How do you tell your wife...

14,055 Views | 82 Replies | Last: 5 yr ago by Stat Monitor Repairman
cisgenderedAggie
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That she needs to work on her body?
King moto moto
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AG
would she say the same about you?
Ol Army 01 Post Boobs
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Know Your Enemy
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"Hey, fatty. Put down the cake and go work out."
lotsofhp
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I like to point out how hot other chicks are to her until she gets the point.
CaddoAggie96
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When she's doing dishes reach around her and rub her belly flab instead of her boobs.
FDT 1999
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Just try to be real subtle about it so that you don't hurt her feelings.

Next time y'all roll into the Golden Corral for the Wednesday night buffet special, just nonchalantly bring it up. As she's heading for the chocolate fountain, ask her if she's ever thought about working in a salad or two, and see what she says.

Good luck!
LupinusTexensis
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Make exercise a habit that's fun versus something that needs to be an obligation. Ex. Our family always took walks after dinner together and then would have mini competitions on who could do squats/pushups/sit ups in a certain time frame. The family has still kept this habit and now all the grown kids have instilled it in their own family units.
americathegreat1492
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Start working out and eating right yourself to the point where you're "looking good." Then, start flirting with girls in public when she's around, but make sure to have plausible deniability. She'll get the hint pretty quickly.
30wedge
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Tell her you accidently put on a pair of her jeans and didn't notice it until someone pointed out they were way too big on you.
YellAgs
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Always go subtle
Gramercy Riffs
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I don't tell my wife that sort of thing.
redd38
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Put extra wooden slats under the mattress and tell her you thought it needed more structural integrity.
BenFiasco14
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cisgenderedAggie said:

That she needs to work on her body?
Are you already regularly working out and have a gym membership? If yes, and she doesn't, you could casually bring it up to her next time they have some sort of deal going on like waiving initiation fees or whatever, "Hey the gym is currently letting people sign up for X deal, it would save a ton of money if you want to get in on it right now."

If neither of y'all have a gym membership, you could just bring it up on your own that you're thinking about getting a gym membership for yourself, and it would be fun to do it together/hold each other accountable or something.

More subtle but options that take longer... begin/continue working out and get your body looking great, she'll lose her mind eventually and get jealous but this option may end in divorce so T&P.

Or, depending on how honest y'all are with each other, just be like "Babe, I love you more than anything, and I always will, but I think you need to start cutting back on X Y or Z, you ****ing FAT COW!" then run as fast as you can
CNN is an enemy of the state and should be treated as such.
cisgenderedAggie
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FDT 1999 said:

Just try to be real subtle about it so that you don't hurt her feelings.

Next time y'all roll into the Golden Corral for the Wednesday night buffet special, just nonchalantly bring it up. As she's heading for the chocolate fountain, ask her if she's ever thought about working in a salad or two, and see what she says.

Good luck!


It's not a fountain, it's a wonderfall
Rustys-Beef-o-Reeno
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Before sex ask her which is a fat fold and which is the **** fold...
Slicer97
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Junkhead said:

"Hey, fatty. Put down the cake and go work out."


You're still single I'm guessing?
Stat Monitor Repairman
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"How do you tell your wife ..."

Imma go ahead and stop you right there. You ain't gonna 'tell' your wife anything without serious and long lasting repercussions. Its just the way things are nowadays.

Women typically don't do ****t in response to a declarative statement other than ask more questions until the issue is so muddled that your original point is lost in the mix and you are exhausted and give up on the he issue entirely. Thats SOP.

Standard across the board. All ages, all backgrounds, and all levels of intelligence; married, unmarried, doesn't matter.

For example, Imagine a scenario where your wife is standing on the street and you detect some type of imminent danger. In other words, a classic no time to explain scenario. The proverbial piano falling out a 4th story window type of deal.

[Dave Chappelle voice on] Lets take a look how this plays out in real life.

"Don't stand there move right now!"

A solid percentage of males would have a level of confidence, trust and overall common sense, that if their spouse, friend or coworker said such a thing, they would gtfo of the way immediately; thus avoiding the imminent danger.

When a piano came crashing out the 4th floor window. the situation would explain itself.

[Dave Chappelle voice] Now ... let's look at how the typical non-male would respond to the situation

"Don't stand there move right now!"

"Woah woah woah! First, I don't like your 'tone'." Second, why can't I stand here? I don't see what gives you the righ ..." SPLAT!. [hit by the proverbial falling piano]

The vast majority of non-males immediately attack the perceived 'tone' of the messenger before their brain even begins to process the content of message itself.

The message gets lost in the fog of an automated emotional response.

Its just the way things are nowadays.

In other words, like the famous quote says: "A back talking nagging b***hy type of response will travel halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its boots."

The message, "your wife needs to work on her body" is lost in the fog before it even reaches its destination.

I think this is what Marshall McLuhan was on to when he famously observed said "the medium is the message."

So to answer your question, you really can't ... using conventional methods of communication.

You have to flip the script and use the same subtle manipulation tactics that your wife uses to communicate with you.

You've got to figure out some way to communicate the message ("you are becoming unfit") ... to your wife without you being the medium that communicates the observable fact.

So how do you do that?

Well, I've got no f*****g clue either.

But ... now that we have a solid and well reasoned expiation of the issue, I'll open it back up for suggestions from the peanut gallery.

In closing, If you are a female, or perhaps (effeminate man) and what I have articulated above just ruffles your feathers causing an emotional response. Then, I got some bad news for you.

You ARE the person in scenario #2 above, whether you think you are or not.
chipotle
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"Oink Oink! TOO MANY TWINKIES!"
malenurse
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My wife told me to go to the doctor and get some pills that would help me get an erection. Imagine her surprise when I came home and tossed her some diet pills I bought at the store.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, it's still on the list.
ThunderCougarFalconBird
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The next time she walks in on you with your next mistress just make sure the mistress has an absolutely banging body and that you're doing absolutely filthy stuff to one another when she catches you. She'll get the hint that if she wants a you to give her a reverse Anne Hathaway where she's wearing an Eva Braun coustime and you're full hitler that she needs to shed those meat curtains and reduce that butt to less than one area code.
Funky Winkerbean
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Honey, go put your wedding dress on. I want to relive the best day of my life.
It is so easy to be wrong—and to persist in being wrong—when the costs of being wrong are paid by others.
Thomas Sowell
babyshark
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Ask her when she's due
MooreTrucker
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Moto Moto said:

would she say the same about you?
This.

And to answer your question, you don't. You might suggest that "WE need to start eating healthy" if you just really feel the need to.
malenurse
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MooreTrucker said:

Moto Moto said:

would she say the same about you?
This.

And to answer your question, you don't. You might suggest that "WE need to start eating healthy" if you just really feel the need to get your ass kicked.
FIFY
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, it's still on the list.
infinity ag
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lotsofhp said:

I like to point out how hot other chicks are to her until she gets the point.

If you say something, you are a meanie.

Just stay silent and stare at slim hotties.
chiken
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Withhold sex. If she wants it she has to work for it.
agz win
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Turn off the light
YellAgs
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chiken said:

Withhold sex. If she wants it she has to work for it.
great advice, only if you have a sidepiece or no drive left
infinity ag
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chiken said:

Withhold sex. If she wants it she has to work for it.

Withhold sex (to the wife), and Bang hotties on the side. She deserves this.
MD1993
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Place a bag of flour next to the bed.
GoneGirl
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Get her 6 months of training with the hottest male personal trainer you can find. When she leaves you in six months for someone better looking or richer than you, you'll know it worked.
Ags4DaWin
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First: what are you doing to take care of yourself. If you are coming to the bedroom with a beer belly then you zero room to talk unless she is seriously obese and u de worried about her health. The exception to this is if u are working 60 hours a week and bringing home bank so she can sit at home and eat bonbons and Pinterest all day.

Two: why are you feeling the need to tell her this? Are you no longer attracted to her? Does her appearance make it hard for you to be motivated sexually? Before approaching her you better have ur own **** and reasons straightened out because believe you me she is going to hammer at you to find that **** out and if you are unprepared ur ****ed.

Three; it depends on the situation. Are we talking she is getting obese or a pooch or has she gained ten pounds and you are a jackass?

Four: what are your expectations and are they reasonable?

If obese you need to discuss with her the ramifications of an unhealthy lifestyle and how it will affect the kids and how it affects you.

If you are no longer attracted to her ask yourself if it solely a weight thing. If it is solely a weight thing, you should be 100% honest with her. Open by telling her that you love her and will always love her. Tell her that right now her appearance is making it awfully hard for you to be passionate and date her like you feel like she deserves. Ask what you can do to help, if she needs help around the house or getting the kids up or to bed to get in some personal workout time.

Offer to do whatever she needs you to do so that she can be healthier and so that you can reestablish that romantic and passionate connection with her that is important to you.

If she is under a size 10 or under and you are asking this question though u are an asshat.
713nervy
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In all seriousness, this is a really hard conversation but a really, really important one. It's a pretty serious testament of love for you to go through with it and tell her. It's going to hurt her feelings, there's no way around that. But it's critical that you do for the long term health and strength of your relationship.

Here's your answer. Good luck, forreal.
Ags4DaWin said:

First: what are you doing to take care of yourself. If you are coming to the bedroom with a beer belly then you zero room to talk unless she is seriously obese and u de worried about her health. The exception to this is if u are working 60 hours a week and bringing home bank so she can sit at home and eat bonbons and Pinterest all day.

Two: why are you feeling the need to tell her this? Are you no longer attracted to her? Does her appearance make it hard for you to be motivated sexually? Before approaching her you better have ur own **** and reasons straightened out because believe you me she is going to hammer at you to find that **** out and if you are unprepared ur ****ed.

Three; it depends on the situation. Are we talking she is getting obese or a pooch or has she gained ten pounds and you are a jackass?

Four: what are your expectations and are they reasonable?

If obese you need to discuss with her the ramifications of an unhealthy lifestyle and how it will affect the kids and how it affects you.

If you are no longer attracted to her ask yourself if it solely a weight thing. If it is solely a weight thing, you should be 100% honest with her. Open by telling her that you love her and will always love her. Tell her that right now her appearance is making it awfully hard for you to be passionate and date her like you feel like she deserves. Ask what you can do to help, if she needs help around the house or getting the kids up or to bed to get in some personal workout time.

Offer to do whatever she needs you to do so that she can be healthier and so that you can reestablish that romantic and passionate connection with her that is important to you.

If she is under a size 10 or under and you are asking this question though u are an asshat.
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