The Devil
 |   posted 8:50p, 11/27/11   
Texas A&M Aggies,
Yes it is I... The Devil. I am here to announce that I have accepted the position of Head Football Coach of your beloved Aggie Football team. I know many of you have prayed to that nerd upstairs time and time again hoping he will answer you but to no avail. Well, the reasoning is simple... God hates you guys. How have you not figured that out the last 25 years?! I hate you too, but I'm always open to listen to an offer... And enough of you have made arrangements with me that I will now take on this massive challenge. Oh and I heard you guys are a Cult which was a HUGE selling point. Groupthink makes my job a lot easier.
I do have some contract stipulations to which I will now list:
1.) My deal is 6 years for $6.66 million dollars. The truth is I'm already Oprah Rich but of course I demand to be the highest paid coach in the game, and I have a thing for 6's... THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.
2.) Kyle Field will be renamed THE INFERNO!
3.) In addition to my monetary payments, I demand you sacrifice a virgin to me on the 50 yard line of THE INFERNO! Apparently you have an awful lot of these in your Corps so this should not be a problem.
4.) 12th Man TV will be EVEN LOUDER and have MORE ADS. I invented advertising in the late 20's when I went through a terrible breakup and needed a creative outlet. I stand by my solid work.
5.) YOU WILL HAVE CHEERLEADERS! I'm the mother ****ing Devil. Of course I'm gonna have some hot tail on my sideline. Get working on this now.
6.) The team will come out to Metallica's - Ride The Lightning with a sweet smoke machine entrance which will look SUPER BADASS. And then we play Zombie Nation and Party Rock Anthem because those are my jams.
7.) You will stop bragging about women's sports. I created women's sports to piss people off. How dare you mock me!
8.) You will stop "Sawing Varsity's Horns Off." That would be like LSU singing "Take Varsity's White Hat Off" ok... My horns are awesome, and I demand to have someone on constant wax and buff duty at all times.
9.) We will not play in Baton Rouge. This game will be a neutral site contest or only played at THE INFERNO! Baton Rouge is a shit-hole and this is coming from a guy who lives in Hell.
10.) We will schedule BYU. That Joseph Smith guy is so annoying and always bragging about his crappy team. I can't wait to make fun of him at the water cooler after we beat their ass.
Congratulations Aggies. You asked for the best and now you got it. You are finally ready to be in the SEC. Les and Nick are gonna be so pissed but who cares? They're already mine anyway.
Bill Byrne get to working on my contract or I'll put you in a really crappy location once you get here.
DEVIL OUT
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Glass Half Full Aggie 2011
  |  posted 8:51p, 11/27/11
If you can win, you're perfect. I don't even care if you aren't "classy."
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Glass Half Full Aggie 2011
| posted 8:51p, 11/27/11
P.S. Didn't read any of that and no one else will either
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Alabaster Jones
   | posted 8:53p, 11/27/11
I SEE NOTHING ABOUT WAFFLES!!!!!!!
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jrh1524
  | posted 8:53p, 11/27/11
FOOZBALL IS THA DEVIL!
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Sandman98
 | posted 8:53p, 11/27/11
Reveal yourself Sex Panther.
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Elliot P. Campbell
|  posted 8:53p, 11/27/11
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oklacityag75
|  posted 8:54p, 11/27/11
Now you can say Aggie football has gone to hell.
However, devil, I will remind you that you are already defeated...forever. You lost to Jesus Christ and all born again believers.
So, your record is worse than franCHOKEcione...you are the original LOSER!
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bigtruckguy3500
 | posted 8:55p, 11/27/11
Yeah, I didn't read anything either. But I wouldn't mind being the coach. I'd do it for 50k a year for 2 years, and hire an awesome OC and DC. I'd let them pretty much run gameday, I'd be there to maintain discipline and increase mental toughness.
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TiderJB
|  posted 8:56p, 11/27/11
waffles
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BoozerRed78
| posted 8:56p, 11/27/11
head cheerleader
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Troll Patrol
|  posted 8:57p, 11/27/11
Did someone call me?
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No Spin Ag
|  posted 9:20p, 11/27/11
If you have the mental capability of a one-legged dog who learned to no longer run across the road without looking - hence the reason for one leg - you've got my vote.
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AggieDem
| posted 9:23p, 11/27/11
The photo in your profile is deceptive. We all know you look like this:
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wasabi1787
|  posted 9:29p, 11/27/11
This joke has never been done before.
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wasabi1787
|  posted 9:29p, 11/27/11
Nah, I lied.
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gv11
| posted 9:38p, 11/27/11
Pretty high up on that list should be allowing booze at Kyle.
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FightingAggie
|  posted 10:26p, 11/27/11
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texasred
 | posted 10:41p, 11/27/11
That made me llaugh out loud.
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Mr. Havok
| posted 10:46p, 11/27/11
But do you "get" A&M?
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Smash Williams
| posted 10:47p, 11/27/11
I laughed a few times
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ElephantRider
| posted 11:05p, 11/27/11
quote:
Now you can say Aggie football has gone to hell.
However, devil, I will remind you that you are already defeated...forever. You lost to Jesus Christ and all born again believers.
So, your record is worse than franCHOKEcione...you are the original LOSER!
Take a joke.
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gig them
| posted 11:09p, 11/27/11
I see no flaws in this plan.
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lb3
|  posted 11:14p, 11/27/11
Finally, a coach that 'gets' A&M!!!!!
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Mr. Havok
| posted 11:54p, 11/27/11
quote:
quote:
Now you can say Aggie football has gone to hell.
However, devil, I will remind you that you are already defeated...forever. You lost to Jesus Christ and all born again believers.
So, your record is worse than franCHOKEcione...you are the original LOSER!
Take a joke.
Irony.
[This message has been edited by Mr. Havok (edited 11/27/2011 11:55p).]
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