My fiance and I have agreed to join a Methodist church we love but are getting drawback from her family on this choice. We both prefer the church that takes a more traditional stance on worship to the one that basically has a full broadway show with a sermon that quotes country singers and is plastered on two giant screens.

We both feel a less judged and more dedicated vibe to the word at our church but every time we mention anything about it we get jeers and dissent from her family.

Does anyone have any advice or experience in dealing with this?

Furlock Bones said:

---

assuming this isn't a troll. you and your wife are creating a union not you, your wife and her family.

go to the church that you both feel is right.

---

Definitely not trolling and obviously we will make our choice for us, not them. Just wondering if anyone has advice for gaining more respect for our decision while not creating more drama than there could be. If we are combative or say anything about it we dislike I know we will just be rebuked so that's not the route I want to go. I really want to achieve a point where our decision isn't seen with rolled eyes. I honestly am dreading their reaction once we have kids and have them baptized as infants.

I can't relate. My family is all Baptist and Protestant.

I converted to Orthodoxy and my family doesn't say anything. I think they are just confused. I don't think they know anything other than protestants exist.

Who gives a **** what they think?

The Shank Ag said:

---

My fiance and I have agreed to join a Methodist church we love but are getting drawback from her family on this choice. We both prefer the church that takes a more traditional stance on worship to the one that basically has a full broadway show with a sermon that quotes country singers and is plastered on two giant screens.

We both feel a less judged and more dedicated vibe to the word at our church but every time we mention anything about it we get jeers and dissent from her family.

Does anyone have any advice or experience in dealing with this?

---

What about their denomination is so important to them and what's so wrong with the Methodists in their eyes?

Your wife will have to take point in talking to her family. I doubt anything you say could convince them to accept your decision as a couple.

I have a similar situation but it's the other way around. My family is catholic but I go to a baptist church. However my family doesn't have an issue with it. We get in theological tiffs from time to time but that's it. I don't think the denomination is as important now. Just because a church says it's baptist or methodist it doesn't mean they actually align with those denominations. I always check their statement of beliefs and then look for evidence that they actually follow what they believe rather than just appeal to the masses.

craigernaught said:

---

Get more involved with your church. Let it make a positive impact on your life through care for the sick, the poor, and the vulnerable. Tell your family about how you are serving your community through your church. Invite them to come and see.

---

This.

craigernaught said:

---

Get more involved with your church. Let it make a positive impact on your life through care for the sick, the poor, and the vulnerable. Tell your family about how you are serving your community through your church. Invite them to come and see.

---

TBH, the Methodist church might be one of the easiest denominations to do this with. I've never been to a Methodist church that wasn't completely focused on the give back to community.

I grew up in a Methodist Church, since growing up and leaving home my Mom has started attending the big screen, carpet stage, country singer quoting type church. My Dad still attends the Methodist church. I'm a non believer now, so I don't really care, but when home on holidays I do prefer attending the Methodist church for the same reasons you mentioned.

I'd ask yourself, is worshiping the way you and your wife prefer more important than keeping her family happy? If so, you do you and try to explain it to them as best you can to not ruffle feathers. Regardless you might and that problem is with them not you. If you don't make their displeasure a big deal then they probably won't either and things will settle down.

I think everyones got the right idea here. One comment:

Quote:

---

We both prefer the church that takes a more traditional stance on worship to the one that basically has a full broadway show with a sermon that quotes country singers and is plastered on two giant screens.

---

I would seek to understand and appreciate their preferred style as well, as this is probably not the best characterization of their church. I would want to avoid being overly harsh just because they are being that way to you.

Good luck!

If you're not feeling the love from your future in-laws despite the simple change of church venue, invite them over for dinner with their pastor and talk about it.

If they are like a lot of traditional baptists they'll be so interested in impressing the pastor they will not make a stink about your new church in front of him.

Hellfire and brimstone don't work for everyone and they need to understand that. Obviously my suggestion is said somewhat tongue-in-cheek. But if I felt that unnecessary stress was being put on my and/or my future wife by her family, I'd call them to the mat on it, the same as I would do with my family. Putting your foot down in this situation might make things a little tense for a while with the in-laws, but a line will form one way or another.

sects

Run like hell

Quote:

---

If you're not feeling the love from your future in-laws despite the simple change of church venue, invite them over for dinner with their pastor and talk about it.

---

May even consider adding the OP's pastor as well. I think the in-laws would be surprised to see how, despite their fears, even a Methodist and Baptist preacher can get along, break bread together, and to get into mutually respectful discussions even if they differ on theological points. It's been my experience that congregants were more black/white hardliners on issues of denominational affiliation than are the pastors in Southern Baptist churches.

You're absolutely right. But my suggestion was just to point out the hypocritical-ness of the future in-laws... or maybe they have no shame.

I went to a dry wedding a while back. It was held in a Lutheran church (including reception). I didn't even know dry weddings were allowed in a Lutheran church. Turns out, the bride's parents were fundy baptist. (which is hilarious because on their wedding website as a part of "her story" she wrote about how glad she was to convert)

Quote:

---

Turns out, the bride's parents were fundy baptist. (which is hilarious because on their wedding website as a part of "her story" she wrote about how glad she was to convert)

---

Oh...fundy baptist. If she converted to Lutheran, I would not be surprised if the family, or at the very least the church she left, thinks she's not a Christian and this is evidence that she never was to start with. I heard stuff like that many, many times growing up in that world.

RIGHT so how awkward is this on her wedding website "our story" thing?

Quote:

---

Let me backtrack a little. Around 2007, I left the Baptist church of my childhood and became a Lutheran and not just any old mainstream Lutheran but a bible-believing, Book-of-Concord-reading, hymn singing, nerdy Missouri Synod Lutheran. I came to believe that when Jesus said "This is my body" (1 Corinthians 11:23-26; Matthew 26:26) and "Whoever believes and is baptized shall be saved" (Mark 16:16) that He really meant it! Furthermore, I became firmly convinced from Scripture that we don't find or come to Jesus but He comes to us in the ways He has promised: through His Word and His Sacraments. I don't think I realized at the time just how much this would affect my prospects in finding a spouse. These beliefs are the foundations of the Christian faith and not something I was willing to compromise on.

---

RetiredAg said:

---

Quote:

---

Turns out, the bride's parents were fundy baptist. (which is hilarious because on their wedding website as a part of "her story" she wrote about how glad she was to convert)

---

Oh...fundy baptist. If she converted to Lutheran, I would not be surprised if the family, or at the very least the church she left, thinks she's not a Christian and this is evidence that she never was to start with. I heard stuff like that many, many times growing up in that world.

---

Eh, I've seen that from all over the place from all denominations and sects.

Solo Tetherball Champ said:

---

RetiredAg said:

---

Quote:

---

Turns out, the bride's parents were fundy baptist. (which is hilarious because on their wedding website as a part of "her story" she wrote about how glad she was to convert)

---

Oh...fundy baptist. If she converted to Lutheran, I would not be surprised if the family, or at the very least the church she left, thinks she's not a Christian and this is evidence that she never was to start with. I heard stuff like that many, many times growing up in that world.

---

Eh, I've seen that from all over the place from all denominations and sects.

---

Perhaps. It just seems more pervasive in that world, from my experience.

Quote:

---

Do what is best for you and your wife and you will earn respect. The is no need to make your case to in-laws and justify your joint decision with scripture; just go about your business humbly and respectfully.

If that doesn't garner respect then theirs isn't worth it anyway.

---

Absolutely.