Favorite 'Dad Jokes'

26,900 Views | 153 Replies | Last: 6 yr ago by Iowaggie
tandy miller
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9:47a, 2/23/17
AG
  • "Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!"
  • "A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.'"
  • "Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere."
  • "I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off."
  • Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market!

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10
PrincessButtercup
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9:53a, 2/23/17
AG
I love dad jokes so much. My dad is great at them. He's a total dork. I called him yesterday, and this happened:

Him: Pat's Pizza, how can I help you?
Me: I need help for my really lame dad.
Him: Perhaps you should get him a wheelchair.
Me:

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52
HBCanine08
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9:53a, 2/23/17
AG
  • "What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?" Gag...Ack...Choke.
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72
Ag03 CQE
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9:55a, 2/23/17
AG
Have you heard the perforated paper joke?














It's tear-able.
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11
Casey TableTennis
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10:07a, 2/23/17
AG
What do you get when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
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14
aTm2004
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10:11a, 2/23/17
AG
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35
La Fours
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11:15a, 2/23/17
AG
What do you call a sleepy bull? A bulldozer.
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2
Jack Cheese
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11:27a, 2/23/17
AG
What did the snail say when he was riding on the turtle's back?

WHEEE!
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2
Unemployed
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In reply to HBCanine08 • 11:27a, 2/23/17
AG
HBCanine08 said:
  • "What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?" Gag...Ack...Choke.
Was she blowing Lance Armstrong?
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11:30a, 2/23/17
histag10
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11:36a, 2/23/17
AG
Did you hear about the kid napping at the local daycare?







He slept three hours before he finally woke up!
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1
aTm2004
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11:38a, 2/23/17
AG
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint.
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1
jkag89
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In reply to [removed post] • 11:42a, 2/23/17
MrsFlyingSquirrel95 said:
"HI HUNGRY"
I have a niece who doesn't appreciate my comedic genius when I respond Hi Thristy.
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3
Dad-O-Lot
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12:03p, 2/23/17
AG
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I wondered where the sun was, then it dawned on me.

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17
panamaggie
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12:10p, 2/23/17
AG
How do mexicans slice pizza?

With little Caesars
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78
La Fours
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In reply to panamaggie • 12:11p, 2/23/17
AG
panamaggie said:
How do mexicans slice pizza?

With little Caesars
LMAO. This is the best one on the thread so far.

Oh and...

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19
tandy miller
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In reply to panamaggie • 12:12p, 2/23/17
AG
panamaggie said:
How do mexicans slice pizza?

With little Caesars
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1
OCEN99
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12:41p, 2/23/17
AG
Why did gas stations start charging for air?

Inflation.
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8
AgsMyDude
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12:43p, 2/23/17
AG
What is the best time to go to the Dentist?

Tooth-hurty
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7
Zamacuco
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12:47p, 2/23/17
How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.
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9
Charpie
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12:48p, 2/23/17
AG
Love these
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Zamacuco
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In reply to Zamacuco • 12:48p, 2/23/17
CDMAG10 said:
How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.
I thought I'd throw a Corny Joke in here.
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3
Aggie_Eric98
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12:49p, 2/23/17
AG
What did the skeleton order when he went to the bar?

A beer and a mop.
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2
Bob Loblaws Law Blog
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In reply to jkag89 • 12:53p, 2/23/17
AG
jkag89 said:
MrsFlyingSquirrel95 said:
"HI HUNGRY"
I have a niece who doesn't appreciate my comedic genius when I respond Hi Thristy.
Hi Thirsty, my name's Friday, wanna go out on Saturday and have a sundae?
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2
Flying Crowbar
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1:03p, 2/23/17
AG
What do you call a guy with no body and just a nose?
Nobody knows.
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4
Charpie
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1:19p, 2/23/17
AG
what do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing. Its not like he's gonna come to you anyway.


What do you do with a dog with no legs?
You take it for a drag.

What's the difference between birdflu and swineflu?
birdflu requires tweetment, and swineflu is cured with oinkment.
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1
Dad-O-Lot
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1:22p, 2/23/17
AG
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer
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25
Dad-O-Lot
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1:24p, 2/23/17
AG
I never knew what great Dad-jokes would come from naming a child Tarah.

Tarah-ble

Tarah-fying

the list goes on & on. She's only 2 now so I'm sure she'll get sick of it soon.
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AgEng06
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In reply to Dad-O-Lot • 1:29p, 2/23/17
AG
Dad-O-Lot said:
I never knew what great Dad-jokes would come from naming a child Tarah.

Tarah-ble

Tarah-fying

the list goes on & on. She's only 2 now so I'm sure she'll get sick of it soon.
Tarah-ist
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29
MooreTrucker
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In reply to Dad-O-Lot • 1:35p, 2/23/17
AG
My son's name is Justin. He got Justin-time and Justin-case a lot.


What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on the doorstep? Matt

.............. floating on the water? Bob

.............. lying in a pile of leaves? Russell

............... in a hole? Doug

............... hanging on a wall? Art


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3
Geriatric Punk
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1:37p, 2/23/17
AG
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "does this taste funny to you?"
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15
AgLiving06
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1:41p, 2/23/17
Old Man: I really love my job

Young Man: All you do is take care of freaking sheep

Old Man: What did you just say?

Young Man: You herd!
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7
Amazing Moves
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2:05p, 2/23/17
How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
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32
PseudonymK
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2:34p, 2/23/17
AG
You know you're adopted, right?
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PseudonymK
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2:37p, 2/23/17
AG
What do you call 2 buffaloes?

Bison
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