I love Jesus but I want to die: what you need to know about suicide

This is such an amazing, honest and beautiful piece that hit so close to home, as I regularly struggle mightily with depression/suicidal thoughts and have lost 2 of my dearest friends to suicide.

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"So I told them about the physical pain, the exhaustion, the heaviness. I told them it's like dying of a terrible disease and wishing I could hurry it up, knowing things would only get worse."

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"I told my coworkers about depression's physicality. Every part of me ached from resisting gravity, as though my cells wanted to collapse in a puddle on the ground. My skin stung like lotion on a fresh sunburn and my throat hurt from the lump that lived in it."

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"Sometimes people say suicide is the most selfish act you can commit. But for many battling the darkness, dying seems like the most selfless thing to do. Depression often carries an intense, shameful sense of self-hatred. In those pits, I believed I was toxic and harmful to those close to me. I was certain taking my own life would be a blessing to others."

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"Death seems like the only way out of an internal torture chamber."

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"For me, I first notice it as brain fog. The world seems to move in slow motion, but I still can't keep up. All I want is sleep, not just because depression is exhausting, but because sleep is an escape."

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"The disease lies. When healing doesn't come, it's easy to believe that God has left. And if we've been taught that depression and suicidal thoughts are sinful, selfish, or displeasing to God, we may believe he's right in abandoning us."

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While the church is getting better in addressing mental illness, this is troubling:

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In 2013, a Lifeway Research study found that nearly 50% of evangelicals believe that prayer and Bible study alone can conquer serious mental illness.

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And this is spot on. Sometimes the most well-intentioned statement can be one of the most harmful to those of us struggling with suicidal thoughts:

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We can't "choose joy" or "stop thinking about it."

Sometimes Christians tell us to "choose joy" or focus on somebody other than ourselves. There is some truth to this: caring for others and learning to cultivate joy are important parts of a healthy life.

But when death seems like the only way out of an internal torture chamber, those things don't work. What's worse, they become a way to mask pain. That's how I could be involved in several ministries and wear a big smile while I wished for death.

Saying things like, "I'm so sorry you're hurting," and spending time with people struggling is much more effective than telling them to choose joy. It allows them to be honest, which might wind up saving a life.

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Okay.

All I said was "okay". I'm not saying prayer is ineffective at all or that I disagreed with him. I responded like that because the wording of a question in a study that's only briefly mentioned in the original article isn't the purpose of the article.

Based on how I've heard the subject discussed in churches though, I'd be willing to assume most of the respondents who answered that question took it as an either/or question, and that depression is strictly a spiritual problem. Either pray/read bible vs seek medical help. I could be wrong in that assumption though.

dermdoc said:

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Depression is cancer without a tumor. And just as real.

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So, so true.

Finding Hope

Our teaching pastor did a talk on this a while back and included much of his own battle.

Thanks for sharing. I'll listen later this evening. I am so grateful for those who share their struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. Growing up, it was something I had to keep silent about in church. I was raised with the perverse teaching that if you commit suicide then you will burn in hell for eternity. That led to such additional agony. It's part of the scarring that I have talked about in my upbringing in certain churches. But, I have seen how important it is to be honest about these struggles, because we never know who is on that cliff. They may be sitting next to us in the pews at church. They may be sitting down next to us at the dinner table at home. They can be that close, and we have no idea. Having people talk openly about it, especially in the church, has helped me tremendously.

this time of year brings back the memories of a lost brother so many years ago. The last time we talked, I should have said, I should offered, I wish I would have.....why didn't I pick up the clues?




Endless sadness for those left behind. Heartbroken spouse, kids, parents, siblings, no shame but a lot of pain that just never leaves you.

Where was God, I don't know but he wasn't in that house. I can't relate to killing myself so I really can't give advise to those that are thinking about it other than the ones that care about you will be scarred for life if you go thru with it.

I'm sorry, man

Pacifist, you might enjoy the book Lost Connections:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07583XJRW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I'm currently reading it and it's very interesting and thought-provoking. The author himself has struggled with depression and has a natural interest in the subject.