This may well include mentoring the young man, who will need it.
BusterAg
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Redstone said:

My father died in an accident one week after my 16th birthday.

All widows will deal with this in their own way. Get a sense from her, after 1 month or so, of what you can do. This may well include mentoring the young man, who will need it.
Here is some actionable advice. Kudos.
wreckingcrew44
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BusterAg said:

wreckingcrew44 said:

BaitShack said:

And the question, what will become of my dog?

is there a double meaning to this?
Please ignore this guy.


Sound advice. Thanks. Still confused on that reply.
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