I'll try and start with some of the short ones.
1) Kindergarten Porn bust
Alright, So I was about 15 or 16 at the time and I was home babysitting my little sister. Had one of my buddies from around the block over at the time.
Now, his dad had already gotten him a subscription to Playboy whe he was 13, so whenever I'd go over to his house I'd get into his stash. My parents were not that cool, but I knew my dad was a dirty ******* as I'd found most of his porn around the house. So, I decided I needed to one up him.
Got into my dad's "Misc." file drawer and pulled out this hard core early 80's porn magazine. It was bad. We're talking blood, semen, **** and piss bad. Nothing like Plaboy. As I was showing it off to him, my little sister comes wandering around the corner. I throw it back into the file drawer as quick as I could, but it was too late. She'd seen something. She didn't know what, but she knew she wasn't meant to see it and now HAD to see it. I kept telling her it was nothing, but she finally pulled out the tattle tale angle and said she was going to tell Mom and Dad that I was snooping around in my dad's ****.
So, in order to appease her, I just pulled the cover off the magazine. The staples had already pulled through long ago, so I knew it wouldn't be noticed. Granted, there was a naked man and woman clearly displayed, but it was much more PG than the dirty debachery in the pages. Told her that was it, and she had to promise not to tell mom and dad. She finally agreed after a little more bribery involving ice cream and letting her color in my MAD magazines. Finally, in the clear.
A few weeks later when I get home from school, my mother confronts me. "Where is it?" No clue what she's talking about, so I inquire. Evidently, she was refering to my father's porn. I thought my sister ratted me out, but she had actually kept her word. She didn't tell mom and dad. But at Show and Tell since she had nothing to show, She got up and told the entire Kindergarten class that her older brother looked at magazines full of naked men and women. This prompted an immediate phone call to my mother.
Now of course I was ready to rat my dad out to keep out of trouble, so I went to show my mother. Pulled the "Misc." file: Empty. So then I began pointing out all my dad's stashes, in the closets, in his desk, top drawer of the dresser that was nailed shut, but everything was gone. My mother believed me of course because she knew the man she married.
The only theory I have on that is that my dad got the same phone call and managed to come home at lunch and clean house before mom caught him.
Regardless of how they disappeared, the story was out there and that was how I became labled the dirty little pervert by all my sister's friends parents and in turn lost a lot of baby sitting jobs.
