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What is this evil inside us that demands we tear down our fellows to build ourselves up?

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Tribalism, the unfortunate byproduct of our highly social species.

Sounds like she has some compounding health issues that may exacerbate a naturally small frame, but as I look around me (granted, it's mostly in Houston), over a certain age, there are very few thin people at all in this country (presuming she's American). Mix in all of the nastiness (for women especially) around supposed ideals, marketing, models/Hollywood, and someone like her is a physical outlier in a way that is highly socially relevant.

The rest of what she writes indicates that she's grounded in what matters, which is good, but it sounds like it still bothers her.

Of course it is bothersome.

And come on.. very few thin people?

I work in a job where I am constantly telling women that they are beautiful and helping them learn how to flatter their figure. The girls who weigh 90 pounds soaking wet are just as insecure (if not more) than the ladies who are plus sized.

I'm not petite, but I don't weigh much anymore and full figured brides are quick to make comments about how I wouldn't understand or how skinny I am. There is no wierdness about making a thinly veiled "do you eat" comment towards someone who is small..as though it must be something wrong with their health/lifestyle (with no compassion for the idea that if there is..it is none of their damn business to comment on)

I really want to run a report on avg dress size sold now...but we certainly don't sell as many plus size gowns as we do size 8s. I personally probably see twice as many size 4s as 22s.

swimmerbabe11 said:

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Of course it is bothersome.

And come on.. very few thin people?

I work in a job where I am constantly telling women that they are beautiful and helping them learn how to flatter their figure. The girls who weigh 90 pounds soaking wet are just as insecure (if not more) than the ladies who are plus sized.

I'm not petite, but I don't weigh much anymore and full figured brides are quick to make comments about how I wouldn't understand or how skinny I am. There is no wierdness about making a thinly veiled "do you eat" comment towards someone who is small..as though it must be something wrong with their health/lifestyle (with no compassion for the idea that if their is..it is none of their damn business to comment on)

I really want to run a report on avg dress size sold now...but we certainly don't sell as many plus size gowns as we do size 8s. I personally probably see twice as many size 4s as 22s.

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My view is likely distorted, I work surrounded by desk bound people that are mostly 35 and older. My guess of the median age of the people I see every day is probably ~45, put that demographic in the midst of one of the the least health conscious and most sedentary cities in America and I'm obviously not seeing what you see every day.

Also, I don't mean to conflate "thin" with "healthy" or "not overweight", just emphasizing the relative difference between those that are now more significantly smaller than an increased average/median size. Naturally small people are more of an out group than they used to be and people feel more comfortable saying not-so-nice things about out groups. The bolded part of your reply makes my point better than I did. I think there is an inherent weirdness making thinly veiled comments about others' appearance, whether or not people seem to be comfortable doing it, but then again people probably think I'm weird. Passive-aggressiveness is a borderline intolerable trait for me.

I like data way too much, looking at clothing sizes over time would be interesting. I guess I am weird.

swimmerbabe11 said:

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There is no wierdness about making a thinly veiled "do you eat" comment towards someone who is small..as though it must be something wrong with their health/lifestyle (with no compassion for the idea that if their is..it is none of their damn business to comment on)

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this. as a dude who is 6' 3" and didn't break 150 until after college and even now hover around 160 I can relate somewhat as well. while i personally do not deal with many insecurity issues, I get the "you need to eat" "jokes" enough that I can somewhat imagine how awful it must be if there were insecurity issues on top of it. It continues to baffle me the things people will say to strangers and acquaintances. Much like after struggling through infertility with my wife, I will never ask a couple when they plan to have kids and definitely will not joke about how they just get to sleep in on Saturdays. You really never know what someone is struggling with privately, and to me, these type of things in my opinion are part of why we are told to be slow to speak. You just don't know.

For sure

I'm not insecure about my size by any means, but I definitely know girls who drink ensure to keep weight on and who hate that derisive "you don't get it, you're tiny" "do you even eat" (esp when some of the peopleI know who eat the most are the smallest) . I went from 160 to 120 and it's crazy how much differently I am treated by people, especially women who offhandedly make comments about it, even not at work.

It's amazing to me that the nurses in this situation were so dense as to say those sorts of things while she was waking up. They wouldn't if she were obese or a minority or ..something they considered offensive

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the occasional kidding (but not really), "I hate you

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swimmerbabe11 said:

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Of course it is bothersome.

And come on.. very few thin people?

I work in a job where I am constantly telling women that they are beautiful and helping them learn how to flatter their figure. The girls who weigh 90 pounds soaking wet are just as insecure (if not more) than the ladies who are plus sized.

I'm not petite, but I don't weigh much anymore and full figured brides are quick to make comments about how I wouldn't understand or how skinny I am. There is no wierdness about making a thinly veiled "do you eat" comment towards someone who is small..as though it must be something wrong with their health/lifestyle (with no compassion for the idea that if there is..it is none of their damn business to comment on)

I really want to run a report on avg dress size sold now...but we certainly don't sell as many plus size gowns as we do size 8s. I personally probably see twice as many size 4s as 22s.

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that's because they are not yet married.

if you worked selling clothing to women who were married your statistics would be very different.

there is a distinct difference between the girls in my highschool class who have been married for 5+ years and those who have not.

that being said i am very glad that i avoided two very distinct fat bombs in my life.

meh. women are mean to other women just for the sake of being mean. this whole thing about taking offense when your weight is commented on is just silly and shows a complete lack of fortitude.

sure its rude to observe aloud when someone is skinny or overweight. but if your sense of self worth and value is tied up so strongly in your own vanity and appearance that such an observation would tear you to emotional shreds I would say this:

get your priorities straight. your worth is not tied to your dress size. you can reject the judgments of the media and the rest of the world if you truly know whay your value is.

furthermore, if you value yourselves you will take care of your bodies. there is a difference between being overweight and obese. if you are obese you are NOT healthy. no you don't have to have a thigh gap to be healthy but you show the world how much you value yourself by how you take care of yourself. if you value yourself 1) the opinion of the world won't matter and 2) other people will value you because you will demand it of them and you will not suffer other people to devalue you based on some arbitrary character trait such as your dress size.

There are very few actual medical conditions that cause someone to be obese that don't involve carbonated beverages, an all you can eat buffet, and a total lack of self control. once married many AMERICAN women find no value in taking care of themselves and keeping themselves in good shape. American men fall into this category as well, but the OP was originally geared toward women so that is my focus. the fact that women let themselves go after marriage and/or kids is pretty much common knowledge. go to any wal-mart in the country and enlighten yourself if you feel otherwise.

i apologize for nothing.....sometimes the truth hurts and isn't pretty.

Are you a Christian?

EDIT: Didn't mean for this question to hang out there like I'm calling you out; the intent was to see if you are a Christian and hopefully be able to nudge you in a more forgiving direction.

What you say might have some truth, but your posts come across as malicious and unforgiving.

You are so tough. I'm sure no one has ever hurt your feelings before.

I'm thoroughly convinced that no one in our society has a healthy relationship with food. You either never think about it, in which case you are probably going for the cheapest, easiest, most unhealthy option, or you obsess over it to a degree that is unhealthy from a mental standpoint even if healthy from a physical standpoint.

It's just a problem with our culture. The cultural default is overeating terrible food, and bucking a cultural default takes a lot of time and effort

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The cultural default is overeating terrible food, and bucking a cultural default takes a lot of time and effort

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I think we are well on our way, to be honest. People seem to be drinking a lot more water over other soft drinks. (Sales data seems to support this)

Being a mom can really change a woman's biology.

I do think that there is an element of choice in not being fat, but it is harder for some than others to keep weight off, just because the Body is such a complicated system that may chose to actively fight you on that topic.

Meh, every culture has children and most throughout time and place haven't been fat. Some people can be lazy and not fat. Some can eat a lot and not be fat. Ultimately, for the overwhelming majority, you make a choice.

BusterAg said:

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Being a mom can really change a woman's biology.

I do think that there is an element of choice in not being fat, but it is harder for some than others to keep weight off, just because the Body is such a complicated system that may chose to actively fight you on that topic.

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Yep, and all the more reason why it's probably best to not comment on someone's size, especially in derogatory ways. We have no idea about that person's diet, medical history, or exercise routine. We also don't know if they are in the early stages of working to lose the weight. That's why juvenile terms like "fat bombs" is inappropriate and devoid of empathy. There are just too many factors of which we are ignorant.

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Meh, every culture has children and most throughout time and place haven't been fat.

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I'd say there's been pretty good reasons for it. Technology has never been what it is now.

Well said.

Sure there is reason. But I think it's more cultural than technological. Japan and the Nordic countries aren't less advanced technologically.

I'm not advocating being an ******* or even commenting on it to people, but let's not pretend it's not usually a choice.

What impact does cortisol have on weight gain?

Is part of the reason we are fat is because we are so stressed? How would you know?

We are not Japan, for a million different reasons. Lack of willpower ain't one of them.

The idea that Americans are just more stressed or that southerners are dramatically more stressed than people in Colorado which accounts for the weight gain is ridiculous. There are externalities, but it's still mostly a matter of thermodynamics.

Aggrad08 said:

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The idea that Americans are just more stressed or that southerners are dramatically more stressed than people in Colorado which accounts for the weight gain is ridiculous. There are externalities, but it's still mostly a matter of thermodynamics.

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I don't believe this for a second. We are still trying to figure out metabolism and how to harness it. And stress most likely does play a part.

Are they as important as diet and exercise? No. But silly to dismiss them as unimportant.

I'm dismissing them as a primary cause, which as you said is diet and exercise. It's overwhelmingly what you put in your mouth.

Aggrad08 said:

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I'm dismissing them as a primary cause, which as you said is diet and exercise. It's overwhelmingly what you put in your mouth.

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You can't pretend that two different bodies will treat a calorie the same way though. Two different people with the same general height, weight, and exercise routine could eat the exact same diet for three weeks, and one might lose 10 lbs and the other gain 10 lbs. I can look at 40 year old busterag diet compared to 30 year old busterag diet and that is plain as day.

So, weight can be controlled by most people, if not everyone. But it is much, much easier for some than others, not due to willpower, but due to metabolism and digestion issues.

I just think it's not useful to look at obesity as a laziness, selfishness, or motivation issue. IMHO, human nature hasn't really changed in thousands of years. People are not significantly more lazy, selfish, or less motivated to look good than they have been for thousands of years. So when we see society-wide changed such as the rise of obesity across all ages, sexes, income groups, and communities then we should look for society-wide solutions and not millions of individual solutions

Sure and you must adjust as you age. I would note that while younger I could eat at will, but I was extremely active also. Different people have different metabolisms and some gain weight easier than others for sure. But it's rarely something that cannot be reasonably managed. And we can see pretty clearly strong cultural correlations with obesity-which we wouldn't expect if the differences in body type are so overwhelming.

Again, I don't see any point in being ****ty or demeaning to heavy people. But I see no reason to pretend it's mostly outside of peoples hands.

This is true.

In the same way that 90% of the people in the US should be reasonably able to earn a masters degree. Its just a really really difficult for some, and comes naturally to others.

You are being ****ty in that you are minimalizing the difference in difficulty in maintaining weight between different people with different genetics and microbiomes.

Anyone can lose weight if they starve themselves.

Those two things aren't comparable and other cultures show that pretty clearly. You can look at our own culture a couple generations back and see the same

When considering obesity data, and how that shows that obesity in the US is primarily a cultural thing, here are some interesting data for you to consider regarding obesity, and whether not genetics and shifts in demographics, including age and race of population, have an impact.

https://ourworldindata.org/obesity

https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/prevalence-maps.html

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/03/31/10-demographic-trends-that-are-shaping-the-u-s-and-the-world/

https://news.gallup.com/poll/142736/obesity-peaks-middle-age.aspx

Again, culture is an important element. Especially our busy, stressful lives spent in front of computer screens. But it is more than that.