I think you're being a little ridiculous. I think there were some parts that weren't that great, and I think Moffat could have done better in regards to some of the things. Like for instance, the reasoning behind the Doctor leaving Gallifrey to begin with. Honestly, your post in regards to the second episode reads a lot like the IMDB forum posts in regards to Moffat that just don't like the show now because it isn't the show they grew up with during its original run.
I actually enjoyed the first two episodes. Missy stole the show. Capaldi was pretty good up until the middle part of the second episode, then it kind of lagged around. I think that falls more on the writing wanting to keep the tension up, which is where Moffat kind of let it down. A couple of tidbits that were mentioned during the episode, but probably the most important was that MIssy mentioned a daughter. I'm guessing that is Maisie Williams' character. Jenna Coleman was alright, but I feel like they didn't really utilize her character that effectively other than giving the Doctor to despair over.
In all, I'm hoping that Missy is a recurring character this season and that she has more scenes with the Doctor. Their interaction in the first two episodes was probably some of the best interaction I can remember in Doctor Who from recent history.