How would you punish people who steal food at work?

8,410 Views | 65 Replies | Last: 4 yr ago by Smithjg
HarleySpoon
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Had a coworker who's apple was almost always stolen out of the office fridge. Every other day, I would have to listen to her rant about a stolen apple for the first ten minutes of lunch. I agree she should be upset.....but at some point she needed to do something about it and quit the endless rants.

So....I bought her a bag of twelve beautiful apples and put them in my office. I then went to the office fridge and took the biggest bite possible out of her apple and put it back on the shelf. Her lunch rant that day was epic. And, just as she started marching to HR, I presented her with a bag of beautiful apples. That was fun.
Burdizzo
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I had a co-worker who had some of her food stolen. I think someone stole some gourmet (tofu or some other such nonsense) tamales. She was kind of pissed off, but she brushed it off soon enough. She was threatening that next time she had something like tamales for lunch to take a picture of herself licking the tamales and taping the picture to her food container to keep potential theives away.

She was weird like that.
Slicer97
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Brian Earl Spilner said:

And yes, some rat piece of **** stole my food today.

You don't **** with a man's food.

Everybody knows this. That's why they ****ed with yours instead.
Old RV Ag
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This thread has made me even more thankful for selecting to be self-employed my entire life (minus some early years in the Army).
expresswrittenconsent
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HarleySpoon said:

Had a coworker who's apple was almost always stolen out of the office fridge. Every other day, I would have to listen to her rant about a stolen apple for the first ten minutes of lunch. I agree she should be upset.....but at some point she needed to do something about it and quit the endless rants.

So....I bought her a bag of twelve beautiful apples and put them in my office. I then went to the office fridge and took the biggest bite possible out of her apple and put it back on the shelf. Her lunch rant that day was epic. And, just as she started marching to HR, I presented her with a bag of beautiful apples. That was fun.

"Beautiful apples" twice? Welcome to Texags Mr President.
Brian Earl Spilner
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The Dog Lord
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If people are going to steal food, I just make sure to bring extra. I bake a great pie.

wbt5845
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Burdizzo said:

Our office fridge served about 30 people, so of course it was always a chore to keep it clean. Some people simply refused to take their stuff out. It was gross. We established a rotation of designating a couple of people to clean out any unmarked or expired food on Friday afternoons.

Some folks were better than others about their role in Friday clean up. One of my better co-workers was disgusted by the laziness of people who always left food in the fridge for everyone else to clean up. When it came his turn to clean out the fridge he sent out warning emails that he was going to follow the clean out policy to the letter.

Boy, did he clean it out. All expired condiments went in the trash. Then, any container without a name went. It didn't matter if the food looked fresh or not, it went in the trash. That also meant he threw out some nice containers too. Several people had to go dig their nice dishes out of the trash which did not go over well.

He never had to do fridge cleanup again, and the fridge stayed organized and clean for several months.

Haha we may have worked together because I did that very thing once. People were pissed. F em
Wooahhhh
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cover extemely old meatloaf in ketchup/bbq sauce. wait. you'll find out in a day or two.
Beer Baron
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Brian Earl Spilner said:

I say give them herpes of the mouth and genitals.
1. Get herpes
2. Lick, kiss, and rub your crotch on all food you put in the fridge
3. Kick back and laugh as the cold sores start appearing around the office.
McCoveysCove
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Video cam the fridge, mouse trap in the lunch box.
NC2001
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1) Buy a cheese pizza
2) While cheese pizza is still hot, top it off with Metamucil (it'll look like Parmesan cheese)
3) place said pizza in fridge
...
Enjoy watching the thief run to the restroom
TXAG 05
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When I noticed some of my beers disappearing, I started pouring Busch lights in, and the thefts stopped.
LupinusTexensis
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My HS didn't have lockers- we had to leave our lunches in cubby type things. The seniors would always steal my desserts that my mother lovingly made for me which pissed me off because I love sugar. I put laxatives in my brownies for a week. It took them all week to pinpoint that they got the ****s from my brownies. It was magical.
husker6869
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I did the same thing once but with a Coleman jug full of tea. On a Sunday night I'm standing out back pissing in the jug and yell to the ol lady, "need a new tea jug tomorrow."
Tanya 93
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Bake brownies with weed for a few weeks.
Anonymously inform HR that someone is coming to work stoned.
Piss test.
Dude is fired.
Direct Enter Enter
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Frost a piece of cake or a couple of cookies with mayo or sour cream.
Scoopen Skwert
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Tanya 93 said:

Bake brownies with weed for a few weeks.
Anonymously inform HR that someone is coming to work stoned.
Piss test.
Dude is fired.


Well the gb is on notice not to mess with this lady. She's a straight up OG. Silent assassin.
wbt5845
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So we've all agreed people who raid someone else's lunch, or something specifically for them, is dirt.

What about hitting the doughnuts for an adjacent group? If someone else's team has brought in doughnuts, is it ok for me to score one? Should I wait until a certain time to make sure everyone form that team gets one first? If so, what time?
Slicer97
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It would probably be in your best interest to pass on the doughnuts and get a salad instead.
Ginormus Ag
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Why don't you have private refrigerators in your office? Who doesn't have lunch brought to them by their private chef, or have an expensive lunch meeting paid for by the client everyday?
Username checks out.
Brian Earl Spilner
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Username checks out.
APHIS AG
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Had a coworker that everyone knew was stealing peoples lunches. One day, one worker brought in a "tuna sandwich" that soon disappeared. The "suspected" thief called in sick for the next two days and the problem of missing food disappeared.
Cromagnum
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Put some ghost pepper powder in the middle of it.
Shoefly!
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Tanya 93 said:

Bake brownies with weed for a few weeks.
Anonymously inform HR that someone is coming to work stoned.
Piss test.
Dude is fired.

Yep, we did this before urinalysis was required. The dude had been stealing sweets for a while. The rat took the cheese & he thought he was having a heart attack. He never touched anyone's lunch again.
$30,000 Millionaire
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I've never packed lunch to take to work. If theft was a regular thing, I'd put a ton of laxatives in it and steal all the toilet paper
Wildman15
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This is why I love working from home. No creepy co-workers around to steal my ****
Aggie12B
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I posted this originally last month on the general board forum about coworkers who got their comeuppance.
https://texags.com/forums/12/topics/3040560
I think it is appropriate for this board.

On my third deployment to iraq, I was on the Brigade Staff serving as the ABE NCOIC (Assistant Brigade Engineer Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge for those of you who are NOT familiar with Army acronyms) One of the Brigade Battle Captains, who I will call CPT Foodstealer, had a very bad habit of swiping other people's food and food supplies, without asking, from the fridge that was in the Brigade TOC (Tactical Operations Center). I received a care package from my mom that included a mason jar full of homemade salsa. When I opened the jar of salsa, I hurt a pop and a hissing sound and smoke lifted up in the air from the salsa. Hearing the hissing sound and seeing the smoke made me pretty certain that the salsa had not survived it's transit from central Texas to Baghdad. that is when I came up with the idea of how we could break CPT Foodstealer of his food swiping habit. I poured out about a third of the salsa, stirred it up real good, and then put it in the Brigade fridge. A couple of days later, my plan came to fruition as CPT Foodstealer decided to swipe the jar of homemade salsa without bothering to ask who it belonged to and took it to his desk in the office directly across the hall from the ABE shop. As the ABE OIC, the Brigade's Terrain team (the guys who made and printed all the maps for the Brigade), and I watched him, CPT Foodstealer eats ALL the salsa. As he is eating his chips and salsa, we could hear him telling the other Battle Captain that he shared his office with that he had gotten lucky and found an open jar of homemade salsa that had been in the fridge for a couple of days and it didn't have a name on it (not that a name would have stopped him from swiping the salsa), and it was Really good salsa. After about 45 minutes after he finished eating the salsa, he jumped up from his desk and LITERALLY RAN OUT of the TOC holding his stomach. As he was running out the TOC, we could hear his stomach gurgling. I'm not sure if he made it to the porta-sh**ter or not, but he didn't return to his desk in his office for about 4 hours. When he Finally did return to his desk, he was pale, covered in sweat, holding his stomach, and looked really weak. He then told the other Battle CPT "I think I must have eaten some bad salsa or something." The other Battle CPT just laughed at him and said "serves you right for eating somebody else's food." Most of the Brigade staff got a good laugh out of this. I know it was pretty sh**y of me to put the salsa in the fridge, knowing it had spoiled before it got to me in Baghdad and I (almost) felt sorry for CPT Foodstealer for suffering the way he did (that lasted about 5 minutes). On the bright side, CPT Foodstealer probably lost about 15-20 pounds of excess weight that he was carrying, and it DID CURE HIM of his habit of stealing other people's food out of the fridge.
Ragoo
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$30,000 Millionaire said:

I've never packed lunch to take to work. If theft was a regular thing, I'd put a ton of laxatives in it and steal all the toilet paper
never packed lunch for work? I pack a lunch every single day. I run and lift during lunch "hour" and usually eat at my desk catching up on emails before getting back after it.
Brian Earl Spilner
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$30,000 Millionaire said:

I've never packed lunch to take to work. If theft was a regular thing, I'd put a ton of laxatives in it and steal all the toilet paper


Probably why you're only worth $30k.
$30,000 Millionaire
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It would be nice to have that degree of stability to do that. My schedule is totally wild and unpredictable. My best case is some exercise on the weekends I'm home or in a hotel gym.

I'm on the road at least 100 days a year, sometimes as much as 200, but that is soul crushing when it happens. On the days I'm in the office, it's just easier to buy something.
Smithjg
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When I worked for DuPont, a dude got tied of someone stealing his ice cream. He took a dump in his Rocky Road, then refroze it. He bragged about doing it and before someone tried it, they reported him. He was fired on the spot.
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