How To Get Along With Christians From Other Denominations
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Here are a few simple ways that you can agree to disagree with Christians from outside your theological tradition or denomination:
1.) Immediately question their salvation. The best way to begin opening the lines of communication between you and a believer from a different background is to instantly and vocally doubt their justification before the Lord. This shows right off the bat that you care about their eternal soul.
2.) Try to find extremely minor points of disagreement. Don't get hung up on major areas of agreement like justification by faith or the necessity of the atonement. Rather, hone in on the extremely unimportant things you disagree on, like your preferred pew color and the kind of shirt the pastor wears in their denomination.
3.) Punch them in the face. The Greeks had several different words for love, one of which was philia, literally translated as "punching another believer in the face because you disagree." As they're howling in pain on the floor trying to hold their teeth in their mouth, you'll rest secure in the fact that you effectively showed them the love of Christ.
4.) Use air-quotes every time you call them a "Christian." Believers from other denominations will know that you truly count them as brothers and sisters in Christ when you give a big, sarcastic eye-roll and exaggerated air quotes every time you use the word "Christian" to refer to them or their denomination. Like so: "Hey Carl, I'm really glad you're a 'Christian' [dramatic air-quotes here] too!"
5.) Intentionally misunderstand all their theological statements. If a believer from a different tradition tweets something like, "Praise the Lord for sending His Son to die for us!" make sure you immediately reply with a series of three or four dozen tweets demonstrating how their statement is suspect and doesn't even display a remotely biblical understanding of the gospel.
6.) Make sure you loudly proclaim how much better you are. Finally, make sure all your conversations are laced with a refined sense of superiority. If you're ready for the more advanced form of this technique, just start shouting at the other Christian's face at the top of your lungs, screaming about how much more worthy of Christ's love your denominational background is than theirs, and how dumb they are for believing whatever nonsense they believe. You'll be bosom buddies in no time!
