My wife stays at home with my 10-year-old daughter and homeschools her. (She's done that with all our kids until the 6th grade) Wife used to take my daughter with her to various stores on some days, mainly Walmart to get the weekly groceries. Daughter a few months ago started complaining about stomach pain while at Walmart, so my wife would be forced to hurry or cut the trip short. This happened a few times and then eventually my wife just stopped taking her and leaving her at home with our oldest daughter who is in remote learning in HS.

The problem is getting worse, however, because now my daughter doesn't want to go anywhere outside of the house and every time we go somewhere she complains her stomach hurts. It doesn't appear to happen at home hardly at all. We go to church every Sunday and she doesn't get the option to stay at home for that and she seems to do okay, partly because I think she knows she has no choice but to go.

Today my wife and daughter were supposed to go on their annual trip to the galleria in Dallas to the American girl doll store. It's one of my wife's and hers favorite things to do all year. My wife was so looking forward to it today to get out of the house, but then my daughter says that she doesn't want to go because she's afraid and thinks her stomach will start hurting. My wife is so disappointed, so they aren't going and I'm frustrated at it all.

Anybody gone through this with their child? Could there be something wrong with her physically or is it anxiety like I'm assuming? like I said she doesn't really ever complain about her stomach while at home unless she eats too much of something etc. I'm not sure how to handle it, but I think we are making a big mistake by allowing her to stay home pretty much all the time lately.

Thoughts? Help?

To add on, we went to her grandparents for Thanksgiving for about 4 hours and she had no problems at their house. Plus she goes over there weekly for an hour with my wife while my wife gives her mom piano lessons, and again, no mention of stomach issues then either.

Thank you for that info. I will look into it for sure. My biggest concern for the here and now is if we are making the problem worse by allowing her to stay home, rather than pushing the issue and "forcing" small, little trips on her.

Ragoo said:

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She needs to talk to a professional. She is having anxiety about public places. Probably the last 8 months of reinforcement.

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I second this. Would suggest a counselor to help out. Definitely anxiety due to the pandemic.

AgsMyDude said:

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Ragoo said:

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She needs to talk to a professional. She is having anxiety about public places. Probably the last 8 months of reinforcement.

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I second this. Would suggest a counselor to help out. Definitely anxiety due to the pandemic.

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Covid strikes again. Glad my kids are too young to acknowledge anything that's going on, but that has anxiety written all over it. Find an IN PERSON counselor and nip it in the bud.

My son did this for almost two years and it still happens occasionally (we have just basically gotten to where we don't go places to avoid it..unfortunately). I would recommend having her talk to a counselor and find a doctor who is willing to take necessary medical moves if need be. Anytime we've brought it up we've talked to our pedi but have been given apps and ways to work through it. There's a point in time that just doesn't work and you don't want to start all the way over finding someone and explaining what all you've done in case you think medication is the answer.

I have a lot of questions for you that I hope you can answer:

• What style of composing does she do?
• Assuming it's musical, are they long?
• Will she release an audiotape in the near future?
• Does she do live performances?
• Are the live performances following strict covid standards for audience viewing?
• How long has she been composing for?
• Did you ever compose?

I will hang up and listen.

Thanks and Gig'em

I suppose asking on Texags vs. seeking out a trained, qualified professional is the best way to solve health issues. It's worked well for tandy miller so far. Instead of taking it seriously, he'll be in a coma soon. No reason it can't work for you.

King moto moto said:

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I have a lot of questions for you that I hope you can answer:

• What style of composing does she do?
• Assuming it's musical, are they long?
• Will she release an audiotape in the near future?
• Does she do live performances?
• Are the live performances following strict covid standards for audience viewing?
• How long has she been composing for?
• Did you ever compose?

I will hang up and listen.

Thanks and Gig'em

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Didn't even get what you were saying until i looked at my thread title. Shoot.

I had some anxiety / stomach issues as a kid.

I was similar age range.

Ultimately ended up that I had stomach ulcers and the doctors believed they were a result of a combination of my diet + anxiety. After diagnosis, I ate no greasy food or caffeine for 1 year and that helped for the food side. The anxiety part we did not use any sort of "professional" but I worked on deep breathing etc in advance of going to do something that got me nervous (be it soccer match, something as silly as a bday party where I didnt know many people, etc).

This may not even be close to your situation but just tossing it out there.

Its tough on the kids and I also know this caused my parents stress / frustration. Sorry to hear. Hopefully resolution is found soon!

Thank you all for the replies so far. I definitely don't use advice here in place of professional medical advice, but I do value the opinions of people here and their suggestions.

My daughter definitely doesn't seem to be scared of the virus at all. we are not very fearful of it all in the house and don't leave news on at all on the TV . she will go out in the neighborhood with friends and play outside and be happy as long as she is around her house or in familiar places. it seems to just be anytime we go somewhere unfamiliar or in a place with other people.

Very interesting about the stomach ulcer comment. I will have to focus more on what she is eating and maybe there will be a correlation. Sure seems to me like anxiety which does run in the family. I definitely deal with my fair share.

It wasn't a problem for the first few weeks my daughter was mentioning it, but now it sure is negatively affecting my wife and our ability to do fun things as a family. COVID already was a making that more difficult anyways, and this doesn't help.

My friend has a kid that does that. There isn't anything wrong with them at all. But if the kid doesn't want to go somewhere......it is headache time. Even realized it was more believable if they could throw up.
Several doctors opinions and nothing wrong.

Oh, another thanks to the person who made the snide comment about homeschooling. I was expecting that so you didn't disappoint haha! Our other daughters were also homeschooled and adjusted just fine to being put in public school in 6th grade. There doesn't always have to be a stigma associated with homeschooled children, but that's a thread derailment.

We've always had them all in lots of extra curricular activities and things. Unfortunately covid shut down most all of those things for my youngest and so, like some of you have said, I do wonder if that has played a role as she was forced to be in the house a lot initially anyways starting in March.

Ragoo said:

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She needs to talk to a professional. She is having anxiety about public places. Probably the last 8 months of reinforcement.

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AGREE^^^^

To Add-

You need to transition her from homeschool to some other school. Private if you can afford it as there will be smaller classes and more personal attention. If not, after she spends some time with the professional you need to transition her to public school.

The stomach hurting is either anxiety, psychosomatic, or her conscious way of avoiding something she does not enjoy.

If you keep allowing her to do this then it will get worse as she gets older and she will do this through her teens and into adulthood. This is 100% NOT okay and you need to start correcting this behavior ASAP.

Also be prepared in case your wife wants to fight you on this and to cave when your daughter fights back and digs in. You and your wife need to be on the same page with this from the start or things are going to get ugly between the two of you especially if you are wanting to get your daughter help and your wife is wanting to let your daughter continue to regress and suffer in anxiety ridden isolation then prepare to have to battle for the health and well being of your daughter.

Some kids do homeschooling well but the lack of socialization is a real ***** and many have trouble transitioning to college or the real world after. even with all the failings of public school I would rather my kids do that than homeschooling.

*EDIT*

Seems like you believe you know best when it comes to the homeschooling. feel free to ignore my post above entirely.

its likely either psychosomatic, passive aggressive method of avoiding public places and she has a fear of them, or generalized anxiety.

I would also say that just because ur other kids "did fine" with homeschooling doesn't mean this one will. all kids are different.

Sounds like she didn't want to go to the store so she complained about it. Mommy eventually gave in and now she knows she can complain about her stomach anytime she doesn't want to go somewhere. I tried this same thing when I was kid, but my parents weren't pushovers.

Bob Loblaws Law Blog said:

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Sounds like she didn't want to go to the store so she complained about it. Mommy eventually gave in and now she knows she can complain about her stomach anytime she doesn't want to go somewhere. I tried this same thing when I was kid, but my parents weren't pushovers.

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My only argument against that is what happened this morning. My daughter loves the American Girl doll store at the Dallas galleria. She was going to finally spend the $50 that she had been saving in her account and waiting for this day to come. So for her to not want to go there would be odd and meant she can't pick out the doll accessory she was really wanting.

Today was definitely a big red flag for me that tells me action needs to be taken.

Very good point, Ags4DaWin. I definitely don't want to label my kids as all being the same and not individuals. Just because we had no issues with the others, that doesn't mean there couldn't be a problem here.

My wife starts a teaching job next fall, so my daughter will be in public school next year. Obviously need to help her through this before that time comes. That is my hope.

FDXAg said:

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My wife stays at home with my 10-year-old daughter and homeschools her. (She's done that with all our kids until the 6th grade) Wife used to take my daughter with her to various stores on some days, mainly Walmart to get the weekly groceries. Daughter a few months ago started complaining about stomach pain while at Walmart, so my wife would be forced to hurry or cut the trip short. This happened a few times and then eventually my wife just stopped taking her and leaving her at home with our oldest daughter who is in remote learning in HS.

The problem is getting worse, however, because now my daughter doesn't want to go anywhere outside of the house and every time we go somewhere she complains her stomach hurts. It doesn't appear to happen at home hardly at all. We go to church every Sunday and she doesn't get the option to stay at home for that and she seems to do okay, partly because I think she knows she has no choice but to go.

Today my wife and daughter were supposed to go on their annual trip to the galleria in Dallas to the American girl doll store. It's one of my wife's and hers favorite things to do all year. My wife was so looking forward to it today to get out of the house, but then my daughter says that she doesn't want to go because she's afraid and thinks her stomach will start hurting. My wife is so disappointed, so they aren't going and I'm frustrated at it all.

Anybody gone through this with their child? Could there be something wrong with her physically or is it anxiety like I'm assuming? like I said she doesn't really ever complain about her stomach while at home unless she eats too much of something etc. I'm not sure how to handle it, but I think we are making a big mistake by allowing her to stay home pretty much all the time lately.

Thoughts? Help?

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I'm not a doctor nor to I play one on TV and I'd recommend talking to her pediatrician during a routine visit, however, we had something similar dealing with our child back when she was 7/8 years old and it was every time we went to a restaurant that was unfamiliar to her she would vomit because of the anxiety. I still remember going to Blue Baker on University and getting out of the car and the smell would instantly create an issue. I, of course, being a level headed dad did not handle these situations in the most caring of manners. Understand my daughter never complained about going to new places but her anxiety would reappear sometimes not until we actually got there, or not show up until after your ordered or the meal arrived. It was maddening, Eventually, we just pushed through it and eventually she grew out of it and had no issues after she was about 8 and now is 19. I believe the best thing we did was eventually not feed her anxiety by choosing to not give unnecessary attention. For example, we didn't tell her we were going to a new restaurant and when we did we didn't ask her, "are you okay" constantly. I always rather thought anxiety feeds on the attention we give it. We kept an eye her for sure but we didn't want the experience to be about her overcoming her anxiety, where I believe we did that when the issue first appeared.

I feel for you, but you can't let her stay in, you gotta get push her go outside. Maybe start in small doses with the park or walking in the neighborhood to distract her from her own anxiety. Something simple as pulling into a gas station and having her go in by herself to get a bottle of water could give her confidence that she needs.

FDXAg said:

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Bob Loblaws Law Blog said:

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Sounds like she didn't want to go to the store so she complained about it. Mommy eventually gave in and now she knows she can complain about her stomach anytime she doesn't want to go somewhere. I tried this same thing when I was kid, but my parents weren't pushovers.

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My only argument against that is what happened this morning. My daughter loves the American Girl doll store at the Dallas galleria. She was going to finally spend the $50 that she had been saving in her account and waiting for this day to come. So for her to not want to go there would be odd and meant she can't pick out the doll accessory she was really wanting.

Today was definitely a big red flag for me that tells me action needs to be taken.

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On a lighter note...my bank account would be jumping for joy if my daughter skipped a trip to American Girl store...

Have a coworker with a daughter that has close to the same ordeal. She once got sick at school and was so relentlessly made fun of she refuses to go into public unless forced and will refuse to eat before if she does. Always begins to have stomach aches right before going into public.

They have her seeing a counselor weekly

I know it's tempting to analyze everything you're doing (your post about COVID, the news, etc made me think of this). But unfortunately if it's truly generalized anxiety, there almost certainly isn't a logical explanation for it and she might not even be aware of what triggers her at this point.

I know with my kid, she has such a privileged life and is constantly surrounded by people who adore her, so it was very difficult for me to accept that she had anxiety because there wasn't an obvious reason for it. It wasn't until one night over the summer she was sobbing for hours because she felt like "the worst kid ever" because she believed that she hadn't drunk enough water that day that I realized things had escalated to the point that it was impacting our lives pretty much every day and it was starting to hold her back from attempting anything new because she was paralyzed with fear of failure.

I started keeping a note in my phone of every instance of her beating herself up over things that weren't important, alarming things she'd say, and noting how it was impacting our lives (mostly our sleep and our routines). After about two weeks we looked at my notes and knew for sure that we needed professional help. I'd encourage you and your wife to do that if you aren't already.

Thank you for your responses. Having battled anxiety in one form or another for most of my life after the age of about 14, I definitely understand the struggle and seriousness of it. Was praying it wouldn't affect any of my kids.

My youngest son had this same issue 2 years ago. After an upper endoscopy and all the tests and a biopsy, the diagnosis was "functional stomach pain" for which they prescribed amitriptyline. It helped but eventually he understood nothing could be done about it and we weren't going to accommodate his spells so he just outgrew it. He occasionally will get one when he gets anxious but they are now rare and we don't medicate him. Hope your daughter outgrows it too.

aglaohfour said:

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I started keeping a note in my phone of every instance of her beating herself up over things that weren't important, alarming things she'd say, and noting how it was impacting our lives (mostly our sleep and our routines). After about two weeks we looked at my notes and knew for sure that we needed professional help. I'd encourage you and your wife to do that if you aren't already.

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Love this. Do this, it will help any clinician you consult, as well as helping you see any pattern. Data is always helpful!