Looking for some advice, suggestions, etc from anyone that's gone the fostering route. Little background, my wife's daughter is in her twenties and stayed back in Florida when we moved to Missouri a couple of years back. We have more home than we know what to do with and it's just the two of us so we decided we wanted to open it up and help children in need. I'd love to say it's strictly for altruistic reasons, but I honestly think we are going to get as much if not more, out of it as the kids.

We are a little over halfway thru the 8 week training course to get our license and at a point where it's getting close to a realization, especially after our social worker said she already has kids in mind to place with us. Prior to this point we'd held off buying anything because we wanted to be sure we're going to actually go through with it, that is no longer a concern for us.

So this is why I come to you all, myself and my neighbor are going to transform one of guest rooms into a kids room by removing the king bed and building a full over full bunk bed with attached desks this weekend. Not going to make it specific to any age group because we want any age to be comfortable there. If you have fostered, did you stock up on toys beforehand, did you buy assorted clothes ahead of time etc? Or did you wait till kids were in the place to let them pick things out and in the case of toys, let them build up the collection over time? We were definitely going to go buy various children's books for all ages but toys specifically is what I was wondering about? Any other advice or tips based on your experiences?

I agree and we've heard it from both sides, don't overwhelm them but also give them something to distract them from their current circumstances. At least initially we want to be a home for short term placements but we know we are going to get attached at some point so we are also taking the adoption course in the event a child needs a forever home. It is just getting real for us and figured TexAgs, we know stuff, so I was hoping there were others on here I could get advice from or pick their brains

Corn Pop said:

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Wife and I are big into the foster care world. Adopted three out of foster care, got a non profit off the ground, give a lot of time and money to other organizations that help support foster care, amongst a lot of other things. I can't thank y'all enough for making that sacrifice. I don't know what Missouri looks like, but Texas is in a crisis because of lack of foster homes.

I would be more than happy to be a sounding board for you and help answer any questions or concerns that you may have. If you want to drop your email or something I can get in touch and we can connect through there.

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Thank you, this could be a bad move on TexAgs but my email is edited out. We are in a rural community here but from what we've learned so far during training, there is a great need here. I truly want to go into it with the idea reunification is the goal because many of the children in the need of help in our area, are the kids of Soldiers from the post who need a temporary home while their parents get their lives in order due to the stress the constant deployments has caused. But also open to long term placement and possibly adoption

Got it. You can edit and delete since it is the general board haha!

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If you have fostered, did you stock up on toys beforehand, did you buy assorted clothes ahead of time etc? Or did you wait till kids were in the place to let them pick things out and in the case of toys, let them build up the collection over time?

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1. I have no experience here, but...
2. As a former kid who grew up on a pretty tight budget a lot of years with a lot of hand-me-downs, I think the excitement of picking out a short list of things you want and actually getting one (or more) of them would probably be nice for the kids. Of course there are some basics, but I wouldn't spend a lot of money stocking up until you at least know specifics of age and gender, etc. I remember headaches of shopping for my nieces and nephews and realizing that, you know, fads and coolness change every year.

Harry Lime said:

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If you have fostered, did you stock up on toys beforehand, did you buy assorted clothes ahead of time etc? Or did you wait till kids were in the place to let them pick things out and in the case of toys, let them build up the collection over time?

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1. I have no experience here, but...
2. As a former kid who grew up on a pretty tight budget a lot of years with a lot of hand-me-downs, I think the excitement of picking out a short list of things you want and actually getting one (or more) of them would probably be nice for the kids. Of course there are some basics, but I wouldn't spend a lot of money stocking up until you at least know specifics of age and gender, etc. I remember headaches of shopping for my nieces and nephews and realizing that, you know, fads and coolness change every year.

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I'm thinking y'all are right, we'll probably get a few baseline items like legos and Lincoln logs but as children come here let them pick out things to keep but also items that will stay with us to build up a collection to entertain all ages that might come through here

DannyDuberstein said:

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Just don't decorate it like Neverland Ranch

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I get it, it's TexAgs so we all like to make smart ass funny comments but I honestly started this thread in hopes I'd get advice from other folks that have gone the foster route. It's a big life choice and I'm trying to build a network if I need to reach out for help. Not starting a pedophile ranch, just wanting to do something for others

Don't let it get to you. Sent you an email with my contact info. Talk tomorrow!

Corn Pop said:

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Wife and I are big into the foster care world. Adopted three out of foster care, got a non profit off the ground, give a lot of time and money to other organizations that help support foster care, amongst a lot of other things. I can't thank y'all enough for making that sacrifice. I don't know what Missouri looks like, but Texas is in a crisis because of lack of foster homes.

I would be more than happy to be a sounding board for you and help answer any questions or concerns that you may have. If you want to drop your email or something I can get in touch and we can connect through there.

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Your right. Nobody knows this, but Texas gives zero F's. about CPS kids. All my wife and I do are psych evaluations on foster kids. Things have devolved dramatically in the past two years.

MapGuy said:

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DannyDuberstein said:

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Just don't decorate it like Neverland Ranch

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I get it, it's TexAgs so we all like to make smart ass funny comments but I honestly started this thread in hopes I'd get advice from other folks that have gone the foster route. It's a big life choice and I'm trying to build a network if I need to reach out for help. Not starting a pedophile ranch, just wanting to do something for others

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It's shocking that poster hasn't been perma'd yet. Just ignore him

Yup it's insanity. Kids with no place to go, coupled with kids already in the system being sent back to unsafe situations because the state is so full they're just saying screw it. It is a disaster. There's a horrific story going on right now with some close friends of mine. Genuinely terrified for what the child is about to be sent back to….

Boy or girl? With a boy you can't go wrong with footballs/baseballs/basketballs and legos. Maybe a video game system.

There is a lady on tik tok that shares how she prepares for foster kids. She buys luggage for them to keep bc most usually have their stuff in trash bags. She has a feminine kit for the older girls and she gives them their own bathroom space with a lock so that they know they will have privacy (super important since so many have suffered abuse.) Its really touching. God bless you for what you are doing

God bless you for what you're doing! We did it two years ago with one kid and it's definitely hard. She ended up going back to her parents after they turned their life around and we still see her often and have become friends/mentors to the parents.

Decided one time was enough for us and haven't fostered since.

THE_CHOSEN_ONE said:

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Boy or girl? With a boy you can't go wrong with footballs/baseballs/basketballs and legos. Maybe a video game system.

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It's something we plan on doing long term so probably both and we said we are open to any age.

ReloadAg said:

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Decided one time was enough for us and haven't fostered since.

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Username does not check out.

We were fortunate this didn't happen in our case. I imagine if it had my thoughts would have been the same as yours. Our case was somewhat straightforward, but I still wasn't prepared enough for the stress.

There is a thread on AO that has some insight from someone fighting the system now as well as from a lawyer who regularly fights for the kids in the system. Major props to yall that do this. I have talked to my wife about adopting and she isn't in to it, and OF COURSE I dont fault her for that. I'm not even sure I am on board and I know it isn't for everyone so I have a ton if respect for those that do it, and do it the right way and for the right reasons.

atag said:

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There is a lady on tik tok that shares how she prepares for foster kids. She buys luggage for them to keep bc most usually have their stuff in trash bags. She has a feminine kit for the older girls and she gives them their own bathroom space with a lock so that they know they will have privacy (super important since so many have suffered abuse.) Its really touching. God bless you for what you are doing

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That is actually a really good idea

I think the power of texags could do so much good for so many people through the fairly well off demographics and I would imagine this space is one of the places we could do well, like the toktok user posted about above.

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Another thing they did for all 17 they had, and I don't know how this would really work in digital America, was they bought a photo album for each kid and put pictures in it. Their school pic, their class pic, pics of them playing, sleeping, opening up Christmas presents and trick or treating or hunting Easter eggs.

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Building a life book is actually something required of us by the state of Missouri for each child and I think it is a great idea. That is probably going to fall on my wife more so than me as she is big into scrap booking. Like you said though, we live in a digital world and one thing I was thinking about doing is something called a story map. Basically it would be an interactive application we could build that would allow the children to click on certain places on a map they've been and pictures and journal entries would pop up to tell a story about a day or a trip we had. I think this would be a good way to preserve their memories but also maybe build some interest in GIS which could be a very marketable skill down the road for them.

MapGuy said:

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atag said:

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There is a lady on tik tok that shares how she prepares for foster kids. She buys luggage for them to keep bc most usually have their stuff in trash bags. She has a feminine kit for the older girls and she gives them their own bathroom space with a lock so that they know they will have privacy (super important since so many have suffered abuse.) Its really touching. God bless you for what you are doing

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That is actually a really good idea

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this is a good idea!
We started the CPS training in TX a few years ago then decided to do private adoption of an infant. You could narrow down your ages if you wanted to have age-appropriate things on hand.

Otherwise, I might stock soap, socks, and a few pjs. You probably will need to go clothes shopping at some point because some come with only the clothes on their back. Def a stuffed animal or two and night light.

Good luck and God Bless!

Thanks for the suggestions. When asked about age range we said either infants or kids 8 and above until our dogs get used to having children around the house. My wife's nephew is 4 and extremely high strung and hasn't been taught how to be gentle with the dogs so while our dog hasn't done anything aggressive towards him, she acts very standoffish towards him. We figure if we got an infant that turned into a long term placement the dogs would grow used to the child and bond with it while the kid grows. We then included 8 and above because by that time you'd hope they are mature enough to listen better.

Do you not have any friends that can donate these types of things to you?

Every time I clean out my son's toys/clothes, I always donate them to someone that's in your shoes.

There are a couple of other foster families at my Church and we talked with our Pastor about setting up a resource closet there where folks can donate clothes and toys that we can use. So far as friends around here, we are still newish to the area and of the folks we do know most no longer have kids in the house.

MapGuy said:

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There are a couple of other foster families at my Church and we talked with our Pastor about setting up a resource closet there where folks can donate clothes and toys that we can use. So far as friends around here, we are still newish to the area and of the folks we do know most no longer have kids in the house.

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I don't know what county you are in, and don't want to ask, but we have several private organizations in town specific for this kinda of stuff.

I doubt you have you have FB, but if you want to get yourself a throwaway email and sign up, you can see if there is a group for coming together and working together in your city/county, and ask questions on if they know of any organizations that they can guide you to.

There is a Facebook group for our county that we were told about during training. As you suggested we were going to create a Facebook account solely to communicate with that group as well as use it to share photos of the foster children with their birth parents. We were also going to create a generic email to tie to Facebook and communicate with bio parents, we were advised not to use our real email accounts.

Thanks for sharing, that's kind of the way I'm hoping it goes for us