Strangest Thing Your Kid Told You

7,174 Views | 56 Replies | Last: 7 yr ago by TexasRebel
Alte Schule
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Taking a break from mowing he lawn when my five year old, at the time, sat down next to me on the porch.
Son: The trees are singing today.
Me: Is it a song you know?
Son: No, well not really singing just humming.
Me: What tree?
Son: The big green one (cedar) in the back yard.
Me: Light bulb goes off.

I also heard the tree humming when I got close. Hundreds of paper wasps and a cone nest the size of a pineapple.
PseudonymK
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AG
Kee Kee: Bye, baby. Have a good day!
Minnie: Bye, LaKeesha...
Kee Kee: (British accent) Shut that hole in your face.

BlueAg2003
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AG
My sister-in-law sent me a video of my 3 year old niece talking about farting. She said, "I have to do my big farts before I do my little farts because they're a part of me." She's a little weirdo.
Phrasing
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AG
My 5 year old son wanted to show me on a globe that he knew where Texas was after learning it from his grandmother (who is my mother in law and a Mexican - half of my wife's family is from Mexico). He proceeded to find it on the globe and then further point out where Mexico was because "that is where his uncle lived". I congratulated him on his new found wisdom and thought the conversation was over.

He then said "Yeah, Mexico, where all the bad people are from....."

I said "Ummm - what - who told you that?"

He replied "Well, Mexico looks far away and Mommy said the bad people live far away, so they must be from Mexico".

Logic.
tamuangry
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Child 1: You have to win if you want a medal.
Child 2: Nooooo.
Child 1: if you don't win you get a medal but it has a zero on it.
Scotty Flamingo
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4lilmonkeys said:

Year ago, just after we'd had our second baby: I was standing in the kitchen making dinner when my oldest (7 or 8 at the time, now 17)
Your oldest aged a lot in a year
AgEng06
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AG
"I'm gonna cut your blood out."
aggiesq
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"I made splatter poop"

Flashdiaz
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kid: Sharks eat poop.
me: no they don't
kid: yes they do. Sharks eat people, people have poop in them. Sharks eat poop.
me: nice use of the transitive property son.
toofbrush
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this thread is great

more!
MD1993
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AG
My son when he was 3 yo told us a very detailed story about the monster living in his closet. His description sounded much like a shadow that would move around his room. Some nights the monster would come very close to him and others would just watch from across the room. Other nights he would just stay behind the closed door, but he knew he was there. He told me he was not afraid of him, as some nights if he is awake when the monster enters his room, he would read books to him. He enjoyed the books but did not like his breath as it stunk. Freaked me out every time he talked about the monster.

The funniest moment with him was one night he was trying to get in our bed. I asked him what he was doing, he shhhhhhdd me and told me "Go back to bed, I a neak'n in and you do not know about it." My wife and I still laughed about it.

edit for 1 more tale.

My oldest walked up to my wife as she breast feed my youngest. He pointed at one breast and said, orange juice come from here and milk from that one!
riverrataggie
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My girl told me she was a girl. I thought these kids were supposed to be gender neutral now. What gives?
Alte Schule
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Large flight of military helicopters fly over the house (this was 2005 when the Iraq war was going strong) Granddaughter, 6, and friend come running in the house visibly upset.
GD: We had to run and hide from the helicopters.
Me: Why?
GD: We didn't want them to shoot us.
Me: Why do you think they would shoot you?
GD: I see helicopters shooting people on the show (news) my daddy watches when he comes home from
work.
Me: Your their friend they wouldn't shoot you.

This seemed to satisfy her but a couple of minutes later she was back.
GD: How can a helicopter tell if your a friend from way up there?
I wasn't going to give her a detailed explanation about the war and a helicopter's capabilities so I did the next best thing. I lied. Sort of.
Me: Oh. They have computers that can tell if your a friend or not.
GD: Well, than I guess it's good to be a helicopters friend.
Me: Yes. Yes it is.





PseudonymK
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Ohh Kaaay, Mommie, You're laughing about that website again?

&

For some strange reason she decided it would be funny to open the door, stick her 'fro in the door frame, and shut the door on her hair. Just imagine what it resembled, you will almost break a rib laughing.
slickwilly107
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Family member's kid, age 3. Found him crying under the basketball goal. When asked what was wrong he said he was crying because he couldn't make a basket. When asked why he couldn't make a basket......

"Because I'm short and I'm not brown".

Figure out how to react to that one!
Drawkcab
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This morning from my 3 year old I got "I ate a lot of wrapping paper and pooped a rainbow!"
Red Rover
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AG
Semi related: I'm sick today and laying in bed. My 21 month old just brought me a blue lightsaber, walked out of the room, and then ran back in and attacked me with his red lightsaber. The 4 year old informed me that her little brother knows the power of the dark side.
PseudonymK
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AG
My lil' sis used to do something similar. We don't have any pictures together because she would always have a certain meanness towards me. "The Darkside"


JJ (my nephew, 4) always gets mad when he isn't spoiled. I always have something for him every week, but don't cross his path, You will be hurt when he says "You're not my best friend anymore".
dcAg
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One of my sons asked me if even numbers were better than odd numbers.

I said, "No, they are pretty much the same."

His reply, "Then why do they call them odd?"
Fuzzy Dunlop
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AG
Not strange necessarily but funny.

We record shows on the DVR for our kids if it is something that we are watching at their bedtime so that they can watch it at another time. Last night, they were watching "How to Train your Dragon" and they weren't fast forwarding through the commercials. I commented on it and they just looked at me like I was an alien. Well, this morning, I get up and my 8 year old daughter was watching the movie again. Again she was watching the commercials and was not fast forwarding through them. I asked her why and she just said, 'eh". I mentioned it to my wife tonight while we were washing dishes and putting them away. I told my daughters that when I was a kid we had to flip though other channels so we could skip the commercials. For the third time in 24 hours I asked my 8 year old why they don't fast forward she said, "In case there are new commercials, I don't want to miss something."

She's pretty smart most of the time but damn if that isn't just dumb as hell. The wife and I had a pretty good laugh from it. I still don't think they understand.
VaultingChemist
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My 18-month-old daughter picked up a feather off the ground at my parent's farm, showed it to us, and exclaimed, "Look, it's a chicken leaf!"
PseudonymK
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AG
Momma, your hair is ok."The extensions make you look like a lion.''

I said: Well, call me Simba.
TexasRebel
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You're one hell of a lot better looking than Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
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