Imagine if you will an 18 year old high school kid. He has a beautiful girlfriend, but has yet to experience that sweet, sweet "love." On New Years his beautiful girlfriend tells him that prom night is going to be the magic night. He will lose his virginity. But she wants him to set the mood perfectly. Chauffeured limo, fancy dinner, posh hotel room, spa day afterwards... This is going to cost a pretty penny but it'll be worth it.
...for years he has heard locker room stories about how great sex is from all of his friends who have "experience." He's found a lot of internet videos that get him SUPER excited. Now he has to wait 5 months... It's ALL he can think about. He dreams about it. He daydreams about it. He researches how to do it best because he doesn't want to embarrass himself.... He works out at a feverish pace so that he can perform. FIVE. MONTHS. He's at a fevered pitch on prom night. And once it finally arrives it is NOTHING like he has envisioned. In fact, the object of his affections decides it's NOT going to be her night... she's saving herself for marriage. But because she promised, she has a new plan. He can lose his virginity to her Aunt Ethel. Now Aunt Ethel weighs about 500 pounds and she's hairy and smelly. It appears she hasn't bathed in decades. And she demands to be on top so you can't breathe. The experience is terrible. It is nothing like he's heard from friends or seen on the internet. Yeah, he got f***ed, but he's not sure he ever wants to again. Then he wakes up the next day to find out that the fat smelly b**ch stole $2000 out of his wallet on her way out the door. ...then he discovers he has syphillis, the clap and HIV.
He hates all of his friends that lied to him. He hates the internet for providing unrealistic expectations. He hates himself for daring to believe. He'll probably change his mind at some point in the future (because surely it can't always be this terrible) but for now he has no interest in ever doing this again.
...that is a pretty good description of my elk hunting experience. It was essentially a physically taxing, very expensive and disappointing camping trip.
(TL;DnR: 3 guys, 13 days hunting each - so 39 total hunt days as we spread out across multiple mountains/basins - a SINGLE bugle 5 minutes after dark that lasted less than 4 seconds counting the 3 chuckles at the end. We saw elk in the first/last 5 minutes of light MILES away when glassing. Then they went into the dark timber deadfalls never to return in the daylight. Not even a single cow call.)
...for years he has heard locker room stories about how great sex is from all of his friends who have "experience." He's found a lot of internet videos that get him SUPER excited. Now he has to wait 5 months... It's ALL he can think about. He dreams about it. He daydreams about it. He researches how to do it best because he doesn't want to embarrass himself.... He works out at a feverish pace so that he can perform. FIVE. MONTHS. He's at a fevered pitch on prom night. And once it finally arrives it is NOTHING like he has envisioned. In fact, the object of his affections decides it's NOT going to be her night... she's saving herself for marriage. But because she promised, she has a new plan. He can lose his virginity to her Aunt Ethel. Now Aunt Ethel weighs about 500 pounds and she's hairy and smelly. It appears she hasn't bathed in decades. And she demands to be on top so you can't breathe. The experience is terrible. It is nothing like he's heard from friends or seen on the internet. Yeah, he got f***ed, but he's not sure he ever wants to again. Then he wakes up the next day to find out that the fat smelly b**ch stole $2000 out of his wallet on her way out the door. ...then he discovers he has syphillis, the clap and HIV.
He hates all of his friends that lied to him. He hates the internet for providing unrealistic expectations. He hates himself for daring to believe. He'll probably change his mind at some point in the future (because surely it can't always be this terrible) but for now he has no interest in ever doing this again.
...that is a pretty good description of my elk hunting experience. It was essentially a physically taxing, very expensive and disappointing camping trip.
(TL;DnR: 3 guys, 13 days hunting each - so 39 total hunt days as we spread out across multiple mountains/basins - a SINGLE bugle 5 minutes after dark that lasted less than 4 seconds counting the 3 chuckles at the end. We saw elk in the first/last 5 minutes of light MILES away when glassing. Then they went into the dark timber deadfalls never to return in the daylight. Not even a single cow call.)
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