Conversation between a man and his wife:

Wife: How many beers do you drink in a day?
Man: Usually about three

Wife: How much does each beer cost?
Man: $5.00, including tip.

Wife: And how long have you been drinking beer?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Wife: So, a beer costs $5, and you have three beers a day, which puts your spending each month at $450. In ONE year it would be approximately $5400. Correct?
Man: Correct.

Wife: IF, in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?
Man: Um, okay.

Wife: Do you know, that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
interest savings account. And after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Man: Do you drink beer?
Wife: No.

Man: Where's your airplane?

His photoshop skills, especially on those videos...outstanding.

https://instagr.am/p/BAsJQh-CiQd



https://instagr.am/p/5I9wTniieO



https://instagr.am/p/BBqahq9iiUn

Lets Golf...

While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now," she insisted.

She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed, "But I'm sure my wife won't like it."

After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for awhile. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess"...

Guy is nails

https://instagr.am/p/BOcjz81AWKa

Kids.

"Grass walking"

The Lamaze class was full of pregnant women and their husbands.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial - strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on soft surfaces, like a grass path."

"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering . . . would it be all right if she carries a golf bag?"

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
I mean, that level of sensitivity just can't be taught.

Hit bird...enjoy rest of ride.

https://instagr.am/p/BTCfSktBcvZ